TheTeenDoc.com » Education

Freshman of 2011

teendoc — Thu, 04 Aug 2011 11:00:27 +0000

School will start before you know it and for freshman in high school one of the big deterrents to doing well their first year in high school is socializing.

The transition from middle to high school can really make a teen nervous even if they’re walking on campus the first day knowing friends they had in middle school. High school can change people for the better and worse. Your teen may wonder about their ability to be academically competitive, they may wonder if they’ll have a close enough network of friends or associates so they aren’t sitting at the lunch table by themselves or walking down the hall knowing no one. These anxieties can cause them to make choices that change their priorities about why they attend school. As many a mother used to say, “I don’t send you to school to look cute. I send you to school to get an education!” The truth is your teen goes to school sometimes just to look cute.

Set up frequent check-in points rather than letting the entire semester go by and they see their grades plummet. After the first month is a great time to check the timeliness of homework and projects. Give strong positive feedback that is specific so they know what they’re doing right, that’s awesome how you time manage so that you have phone time and it is after you do homework. I like that you have your priorities straight and that is why you have the privileges you do with your phone. As long as you show you can make a grown up decision about getting your work done, you can have these privileges. You just told your teen exactly how to please you and keep their privileges.

Best wishes freshman of 2011!

5 Great Reasons To Volunteer When They Won’t Hire

teendoc — Mon, 16 May 2011 11:00:05 +0000

Summer is around the corner and I am sure your teen may be looking for some cash in the way of job opportunities.

Unemployment for adults is high. It isn’t going to be much better for teens this summer. Try suggesting to your teen that even if they can’t get paid for their services they can always opt to volunteer doing the job they would like to get paid for. Before you get frustrated with the wrinkled brow that is over your teen’s eyes as they consider there’s no money in that, have them consider this:

1. Education

Whether they’re paid or volunteer, they’ll learn a great skill. They have the opportunity to learn from more experienced people how to do a particular thing in a field which can specialize your teen’s knowledge.

2. Volunteer Conversion

Employers and future bosses respect reliable and hard working employess and this can sometimes motivate someone to hire your teen when they have some extra cash in their till later on in the summer.

3. Mentor

When your teen picks a job that is close to what they’re thinking about as a future career, they have the opportunity to meet people who are currently in the field and not only learn from their mistakes and serendipity, but also guidance on how to improve the process given all that is available now.

4. Letters of Recommendation

Being around others who are in the field your teen would love to enter presents the opportunity to ask for a letter of recommendation if they really do a great job and this means coming early and leaving late! A recommendation from someone already in the field speaks volumes in terms of an endorsement.

5. Job Trial

If your teen thinks they want to enter the field there is no better way to try it out than to volunteer. This type of trial apprenticeship allows them to learn a lot of the unglamorized parts of the job that will either motivate your teen because they don’t care or get them to consider another field without the wasted college money!

Teaching Perseverance With School

teendoc — Thu, 28 Apr 2011 11:00:05 +0000

I suck at Geometry! You may have heard this before. Maybe the class was English, Spanish, Social Science, etc. The issue was that your teen thought they weren’t good at something and that’s why they gave up on being any good at it. What else can you do?

Teaching it slower or repeating the assignment does not help your teen understand the material any better. You have to think up a new strategy to help them grasp the information. A lot of this starts with finding someone who can be patient and understand your teen’s learning style and then re-teach the information in a way that is consistent with that style. Maybe your teen needs to run around, have something to place in their hands, see a real life situation of how the course is relevant to life, the point is that teens are very social creatures and they take things in that allow them to be more involved. Abstract theory isn’t always the key for teens whose brains have not made those connections yet.

School isn’t just about being smart, school teaches perseverance. Just like a difficult subject, there will be obstacles in the road that will challenge your teen. It’s important they understand the challenge can be overcome. They just need to be wired to want to overcome and not give up too early!

Positive Teen Brain Reinforcement!

teendoc — Mon, 25 Apr 2011 11:00:52 +0000

More important than any praise they get from someone else is your teen’s ability to do something well and see the result of their ability. When this happens a lot, your teen feels good about themselves.

This is the nature of the teen brain that has parts of it that process positive experiences while other parts process negative experiences. When your teen does something that makes them have a positive experience, it releases hormones that give that happy feeling. They end up wanting more of it, so they’re willing to do more of the activity. They get a positive result on a test, they score a game-winning-point, or they get “Thanks” from you for having done something great! When your teen has a negative experience like a poor grade, frustration with homework, conflict with you over the grades after they’ve tried their best well, you can imagine they want to avoid these experiences more and more. This can lead to skipping H.W., skipping class, skipping school and then finally dropping out.

