TheTeen Doc - Changing the World One Teen at a Time.

2010-7

Be Body Positive Day!

Category: Eating Disorders, Mental Health | No Comments

August 1, 2010 is Be Body Positive Day. It’s the first of annual celebrations of the human body, your body. The founders hope to create an opportunity for people to take the day to do something amazing with their bodies like exercise, cooking healthy food or dancing. The goal is to honor your body in whatever form or shape it might be in.

Eating Disorders are on the rise among women, men, and people of color. The old stereotypes of who had eating disorders no longer apply and this has caused a generation of self conscious teens to levels that have not been previous seen. It is normal for sometime in the tweens for body comparisons to occur. Tweens compare their bodies to their peers and decide that what they have must not be as good. They are too thin, too fat, too booby, too hippy or too muscular. These toos give way to more negative thoughts as there is some rejection from a love interest or comments from others around them on their being too thin, too fat, too booby, hippy or muscular. The negative recording can create a desperation that can begin with a simple diet and progress to a full blown body image and/or eating disorder.

Restricting junk food, then having guilt if it is eaten is a red flag. This should prompt parents to bring their teen to their pediatrician’s office for a weight check. Other variations in diet like vegetarianism or restriction of fats like olive oil and salad dressing can change the body causing complication like fractures, missed periods, slow heart rates, slow breathing, difficulty concentrating, sleep trouble and difficulty regulating body temperature.

It takes a lot of work to counter the negative thoughts of your teen’s body and Be Positive Body Day my just be the first step in trying to counter that message. Because the truth is no matter how beautiful, how thin, or how rich a person becomes without accepting yourself for who you are, you cannot be beautiful enough, thin enough or rich enough to make yourself happy.

Try This: Try making a positive statement about each body part as in I am grateful for my legs that allow me the freedom to step out of my house, walk down the street and run away from negative things. I am grateful for my belly that is able to digest food of all types and doesn’t need tubes in or out to allow me to take in calories or get rid of my waste. These body parts work and I am grateful for that. Building on this as a counter to each negative thought can help your teen develop acceptance and gratitude.

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

The Cost of Homophobia, $35, 000

Category: Sexual Health | No Comments

Constance McMillen if you don’t know lives in a very conservative part of Mississippi called Itawamba County. She wanted to take her girlfriend to the prom. It seemed everyone else was taking someone they cared about, she thought she would too. Up until now prom and other things that used intimate relationships as a basis were not an option for gay teens, but things are beginning to change in the corners of the United States as well.

Your teen is growing up in a time that has for the most part asked it’s generation, “Get over it!” If they want to undergo the emotional destruction of a public broken heart by all means let them! Still parents resist, which creates teens that resist. This resistance can create a community that is accepting or ostracizing as this town in Mississippi did when it created a decoy prom so Constance and her girlfriend would not attend the “real” prom.

The cost of homophobia was a sum total of $35,000 in a town that resides in one of the poorest states in the United States. Surely there were far more important things they could have spent their money on with the unemployment rate still so high.

Stories like these are an important way you and your teen can discuss views on Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender relationships (LGBT), your views on acceptance and whether you are someone who prefers to ostracize others you know little about. This is a harbinger of things to come for your teen if they happen to be gay and can create a chasm between you and your teen making it difficult for them to be open with you.

There will always be someone not like you especially in the United States, give your teen a heads up and a good lesson in economics about being open to someone else’s point of view. Being gay isn’t a disease, it isn’t catching or anything so the chances of your teen deciding suddenly they are gay is zero. Therefore it’s worth standing up for all people indivisible with liberty and justice for all just in case one of those individuals ends up being your teen.

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

He Did It!

Category: Parenting, Teen General Development | No Comments

An important dynamic that can occur in families is the “problem child.” This is the teen that always seem to be in trouble. The entire family seems to be stepping one foot back from this family member because they’re giving the family a “bad name.” In truth, this teen in the family has been shown to really be the town crier.

The town crier or the problem child is the teen who is more sensitive than others in the family and feels the family dynamic more personally. They’re not able to shrug it off and act as if nothing is wrong. They not only know something is wrong, but they want it fixed and the only way they know to do that is by behaving so outlandishly that they get help. When they get help, the family seems to get help.

