“How much should I weigh? I know I’ve lost 20 lbs, but I still think I weigh so much. I don’t feel like I lost any weight at all. Yes, I know my clothes fit so loose, but…”

There is a lot of talk about overweight children and teens in this country. There is even more talk about how overweight teens become overweight and even obese adults and then their health issues are complicated by all these other medical diseases like diabetes, joint disease, heart disease, and stroke to name a few. There is a lot of talk about the overweight group of teens, but there is little about what happens if we make them so aware of their weight they think life will become a walk on petals if they just lose the weight by any means necessary. Skipping meals, diet pills, shakes and excessive exercise and worse, when they have done something as significant as dropping 20 lbs they treat the accomplishment like it was only a pound. This is a huge red flag to me. This reminds me of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). These teens never see their body as okay and that’s even when they are at a healthy weight. This is why anorexics feel and appear so fat to themselves and that is why Michael Jackson could never get that nose right. They always see something wrong with their body no matter how perfect it really looks.

The medical community is asking for healthy weight loss not so your teen looks “skinny,” but so your teen doesn’t have all these medical complications associated with being overweight or obese. It’s a slippery slope to anorexia and other eating disorders not to mention BDD, but if we pay attention to red flags we can often stop them in the early stages. Anyone who doesn’t like themselves at 200lbs won’t like themselves at 135 lbs and those are the teens whose weight loss can benefit from therapy before the healthy weight loss can really begin.

Related posts:

1. Struggling With Your Overweight Teen?
2. Are You Calling Your Teen Fat?
3. The Fat Girl In The Family

One of the first steps to losing weight is your teen accepting themselves the way they are, large or small. They have to accept themselves the way they are and then recognize what is contributing to them being “out of control” when it comes to their eating. For some teens it’s about creating a barrier between themselves and others. If they have a history of abuse, the weight is a way to make themselves less attractive to people who might want to abuse them.  In other words, the weight becomes a protective mechanism. Asking these teens to lose weight is like asking them to be vulnerable to abuse they endured like molestation or rape.

Overweight teens have all sorts of reasons they’re not able to control their eating and lose the weight so taking the time to understand what the weight means to them can help them solve more than just heir weight issues.

Related posts:

1. Your Teen’s First Step In Weight Loss
2. Are You Calling Your Teen Fat?
3. I Really Want To Be SKINNY

Teens are going flip through magazines and read about their favorite stars and wonder how they will look when they are an adult. Often times, they may compare how they look now to the adult in the magazine and this can weigh heavily on how they feel about themselves. However, long before they see the pictures in the magazine they will hear you as you prepare for work in the morning, go out on a date or just get ready for every day activity. Comments like “This makes me look fat,” “I look awful in this” or “I want body liposuction” can make an impact on the toddler following you around who sees their gorgeous Mommy or Daddy not the negative image you portray. Over time, they too will look in the  mirror and mimic what they have seen. This is way before they will see any cover of a magazine.

A parent who is critical of their own appearance, may be equally critical of their teen’s appearance and this can start at an early age with comments like “Stop eating all the time. You look like a stuffed pig going to market” or “Do you have to eat that? Didn’t we just eat?” are subtle (or not so subtle) statements to your teen that they are not good enough the way they are.

These comments in the home complicated by comments at school, or simply comparing themselves to how their peers are experiencing puberty can severely affect your teen’s body image. Your teen can end up thinking, Something must be wrong with me if I am not as developed, too developed, not as tall, more hippy, etc. These personal attacks together with magazine covers, parent and peer comments can culminate in poor self esteem.

The journey to self acceptance is sometimes challenging, but in the end well worth it. The journey is much easier if you start with you and go from there.

No related posts.