If you can empathize with your teen’s negative feelings associated with something and how poorly it makes them feel about themselves you can develop strategies to help them improve their school performance, or home participation. This way they’ll keep doing the activity because there’s a positive feeling associated with the activity that makes them feel good about themselves.

Reading, A Timeless Skill

teendoc — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 11:00:28 +0000

Reading seems to be a lost art. It certainly got a boost from a lot of book clubs and the types of books out there certainly increased readership especially when it was associated with a movie or vampires, but reading for information is important too.

Your teen is more likely to copy your behaviour than anyone else’s behaviour so what they see is important. This is more important than what they hear. It doesn’t matter what you read, but seeing you read is a way to get your teen to understand the importance of finding the answers for themselves. Yes, there are certain things you can discover by asking someone and your teen doesn’t need to work so hard to retain facts they can look up or ask someone, but some things are better discovered on your own. This way they discover if what they have been told is the truth or a lie.

Reading is about being curious, learning and not being bamboozled. Mary J. Blige early in her career was so busy trying to protect an image of herself she faked reading her contracts and lost so much financially. She ultimately went back to get her G.E.D. and later stressed to teens they should finish school. This has happened to several successful people and not so successful people. Reading, the skill of reading develops a natural curiosity to read the fine print and places your teen in a position of power instead of victim.

Reading to Build a Future

But, The Teacher Hates Me!

teendoc — Fri, 25 Mar 2011 11:00:02 +0000

“I’m telling ya ma, the teacher hates me. They suck!” If you haven’t heard this as an excuse for poor grades then you might not yet have a frustrated student in your house. The question is, “Why do you hate the teacher?”

People get vibes from each other so your teen can tend to get what they give when they have the vibe that they aren’t liked by someone. What is it your teen doesn’t like about this person? They push them too hard? They make them work for a grade? They expect more of them? Here is the switch. Your teen as an adult is not going to like a co-worker, a boss, or the doctor that has to do their surgery perhaps. What do you do? Do you really want to piss off the person about to do your surgery? This is a life skill. You want to ask your teen to spend the week finding one thing they genuinely like about that teacher. If they have to stay after and ask questions to figure something out then so be it. This is what they will think about when they think of this person so they start to act differently. If an opportunity arises they may even say to the teacher, “Hey, I really like the way you lay out the lessons so we are more organized.” This type of behavior is what endears you to people that you do not immediately like.

Teaching your teen life skills instead of letting them get away with childish behavior is what you are there for. When your teen is asking to be treated like an adult your teaching life skills is a gift that will keep on giving as they become an adult.

The Peace of Being Yourself

teendoc — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 11:00:28 +0000

How’s school? “Great” How are your grades? “I have a 3.5.” Wow! Last year when I spoke to you your G.P.A. was a 0.08, what the heck happened? “I got to live with my uncle so that I could attend Military School. Wow! Isn’t that what you always wanted to do? Oh my goodness, that is the difference of you doing something you’re passionate about? He nods his head and has a big smile on his face.

One day in your teen’s life they’re going to have an epiphany about who they are as in how they were meant to express themselves to the world. If they’re lucky they will have this epiphany while they can still do something about it and if they’re very lucky they will have this epiphany when they are young. When they are courageous enough to express this epiphany or understanding of themselves it is life changing, but not without the proper support from adults in their lives.

For this teen, someone heard them and said even if I have to live apart from you, I am going to support you because it is clear you want this so badly. As a parent, your job is to help your teen discover and then nurture their inner passion. Until your teen discovers that inner passion, you place opportunities before them to help ignite that epiphany. When a parent is paying very close attention, they may see the evolution before their teen can even verbalize it.

The take home point is that denying your teen expression of themselves creates absolute misery for them in the way of grades, depression, and acting out for example. It behooves any parent to listen to their teen when they come to you with information about whom they think they are or becoming. Listen, because the cost of ignoring them is so high.

Keepin’ The Peace

I Do Well In Classes I Like

teendoc — Mon, 30 Aug 2010 11:00:48 +0000

What were your grades last semester? “Well I did OK in everything except a few courses that I got a ‘D’ or ‘F’ in.” “Why do you think those classes didn’t go well?” “Well I didn’t like that coursework and the teacher sucked. So I just focused on the classes I liked.”