This can be a hard thing to hear when you walk into a therapist’s office to “fix” your problem teen and end up having the therapist say to you, “Well, is there anything going on at home that would make them act that way?” It can seem like one of those cliché’s about therapy stemming from your bad mother. This is a myth and this revelation has nothing to do with mothers. It deals with the dynamics of family and how each member ends up having a role in the family that creates well, your family. Some are fine, but some are very toxic and cause maladaptive coping skills like class clown.

Knowing who your teen is can help you discern the difference between behaviors that are designed to make everything easy for everyone else and those that are designed to point the finger at them because they otherwise get no attention. If you yourself are a little distracted with marriage difficulty, health problems in the immediate or extended family or financial problems, you may be slow on the uptake and act unconsciously when the school says there is a problem, but if you can stop for a second and ask yourself about why your teen’s behavior may be a normal response to stress, you might even anticipate the call and get your family help before it is an unfixable problem.

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Shouldn’t You Be Sleeping?

Category: Medical Health, Teen General Development, Tween | No Comments

A midnight bathroom run reveals your teen’s light is still on and you can hear the clicking of their cell phone as they text their way into the night. It finally dawns on you why your teen is always so tired even though they seem to be in bed on time. You think, “Darn, I really should’ve made that a phone rule before I got her the phone.”

Sleep is so important. Your teen should be getting on average nine to nine and a half hours of sleep daily. Your teen is going to have a tough time sleeping if the pre-bedtime conversation they had with you is rough and tumble how much more a conversation that may decide their social standing in school the next day. Their brain keeps thinking long after they’ve stopped texting making it difficult for them to fall asleep. This can add to the moodiness you get the next day.

It most certainly is a good idea to put this in the “Cell Phone Rules” before you get your teen a cell phone, but more importantly it is wise to consider rules for all types of social media before bedtime. Texting or IMing unlike walking in on your teen when a friend is visiting may not be very obvious to you so consider when approaching your teen, surveying their environment. When they seem distracted or particularly moody, don’t always take it personally, they may have some other social thing going on. If you think the time spent on the phone is creeping into important sleep or down time, add these rules to the preexisting “No texting at the table or in front of adults like grandma rules.” Remember some teens are good enough to text without even looking at their phone so a lot of “Hmmms” and “Uh-huhs” can mean they’re distracted.

Cells phones are an important communication device, but everything needs a limit. Being aware is one of the first things you can do to anticipate what might be a problem with your teen having a cell phone.

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Knowing When To Worry

Category: Parenting | 2 Comments

“They don’t make their bed. Can you do something about that doc?” Ummm…Did you happen to notice your teen is failing out of school and looks completely depressed? Really, who cares if their bed is made?

Sometimes you’re so overwhelmed by the real problem you pick what seems like a very easy problem to fix like making the bed. The problem is that a depressed teen doesn’t care if their bed is made or not and they’re sitting there watching you scream and yell for what is for all intents and purposes a nonissue.

“Worry” in parenting should be like your 401K, you would only break it out for a very good reason because the penalty is so great. If you use worry over the silliest things then your teen can see that you have no sense of what is an important issue making them question your judgment and parenting. When you hone in on what is real important whether you know how to fix it or not, your teen begins to feel like you really want to know what has caused this change for them. It is a way you tell them you know them well enough to know when something is very different, that you’re paying attention, that you care.

You’re a private eye in your teen’s life and it’s not about catching them doing something wrong no, it’s about knowing when to worry that something isn’t right. “Naaw, that’s not my teen.” This way when you come to them and ask, “What’s up?” and they say, “What? Nothing.” You can reply, “Cut the crap, I just saw you put your underwear in the refrigerator and you failed a quiz you studied for. Look, I’m here for you. What’s going on?”

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Your Teen Will Be Happy (Eminem’s Cinderella Man)

Category: Parenting, Teen General Development, Tween | No Comments

All teens have their growing pains and some approach these challenges effortlessly while others wear their battle scars literally on their arms. When your teen emerges from whatever they have experienced as their struggle with who they are, it feels like a burden has been lifted. Finally coming to terms with who they are, feels like joy.