Eating Disorders are on the rise among women, men, and people of color. The old stereotypes of who had eating disorders no longer apply and this has caused a generation of self conscious teens to levels that have not been previous seen. It is normal for sometime in the tweens for body comparisons to occur. Tweens compare their bodies to their peers and decide that what they have must not be as good. They are too thin, too fat, too booby, too hippy or too muscular. These toos give way to more negative thoughts as there is some rejection from a love interest or comments from others around them on their being too thin, too fat, too booby, hippy or muscular. The negative recording can create a desperation that can begin with a simple diet and progress to a full blown body image and/or eating disorder.

Restricting junk food, then having guilt if it is eaten is a red flag. This should prompt parents to bring their teen to their pediatrician’s office for a weight check. Other variations in diet like vegetarianism or restriction of fats like olive oil and salad dressing can change the body causing complication like fractures, missed periods, slow heart rates, slow breathing, difficulty concentrating, sleep trouble and difficulty regulating body temperature.

It takes a lot of work to counter the negative thoughts of your teen’s body and Be Positive Body Day my just be the first step in trying to counter that message. Because the truth is no matter how beautiful, how thin, or how rich a person becomes without accepting yourself for who you are, you cannot be beautiful enough, thin enough or rich enough to make yourself happy.

Try This: Try making a positive statement about each body part as in I am grateful for my legs that allow me the freedom to step out of my house, walk down the street and run away from negative things. I am grateful for my belly that is able to digest food of all types and doesn’t need tubes in or out to allow me to take in calories or get rid of my waste. These body parts work and I am grateful for that. Building on this as a counter to each negative thought can help your teen develop acceptance and gratitude.

Related posts:

1. Positive and Negative Criticism Angels
2. Body Dysmorphic Disorder 101
3. Positive Teen Brain Reinforcement!

All in all this isn’t a problem, but when you see your tween or teen go for that inch, you should have bells and whistles alarm that they might be more concerned than they should be. If they’re involved in any sports like gymnastics, ice skating or ballet you may want to take them in for a professional weight check. As is, the weight of these teens and girls in particular is going to be on the low side if they have aggressively been doing their sport since an early age. The nature of this type of work out almost daily for that period of time will delay their puberty and all that comes with it: breasts, menstruation and yes, fat. But not all fat is bad and in fact there needs to be at least 17% fat to start a menstruation cycle in puberty and 21% to maintain it.

The point is that you absolutely need fat in order to have the body function well. Tweens and teens are still growing or laying the foundation for good bone strength and organ function and they should not be questioning the amount they have since so much of it plays a protective and productive role in their every day functioning.

Fat lines nerve cells that allow them to communicate better, it forms the basis upon which very important hormones are made like vitamin D, estrogen (also important in bone strength), progesterone and testosterone to name a select few.  Furthermore fat is protective in that if the organs didn’t have the comfort of some fat cushioning them inside of the body, your teen would be much more vulnerable to serious accidents with minimal trauma.

Kellogs was trying to help people understand that they needn’t pinch more than an inch and certainly not every body type is conducive to this type of inaccurate screen. No one seems to remember that. They’re simply shocked when they can pinch an inch or anything at all. Stop pinching and get your teen to stop pinching too instead, focus on the key elements of healthy lifestyle choices.

No related posts.

The recent Tiger Woods scandal was probably such a shocker because as Roger Tillis of Viewmysport.com states, “What is ironic is that Tiger Woods was one of the athletes that the press, society and peers all regarded so highly! Phrases like “mature beyond his age” and “determined, focused, mature and respectful” were all on the same line as Tiger. He was truly a fantastic example of how “to be” as an athlete or really, a person.” Tiger became a little more human that day. An ordinary human being who plays an exceptional game of golf.

The diagnosis of “Sex Addiction” is actually not in the DSM or book of mental health disorders, there are varying opinions on what it even is, but what is somewhat clear through the fog is that sex addiction is a bad coping mechanism to manage historic pain.  These are coping mechanisms that develop from experiences while growing up at one of the most formative times of your life, the teens.  This is when Tiger found out his father was cheating on his Mom. Not only did he know this, but he was aware that when his Dad was out of the home that he was most likely with a mistress.  This is a lot for a teen who holds their dad in high regard.  It is even more mind boggling to have that Dad then turn around and hold their teen to a higher moral code through a demanding work ethic and social decorum.

