TheTeen Doc - Changing the World One Teen at a Time.

2010-9

Feel Like Your Teen’s Making You Dance?

Category: Parenting | No Comments

It can feel like your teen is running the show by the time you have to walk on egg shells in your own home. Actually, your teen is running the show if you are walking on egg shells in your own home. The feeling of not knowing what might disturb the calm state of things and unleash your teen’s anger is no way to live for you or your teen.

Since tip toeing rarely seems to improve the situation, it might eventually occur to you that you need help with your teen. Coddling your teen by accommodating their moody behavior is no way to handle a moody teen. If you think your teen is more antagonistic than the average teen should be, it really is time to consider that something more serious might be going on.

For some teens anger is about being angry at a decision you have made on their behalf they don’t agree with, a divorce is a great example of this. Your guilt may force you to accommodate their mood thinking you deserve this because of what has become of the family. Depressed teens will also lash out if they do not choose to handle their anger with internalizing symptoms like cutting, eating disorders, etc. These depressed teens seem easily agitated, like they are always picking a fight and can be quick to demonstrate anger over the littlest infraction on your part.

Now the average teen can sometimes seem moody or easily agitated, but these teens I am talking about may truly be provoked to anger or outbursts that cause you to fear for your own safety. This should help you distinguish between a normal teen and a depressed or hurt teen.

If you notice the outbursts are getting worse, it is time to stop tip toeing and get to stepping to a doctor’s office for help. Things are not going to improve without your teen developing better coping skills for their depression so please stop cowering to your teen and even if they say, “No” get them the help you know they need. After all, who’s the parent here? Who should really be running the show?

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2010-9

Listening to Parent Intuition

Category: Parenting | No Comments

For the most part you’re the expert on your tween or teen. If you’re paying attention and listening to what your teen throws your way, you are paying attention enough to develop a gut reaction to anything your teen seems to do differently; Differently eating, using drugs or other substances of abuse or obvious changes in behavior can give you insight into something that might be going on for your teen. Your first impulse should be to act on this feeling.

Every teen parent has a different degree of denial about their teen. Some feel as though their teen can do no wrong while others see the burning school and immediately wonder where their teen is because they have a sneaking suspicion they had something to do with it. Given the range of intuition among parents of teens, it helps if someone can encourage you to listen to this inner voice about your teen.

Looking at these signs are your teen’s request for help might allow you to listen better. It will be much harder for your teen to talk you out of action with comments like “It’s no big deal. All my friends are doing it” or “I have no idea what you are talking about!” The implication of course is how dare you think such a thought about me. This generates enough guilt to make you run back to your corner. The problem with these thin attempts at reassuring a parent are that they allow the real problem to continue, which can cause your teen to get worse with each passing day.

You are the expert on your teen, if you know they’re acting differently, seem to be worried or just not themselves, you owe it to you and your teen to act on your intutition. Listen to your gut and act on your teen’s voice telling you, I need your help.

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2010-9

New Emergency Contraception

Category: Sexual Health | No Comments

The FDA recently approved a new method of emergency contraception also called the morning after pill, Ella (ulipristal acetate). There will now be two methods on the market. Why a new pill? What makes this one so special may be found in how efficient the pills works, as many as five days after unprotected sex; and its chemical properties, consisting of a similar drug found in RU-486.

When should it be used?
Emergency contraception is just that contraception that is needed in a state of emergency. It is not intended for use as a primary method of birth control. Instead it is designed to use in extreme cases like the first week a hormonal method is started, a condom breaks, or rape. Ella is as efficient on the 5th day as it is on the first day and this is different from Plan B that gradually decreases efficacy by the fifth day.

How does it work?
Although this method claims the same uses as One Step Plan B, it is becoming more controversial because of the chemical properties in the drug that are similar to RU-486, considered an abortion causing drug up to 9 weeks after pregnancy. It is this component, the urlipristal acetate, that leads some groups to consider this emergency contraception unique in that it may cause an abortion. This is not so according to patient information for Ella, which states the method of pregnancy prevention to be that of preventing fertilization and implantation.