Eminem’s Cinderella Man

Feels Good
Guess Im lucky
some of us dont get a second chance
But I aint blowin this one
Naah man haha
s**t I feel like I can do anything now

These growing pains aren’t without their collateral damage. You are there for the ups and downs and can really take a beating. The emotional challenge of containing the roller coaster emotions of someone who is learning how to use their power is one of the most amazing things you will ever do. Your patience, understanding are nothing short of angelic. You contain it for your teen while moving all the fragile items from their path so they don’t hurt themselves too badly. However, when they are through, it is you they will remember as the rock upon which they could depend. This is all the difference in the world.

That boy’s hot enough to melt hell, burn Satan too
Fry his ass and put his ashes back together with glue
See you can hate him, he don’t blame you, frankly he would too
This game could ill afford to lose him, how bout you?

It is your love and support that creates the confidence of a teen now adult who knows who they are. That confidence allows them to make decisions that are based on having learned what works for them. They aren’t going to be mislead as easily as before because they will have figured out that lesson already. The difficult times become easier to get through because they have the knowledge that they have gotten through in the past and they have been stronger for it. Those difficult times are the gift that gives your teen resilience and without that they would crumble at the least of the challenges life presented. These challenges make them a survivor because what can you do to someone after they have been through some of the things that teens go through.

And at this stage in the game, mediocrity can no longer be allowed to fly
…S**t I ain’t even supposed to be here by the grace of God
the skin on my teeth and the hair on my nuts I skated by
Now ya’ll are on thin ice with ankle weights I hate to lie
how fuckin irritated are you? how much in your face am I?

Eminem knows he got a second chance and he says in the beginning of this song that he is going to make the most of it. Your teen gets this when they start each new stage of their life. They get to reinvent themselves with the previous lessons that have been learned. Your teen is smarter, better and hopefully settling for less chaos in their lives, allowing less mediocrity and setting their bar higher. This is the stuff that allows them to become the adult you hoped they would become. But without the past, without the pains of depression, loneliness, broken promises, hangovers, arguments and broken hearts your teen would be living a fantasy of what it was like to be a teen so despite this grief, it’s better to live through this than to have never lived at all. Without these difficult times, your teen could never develop the confidence to know they exist to do great things.

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Your Teen Will Overcome (Eminem’s Not Afraid)

Category: Mental Health, Parenting, Teen General Development, Tween | No Comments

Your teen has so many fears and worries. They are worried they won’t have friends, they won’t live up to your standards and disappoint you, they won’t meet their own goals, they won’t be somebody, anybody. They are worried they won’t be good enough.

Eminem’s Not Afraid
But I think I’m still tryna figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t
This f**king black cloud’s still follows me around
But it’s time to exorcise these demons
These motherf**kers are doing jumping jacks now!

Your teen is learning pieces at a time how to be an adult: Relationships, financial concerns, personal concerns, physical concerns, and moral concerns all come to them a piece at a time like a puzzle that is formed one piece at a time. They are unable to see the big picture until they have enough pieces. If they have had a challenging home life or school life these pieces can be harder to come by. This can create doubt and more fear.

And I just can’t keep living this way
So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage
I’m standing up, Imma face my demons
I’m manning up, Imma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now

Sooner or later your teen will hopefully become bigger than their fear. They will want to overcome and move on more than remain stationary, paralyzed by their fear. They will take a risk and apply to that school, go out for that team, or select that major. They will have the courage to consider their true passion and go for it at any cost in the hopes of finding their happiness instead of letting anything about their history or circumstance hold them back, even if that person is you.
Cause the way I feel, I’m strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I’m raising the bar, I shoot for the moon
But I’m too busy gazing at stars, I feel amazing and

[Chorus]
I’m not afraid to take a stand
Everybody come take my hand
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just let you know that, you’re not alone
Holla if you feel like you’ve been down the same road

When teens think more about what they are afraid to do than what they can do they are unmotivated to try anything for fear they will fail. Ultimately they need to learn to take a chance. They learn like Eminem must have in order to write this song to be unafraid of taking a stand for themselves, for their happiness despite the ups and downs. And although Eminem might not be the mentor you envisioned for your teen the thought that he represents someone or something that can help them along is awfully powerful. It gives teens the thought they aren’t alone in their fear and that there is hope. With hope, there is courage. With courage, there is less fear and then there is action. Now that’s enough to make a parent feel amazing!