Can you imagine telling your boss the reason you only did part of what was asked was because the other stuff wasn’t that much fun for you? Any takers on how long before you needed to find another job? High School really is an opportunity to develop the skills required for life. This simple work ethic taken on by so many teens when it comes to school work is no exception.

Your teen’s success in a course should not be dependent on whether or not they like the course or the teacher. Yes, certain aspects of a course or teacher’s style may make something more challenging, but it is no reason to just give up. Instead, it becomes a testament to your teen’s willingness to work through a challenge, to try and more importantly believe in themselves. Every experience that life offers consists of something to learn that can make your teen better. It may offer a better study habit improving a grade in another class, it can offer a topic of discussion at an important job interview or it can allow them to learn something about themselves and that is that they are stronger than they think. How important a lesson is that to know? Priceless.

Your teen is not done maturing; their perception of reality is often short-sighted because of this. It is up to you to think up a creative way to let them learn the lesson of their short-sighted game plan with the hopes that they glean a new approach to their academic success.

But, My Kid’s A Genius

teendoc — Fri, 20 Aug 2010 11:00:59 +0000

Really smart kids have their issues too proving that everything that needs to be learned in high school isn’t just about good grades. Unfortunately, you don’t know that if you’re struggling to earn credits, but for teens that easily make the grade, the issue may be how they socialize. Yep! Good old-fashioned people skills.

It’s nice when people think the best of you. Your teen is smart and they’re pretty sure they’re gonna make it. People may know nothing of your teen other than they’re a sure bet to get the A, but there’s a lot of pressure that can come with this expectation. Just like any other identity concern, your teen may be so consumed with the expectations of others including you that it leaves no room for them to discover what they might like to do.

Being smart may also mean that your teen is the subject of their peer’s judgment. A smart kid doesn’t have fun, doesn’t know how to take a joke, isn’t cool. This can create a whole new level of social expectation for your smart teen, and this is to prove those peers wrong. This is of particular concern in senior year when a lot of the work of securing their undergraduate school is done. They may want to see what they have missed all these years and do some of the most atypical behavior that you ever thought you’d see in your teen.

Balance is key. Your teen must learn to avoid burying themselves so much in their studies that they forget the importance of just saying, “Hi.” They can’t forget they too have to connect with people and that people are more dimensional than the stories they read or the seemingly careless way they seem to enter more risky behavior than your teen has. Being smart is one part of excelling in this world, there are so many other parts that contribute to why smart people excel and many of them can be found in the other students that are not getting all As. So balance remains key. It’s great that your teen is academically gifted, but the basic elements of identity development, kindness and humility remain the root of even more success.

Hitting the Academic Wall

New Kid on the Block

teendoc — Thu, 19 Aug 2010 11:00:06 +0000

One of the hardest things your teen will do is move mid-high school. If your teen has a great network of friends and extracurricular involvement especially in their last year of high school, be prepared for a huge battle.

Starting high school or even middle school is a big deal in and of itself, but to do this in the middle of your teen’s high school career can take that feeling of not belonging to another level. There is no sense of the new school’s customs or language. Your teen will find themselves completely out of their element. If they have a good sense of who they are or simply care more about their academic performance than they do socializing, this may be a minor issue. However for most teens this is a big enough issue that they may propose things like remaining behind for the move.

What can happen if you do need to move and you have a teen that has a very strong connection to friends they are leaving behind is a huge rebellion: Running away, belligerence, family stress are only some of the things you may be in for. If your teen doesn’t live close enough to run away to old friend’s homes, you may get an absolute numbness from your teen manifest as school failure, substance use or eating disorders, which allow your teen to control some aspect of their lives when they feel they can’t control any aspect of their life.

Chances are that if you’re moving there is a very good reason: job, financial burden or improvement, family, etc. but still if at all possible consider the position you put your teen in and prepare them so they have plenty of time to say good-bye to friends and if possible work out a way they can complete their high school career with old friends. You might also consider sending them early to their new school so they can participate in end of the year or summer programs to meet some of the students. Even if you’re moving for your teen’s own good, it’s still important to include them in talks irrespective of their chance to change your mind. This type of consideration helps them feel in some control over their lives and makes it more difficult for them to blame you for their disappointment.

Hitting the Academic Wall