What are the side-effects?
Common side effects of Ella include mild to moderate headache, nausea, abdominal pain, painful menstrual cramps, fatigue and dizziness. None of these symptoms can be attributed to abortion since animal studies show that Ella has little effect on an established pregnancy.

Where can you get it?
You can get Ella by prescription only from any health care provider. For any sexually active woman whether they are on birth control or not, they should have a reliable method of emergency contraception in their medicine cabinet. It looks like there is one more method that will fit that bill even more reliably.

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2010-8

Your Teen’s Distorted Perception of Self

Category: Eating Disorders, Parenting | No Comments

By the time your teen is an adult, they should be happy with how they look. There are significant influences on whether this happens are not. One is how comfortable their parents are with how they look, and two is how much your teen compares themselves to people outside the home.

Teens are going flip through magazines and read about their favorite stars and wonder how they will look when they are an adult. Often times, they may compare how they look now to the adult in the magazine and this can weigh heavily on how they feel about themselves. However, long before they see the pictures in the magazine they will hear you as you prepare for work in the morning, go out on a date or just get ready for every day activity. Comments like “This makes me look fat,” “I look awful in this” or “I want body liposuction” can make an impact on the toddler following you around who sees their gorgeous Mommy or Daddy not the negative image you portray. Over time, they too will look in the mirror and mimic what they have seen. This is way before they will see any cover of a magazine.

A parent who is critical of their own appearance, may be equally critical of their teen’s appearance and this can start at an early age with comments like “Stop eating all the time. You look like a stuffed pig going to market” or “Do you have to eat that? Didn’t we just eat?” are subtle (or not so subtle) statements to your teen that they are not good enough the way they are.

These comments in the home complicated by comments at school, or simply comparing themselves to how their peers are experiencing puberty can severely affect your teen’s body image. Your teen can end up thinking, Something must be wrong with me if I am not as developed, too developed, not as tall, more hippy, etc. These personal attacks together with magazine covers, parent and peer comments can culminate in poor self esteem.

The journey to self acceptance is sometimes challenging, but in the end well worth it. The journey is much easier if you start with you and go from there.

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2010-8

I Do Well In Classes I Like

Category: Education | No Comments

What were your grades last semester? “Well I did OK in everything except a few courses that I got a ‘D’ or ‘F’ in.” “Why do you think those classes didn’t go well?” “Well I didn’t like that coursework and the teacher sucked. So I just focused on the classes I liked.”

Can you imagine telling your boss the reason you only did part of what was asked was because the other stuff wasn’t that much fun for you? Any takers on how long before you needed to find another job? High School really is an opportunity to develop the skills required for life. This simple work ethic taken on by so many teens when it comes to school work is no exception.

Your teen’s success in a course should not be dependent on whether or not they like the course or the teacher. Yes, certain aspects of a course or teacher’s style may make something more challenging, but it is no reason to just give up. Instead, it becomes a testament to your teen’s willingness to work through a challenge, to try and more importantly believe in themselves. Every experience that life offers consists of something to learn that can make your teen better. It may offer a better study habit improving a grade in another class, it can offer a topic of discussion at an important job interview or it can allow them to learn something about themselves and that is that they are stronger than they think. How important a lesson is that to know? Priceless.

Your teen is not done maturing; their perception of reality is often short-sighted because of this. It is up to you to think up a creative way to let them learn the lesson of their short-sighted game plan with the hopes that they glean a new approach to their academic success.

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2010-8

Punishment v. Discipline, which is your style?

Category: Parenting | No Comments

“No” whichever form it comes in is never going to be fun for your teen to hear. However, you do have the power to help your teen realize they are being asked to be their better selves rather than being penalized for where they are in life. You do this by making sure they feel disciplined rather than punished.