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Your Teen May Consider Suicide (Eminem’s Going Through Changes)

Category: Mental Health, Tween | No Comments

The changes involved with sadness then depression are overwhelming for anybody and that includes teens. The ability to gather the energy to execute an idea or plan seems almost impossible even the plan to kill themselves can seem so big until it is the sole thought that they invest all their energy in. They are too weak to ask for help. They are too weak to recognize there is hope. Your fearless approach to their depression can reassure your teen that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Eminem’s Going Through Changes
Why do I act like I’m all high and mighty,
When inside, I’m dying, I am finally realizing I need help.
I can’t do it by myself, too weak, 2 weeks I’ve been having ups and downs,
Going through peaks and valleys, dilly dallying,
Around with the idea, of ending the s**t right here.

This pain can become so unbearable they think about hurting themselves, then want to seriously hurt themselves. Never confuse what this desperate act means. They want the pain to end. They almost never want their lives to end. They don’t understand they can end the pain without ending their lives. They may not realize this until they have started the attempt. There is a lot to suggest that soon after jumping, taking the medication, hearing the train coming people regret their decision, “What did I just do?” It’s the pain. If the pain could stop and there could just be some joy. They would want to stay.

I think I should state a few facts, Cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth.
S**t it just hit me that what if I would notta made it through?
I think about the things I would never got to say to you,
I’d never get to make it right, so here’s what I came to do.

Your teen needs your hope and your maturity. They need to understand that there is a better way. Not in a pollyana way by the way, as Eminem says, When it rains/yes it pours/yes it does. It can seem like that. You just keep getting hit until you can’t get up, but that is your teen’s job…to figure out with your support how to get up. Imagine who they will be when they get through this major valley.

Your teen is going to go through changes and if calculations are right it may first occur in middle school. Watch them like a hawk at this time, like a hawk! If either parent suffered from depression then there should absolutely be a keen sensitivity to this change in mood. It is so consistent their first battle with depression it knocks them on their butt. They don’t know what it is. Their friends will not understand it, they are too young, but watch them and get help. They will make it through. Please give them the light at the end of the tunnel.

Resources:

Hotlines:

1.800.SUICIDE

1.800.273.TALK

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Your Teen Feels Alone (Eminem’s Talkin’ 2 Myself)

Category: Mental Health | No Comments

Your teen wants to know they’re not alone. They need to know this. They think they are, but they aren’t. If you take a moment to think about and understand what your teen is going through when they feel this way, you might realize that maybe you’d feel the same way. It doesn’t mean you shouldn’t parent your teen with guidelines and high expectations, but it does mean that you should respect that they feel alone against the challenges they are facing.

Eminem’s Talkin’ 2 Myself
Is anybody out there?
It feels like I’m talkin to myself
No one seems to know my struggle
And everything I come from
Can anybody hear me?
I guess I keep talkin to myself
It feels like I’m going insane
Am I the one whose crazy?

To be an adult as Eminem clearly is and feel so lost in what he is going through that he can have someone sing this refrain in one of the most honest songs on the CD is profound for a teen who is listening actually, anyone who is listening. Your teen acts stronger than they are because no one wants to be seen as a wimp, but what this does is encourages your teen to lie about the way they feel and then forget that you do want to know what they’re feeling. There are others who have and are feeling the same way. They need to know that they are not alone.
You’re lying to yourself, you’re slowly dying, you’re denying
Your health is declining with your self esteem, you’re crying out for help
Instead they fake it. They see you fake it. They see others at school fake it. You know we didn’t have sex. Why are you lying to all your friends? They can’t put these things together. It makes them irritable and moody and they act out because their world is unsettled. I want to tell you how I feel, but you aren’t honest about what you are going through and you are my role model. I will not burden you with my worries and I will figure them out alone. Be there so they tell you. Listen so they keep telling you. Do something so they know you heard them don’t become paralyzed in your helplessness, let them see you ask others for help.