For some teens they will have eating disorders, drug addiction, and alcoholism to cope. For Tiger who cried over his Dad’s affairs in his teen years especially as he transitioned to Stanford, it was sex addiction. The teen years are tough enough and no teen should have to deal with a Dad being that open about disrespecting their Mom through adultery. It clearly did not make sense to Tiger and one might say he has spent the last several years trying to make sense of it while holding his Dad up like all teens as his “role model.”

Teens whether they are prodigies or “ordinary” need adult support to thrive. To truly thrive they need someone to help them make sense of things especially when they really don’t make sense. Your teen knows about Tiger Woods because he is famous, but your teen also knows someone in his class or maybe it is your teen that needs the extra support. Someone should have given Tiger that support through counseling and holding him accountable for bad coping mechanisms they must have seen before that text message. Someone should have cared enough to choreograph more than his public appearances, but his healing process too.

Related posts:

1. Nothing Wrong With A Bit Of “Tiger Mom” In You
2. 3 Things Teens Learn From Their Mistakes
3. But All The Other Parents…

In anticipation of all the food, a teen with an eating disorder may begin to accommodate the overeating by starving themselves before the festivities begin. They may have anxiety about family and friends who mean well, but remind the anorexic teen to, eat. For the bulimic, the reverse may occur with secret overeating and hording  food then purging or excessive exercise to rid of the calories.

If your teen has been doing well distracting themselves and developing a more positive body image, the thought of family who have not seen them for a whole year commenting on weight gain or loss might send them into a tail spin. Be prepared for this and have some protective measures in place for your teen.

1. Avoidance

Keep anorexic family members away from your teen or excuse yourself from those gatherings.

2. Rules

Establish rules with extended family to eliminate body image discussion or appearance with your teen. If they can’t do this well then they probably shouldn’t be around your teen, but if they can, they are part of the buffer that should help protect your teen from other family.

3. Time-out

Let your teen know they should make you aware of what they are feeling especially if they’re overwhelmed or anxious. You can even have a secret code to help remove them from stressful or anxiety producing situations (e.g. a thumbs up from across the room). Discussing the plan and establishing a back-up plan can help reduce anxiety.

4. Medical Team

Check-ins with therapists and clinicians increased as needed. These resources help hold your teen accountable as well. They also serve to echo your rules, which give you a break from being the “bad guy.”

The holidays can be stressful for several reasons although they don’t need to be. With good communication and anticipation of potential pitfalls for your eating disorder teen, you can avoid unnecessary setbacks that could have your teen restart treatment or be hospitalized over the holiday season. Your preparation will keep them healthy and safe, home with you.

Related posts:

1. Social Skills
2. 4 Mental Health Issues For The Holidays
3. 5 Healthy Coping Skills To Try

You think your trying to help, but your teen thinks you’re just an a**hole for mentioning it. This only serves to make their weight a point of contention between the two of you –NOT bring you two together, and in order for your teen to succeed, you two are going to need to work together.

So much of your teen’s self esteem is wrapped up in their body image. You know this because this is common among adults as well. No wife wants to hear their husband mention their weight. If you’re struggling with your weight you may chose to focus on your teen’s weight in order to right the wrong of your weight challenges. If you have been overweight in high school then your mission might sound like, “I just don’t want them to have to endure what I did through high school.” And, if you have no weight problem at all, you may have a more difficult time empathizing with your teen’s struggles.

A healthy weight is a great goal, but sometimes in the quest for a healthy weight it may be helpful to solicit the help of someone outside the family. Weight loss is 90% mind control and so it’s important that your teen’s thinking is in the right place. For this, they need your support so find a bad guy.