It helps to begin with the definition of discipline, which is an activity, exercise, practice or a regimen that is designed to improve a skill. It is training. Compare this to the definition of punishment, which is suffering, pain or loss as a way of retribution. Too many times when a parent hands down the consequences for misbehavior, they forget that the goal is to improve the skill of fill in the blank. So, to improve problem solving skills, improve judgment skills, improve time management skills or improve social interaction skills. It rarely occurs to parents of teens that at times their consequences serve to actually cause suffering or pain, which are key elements of the definition of punishment. Once you understand this, it is clear why consequences meted out do little to change behavior and serve more to anger or distance you from your teen.

Discipline is the goal of good parenting. It is the foundation upon which responsible and self-sufficient adults are created. When you design parenting on punishment you take on the role of jailor not mentor and this is not a good set up for good communication between you and your teen nor is it the stuff upon which great parent-teen relationships are built.

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2010-8

Dont Ask Don’t Tell

Category: Parenting, Teen General Development | No Comments

Although this phrase has become associated with the military intolerance of GLBTQ, there is another context that you should use to think of this expression, your teen.

Your teen has a lot on their mind. They probably should speak with someone about it. The problem is that when they finally get to the point of wanting to say something no one is around to ask the question. Without an adult willing to ask the question, your teen can feel justified in not giving an answer.

If you don’t ask, your teen will not tell. So you must be willing to ask the question as well as hear the answer in order to allow your teen enough courage to tell you what is on their mind. You see, they think you will judge. They think you will laugh. They think you will disregard their concern. This will devastate them and you may never hear their voice again.

Sometimes it’s more important to consider why your teen won’t tell you something rather than what your teen won’t tell you. You have to consider how open you are to things that effect your teen, break your teen’s heart and make your teen think their world has come to an end.

Reassurance goes a long way. It can give your teen hope and make them feel connected and teens who are connected are less likely to find a negative support system that will make them go astray.

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2010-8

But All The Other Parents…

Category: Parenting | No Comments

“No?! All the other parents let their kids have alcohol parties at their home. They know they’re having sex too, but they think it‘s better to let them do it at home instead of out there somewhere. Really, Mom, you’re such a dork.”

Whatever you do, don’t be intimidated. Stand your ground. Her friend’s parents may or may not be allowing their kids to do these things, but you are responsible for your daughter. It is to her you owe the common sense to know what she can and cannot handle. She cannot handle this kind of freedom. It is such a difficult issue for so many adults, your teen is not ready to make these types of decisions especially under the influence of alcohol or other substances of abuse.

If you’ve decided to be a dork, understand that you have saved your teen from one of the most common causes of unintentional pregnancy, sex under the influence of alcohol. You have spared her from a common cause of sexual assault. You have spared her from the most common cause of accident and injury (the leading cause of death among teens) alcohol.

Your job is to parent your teen. They may try and make you feel bad about this, but you will earn their respect by standing your ground. Your teen does not understand the consequences the way you do. They are hoping deep down you will help them or better force them to do the right thing. You know this because if you were to indulge them and something were to go terribly wrong, they would look at you and ask “Why weren’t you there to protect them?, Why weren’t you the parent?” After all, they’re just a teen.

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2010-8

Domestic Violence Victims

Category: Abuse | No Comments

“Let’s get ready to leave for father’s day service! We’re late.” Her teen daughter’s voice is screeching from her room, “You’ve got to be kidding me! I’m not going to honor a man who is so cruel to us. Mom, what are you doing? Don’t you live here? Don’t you see? Why are you doing this? Well I’m not having any part of this charade. I’m staying here!”

What do you do? You are Mom and what do you do when faced with your daughter’s truth; A truth about which you have been in denial? She is goading you. She is asking that you do something no, she is begging that you do something. She is begging you to stick up for her; that you keep her safe. She is appalled that you are celebrating someone that makes your lives miserable every day.

As it turned out this Mom did not understand her daughter’s anger towards her. Her daughter always seemed to be so angry. This Mom did not know why. Why her daughter wasn’t more respectful. She could sense that her daughter thought she was weak. Her daughter swore she would not grow up to be anything like her mother. Her anger is understandable only when you can appreciate what the mother has done to her daughter. She has let her down. She should be keeping her daughter safe and instead it would seem as though she has conspired with her abusive husband to maintain the façade of a happy home rather than the truth of a safe home.