So why in the world do I feel so alone
Nobody but me, I’m on my own
Is there anyone out there
Who feels the way I feel
If there is then let me in and let me know I’m not the only one

Let them know they’re not the only one. Find a support group, tell them your story, get them in therapy, find a group of peers who share the same experience, buy a book, go to a movie…There is absolutely someone out there who knows their struggle. They should know they aren’t the first and will not be the last to go through such an experience. This is how you teach them that it is okay to be vulnerable with someone so they open up about the way they feel and connect not disconnect with those around them.

Resources:

Suicide Hotline Numbers
1.800.SUICIDE
1.800.273.TALK

Share and Enjoy:

2010-7

Your Teen’s Trust Issues (Eminem’s Space Bound)

Category: Parenting | No Comments

Something that every teen no matter how high or low maintenance needs is consistency. This is true even when your consistency requires they are denied or lose the thing they supposedly want: university scholarship, first love, mentor, night out with friends, etc. It is of the utmost importance that teens trust those who care for them. Your consistency helps secure that trust. Teens are incredibly hard to win back once that trust is lost.

Space Bound by Eminem
Cuz you just, did the impossible, gained my trust
Don’t play games it’ll be dangerous if you f**k me over
Cuz if I get burnt, I’ma show ya what it’s like to hurt
Cuz I’ve been treated like dirt befo’ ya

Eminem is talking about someone he loves, but for teens it could be anyone they hope to be close to or have some sort of relationship with. If you can keep this in the back of your head you can understand as a parent why they are so unforgiving when adults in their lives break promises. This is why a parent who breaks promises about visitation, showing up at games or a certain behavior’s reward can be so loathed by their teen. Eminem is reminding you of your teen’s pain when they are let down by saying he will make someone hurt if his emotions are mistreated. This broken promise can create a feeling of being alone since they feel they cannot trust anyone after being disappointed like this. Now of course they can and hopefully they will trust again, but for the teen mind the hurt is so real and raw it can cause them to repel any close contact, or mushiness. This is the teen who is stoic about their emotions even if they are crying inside.

Nobody knows me, I’m cold, walk down this road all alone
It’s noone’s fault but my own, it’s the path I’ve chosen to go

As a parent, your teen has placed so much trust in you. This is what gives you such great power and influence with your teen. How you choose to use your power and more importantly prioritize your teen on your “To Do” list will determine how much they understand that you are there for them. It will also serve as the foundation for how they relate to and trust others.

promise me if I cave in and break
And leave myself open that I won’t be makin’ a mistake

This seemingly little thing will influence how they extend themselves to others and whether they can open themselves up to feel the emotions of others. Immature coping like laughing in response to a very emotional issue or changing the subject are used when your teen wants to avoid being vulnerable. Your teen will have a very difficult time in future relationships without being able to trust others with their vulnerability so this is a crucial life skill to learn.

Share and Enjoy:

M	T	W	T	F	S	S
« Jun
			1	2	3	4
5	6	7	8	9	10	11
12	13	14	15	16	17	18
19	20	21	22	23	24	25
26	27	28	29	30	31

TheTeenDoc.com
Changing the World One Teen at a Time

Be Body Positive Day!

The Cost of Homophobia, $35, 000

He Did It!

Shouldn’t You Be Sleeping?

Knowing When To Worry

Your Teen Will Be Happy (Eminem’s Cinderella Man)

Your Teen Will Overcome (Eminem’s Not Afraid)

Your Teen May Consider Suicide (Eminem’s Going Through Changes)

Your Teen Feels Alone (Eminem’s Talkin’ 2 Myself)

Your Teen’s Trust Issues (Eminem’s Space Bound)

Announcements

Connect with TheTeenDoc

TwitterCounter

Categories

Archives

Polls

TheTeenDoc.com Changing the World One Teen at a Time

Announcements

Connect with TheTeenDoc

TwitterCounter

Categories

Archives

Polls

TheTeenDoc.com
Changing the World One Teen at a Time