Great bad guys:
1.  Pediatrician – A great source of information for the exact height versus weight measurement that is at risk. They can also send labs and help explain the medical complications of being overweight.
2.  Nutritionist – They can help provide information on common misconceptions about healthy eating (e.g. juice is better than soda –it’s not by the way).
3.  Specialist –This can include a specialist for the many complications of overweight or obesity (e.g. endocrinologist who manages diabetes or the orthopedist who manages joint problems).
4.  Therapist – The 90% mind control can be teased out in therapy since depression and other emotional problems can be inhibitors to weight management success.

Save yourself the stress and your relationship with your teen. You have to live with your teen, get someone else to bring up their weight with them. Keep your role as support and as always if you need to make changes, make them.

Related posts:

1. Hollywood Is Calling Your Teen
2. Struggling With Your Overweight Teen?
3. Your Teen’s First Step In Weight Loss

What is an eating disorder?

Eating disorders are really mental health disorders. The pattern of eating is obsessive-like to meet the need of the desired body image outcome or compulsion whether that is to be thin, or rid of excess calories that have been eaten.  Offering food to the person with an eating disorder like anorexia is like offering arsenic to a person on the street. You wouldn’t expect the person on the street to accept arsenic to eat and neither does the person with the eating disorder accept the food. Food is poison to the anorexic and so it makes sense that they don’t eat it.  Another way to understand the mind altering effects of eating disorders is the rail thin person who still thinks they are fat despite bones being clearly visible.  Their brain is playing a trick on them that cannot be broken by a loved one stating, “but your sooooo thin!” 

Other variations of eating disorders (e.g. the athletic triad)are caused by a huge difference in the huge amount of exercise a person does especially with competitive sports and the small amount of food they eat .  Some (e.g. Bulimia Nervosa) may eat a lot of food and then feel so guilty and bloated after that they must rid of the food or the food’s calories, while yet another group (e.g. compulsive eating disorder and obesity) eat as though the food were their drug of choice they crave. The way an alcoholic craves alcohol. Because it’s not just about the food, but the meaning the food takes on, it is important not to simplify eating disorders to just getting them to eat or not eat depending on which eating disorder they have.

Associated mental health issues are common

Eating disorders can have other mental health problems associated with them. You can be so focused on the eating disorder you miss the obsessive compulsive disorder where they excessively dwell on certain things like weight, cleanliness or grades all being done to extreme.  Others may do self-injurious behavior like cutting, burning or picking seen especially with bulimia nervosa and finally depression can potentially be seen with almost all the eating disorders.  Here the eating disorder offers a way to cope or handle the underlying depression and therefore some control over some aspect of their lives.

How do you treat eating disorders?

1. A multidisciplinary team, which is fancy language for there are a lot of specialties involved to help your teen get better.

• Medical clinician
• Nutritionist
• Mental health worker
• Social or case worker (especially if there are concerns about being hospitalized or obtaining outpatient or inpatient special services). 

2.  Support

It is important to seek  various types of support whether mental health, friends, school, other parents who are going through this condition or ideally a combination because it will enable you to see the light at the end of the tunnel.  Teens do get better, but they need strong support systems and so do you.

3.  Patience

There are several ups and downs before someone gets better. The average number of times it takes a smoker to quit smoking is eight. If caught early eating disorders are very treatable so speak up. If your gut is telling you something is wrong (e.g. your teen seems to be cold more than others, their hair is falling out, they seem cranky or irritable, they are wearing bigger clothes, started a special diet like cutting sweets, in the case of girls skip periods or you actually notice weight loss) act on it by making an appointment with their medical clinician to get the facts of their story and their vital signs checked. 

Eating disorders are bad coping mechanisms. Your teen needs the skill to cope with whatever stress they are experiencing whether that stress occurred years ago or recently.  Never think that getting your teen to eat a steak or avoid junk food is the way to treat an eating disorder. This will only prevent you from getting the treatment they need in a timely manner.

To read more about eating disorders check out Something fishy.

Related posts:

1. Body Dysmorphic Disorder 101
2. Be Body Positive Day!
3. 4 Skills For ED Teens To Eat Better For The Holidays