You can never underestimate the personal self-esteem challenges that it takes to have a woman marry and stay with an abusive husband, but when you are confronted with a daughter that has guts to say what she sees rather than keeping those feelings inside and bleeding or purging them out, it should give you a reason to pause. Her daughter’s anger is justified. Parents are supposed to keep their teens safe, not put them in harm’s way.

If you know of a teen that is enduring abuses, please do what you can to change their environment. It is the one way you can change the teen. Sometimes you can recognize it when they take their anger out on others while other times you will see them direct it inwards as depression, cutting or addiction disorders like drug abuse. If it is not safe, call the police, call protective services, offer a safe haven, or give safe resources in the community, pro bono lawyers, organizations that help battered women and their children. Whatever you do please do something. These teens are suffering and if they can’t depend on their parents in order to restore their faith in themselves, they should be able to depend on an adult in their community.

Resources:

National Domestic Violence Hotline

Helpguide.org

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2010-8

A Potentially Deadly Meningitis

Category: Medical Health | 1 Comment

When parents hear neck pain and fever in the same sentence, the immediate concern is possible meningitis. There is the call to the doctor’s office or the rush to the emergency room especially after an outbreak of meningitis. The panic can be overwhelming for the general and medical community. Here is what you should know.

What is Meningitis? is swelling of the coverings of the brain or spine. The swelling can be so much that it causes a very bad headache or pain along the spinal cord. This pain along the spinal cord is what causes the pain when your teen bends their neck forward.

What is the cause?

The cause can be either viral or bacterial. The big difference is the outcome. Bacterial meningitis although less common is more serious and can be fatal. Viral meningitis usually improves with supportive care even though the teen can still be very uncomfortable.

One type of bacterial meningitis that is particularly potentially dangerous is Neisseria Meningitidis. This is the type that can occur in clusters especially in tight living situations like dorms and military campuses. People seem to get sick very quickly and by the time they seek care they are sicker than their family realized. Of the two types, 0.9-1.5 people are going to get this type of meningitis in a year in the United States.

How does your teen get it?

The N. Meningitidis likes to live in the nose and the throat. It is spread through droplets and sits growing for about 3-4 days in which time it is spread to other people. Some people are what we call carriers and they always have the organism living in their nose or throat.

What are some of the signs?

The signs of meningitis are a quick onset of fever, bad headache, nausea, light sensitivity, vomiting and neck stiffness. Sometimes there is a rash that can be on the hands or feet, or tiny dots of blood red rash all over the body, but this might not come until later in the illness when the person is very sick. There can sometimes be lethargy which is a really rag doll way of acting not just tired.

How is it treated?

N. Meningitis is treated with antibiotics given strait into the blood. Even after the antibiotics are started infected patients may still die, but in more cases than not the antibiotics help. For those who live with the infected person they can sometimes be treated with antibiotics given as a shot or two days of tablets taken by mouth to prevent them from getting them disease.

How is it prevented?

It is very hard to prevent N. Meningitidis. The best things are more common sense like not drinking after someone who is ill and washing your hands especially after blowing the nose or coughing. There is a vaccine with four types of N Meningitidis in it, but this does not include the most common type B of N. Meningitidis in the US. Looking for the signs and getting medical help as soon as possible are other ways you can prevent a deadly outcome of this type of meningitis and it is not always guaranteed.

Resources

CDC

WebMD

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TheTeenDoc.com
Changing the World One Teen at a Time

Feel Like Your Teen’s Making You Dance?

Listening to Parent Intuition

New Emergency Contraception

Your Teen’s Distorted Perception of Self

I Do Well In Classes I Like

Punishment v. Discipline, which is your style?

Dont Ask Don’t Tell

But All The Other Parents…

Domestic Violence Victims

A Potentially Deadly Meningitis

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TheTeenDoc.com Changing the World One Teen at a Time

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