TheTeenDoc.com » Sexual Health

Relationship Patterns

teendoc — Mon, 14 May 2012 10:00:08 +0000

Why is it so hard for a long distance relationship to work? Patterns. The distance doesn’t allow your teen to see the patterns that teach them how to deal with that person.

Patterns or the occurrence of one person having a behavior and the other person learning what that behavior means can really only occur through constant and repeated contact with someone. Something happens and your teen tells them the comment hurt their feelings. If they care enough about the relationship then they try and remember not to react that way again. They learn the way your teen would like them to react when they do that. This is similar with you and your teen not just romantic relationships. You start to relearn who your child is as a teen. Your reaction to certain behaviors hopefully changes based on their feedback. This is something that can’t happen efficiently if you don’t have a good relationship with your teen; you have minimal interaction with your teen, or there is too much conflict to ever have any interaction as in the “silent treatment.”

Patterns are there to teach you how to parent your teen, but you have to be willing to endure the difficulty of the interaction so you can learn how to handle it better next time. In doing so, you teach your teen how to handle their future partner’s behavior when they start to interact more with you and the world around them through romantic and intimate relationships.

My Teen Is Dating Her Father

teendoc — Mon, 07 May 2012 10:01:27 +0000

Why is it so important to have an open dialogue with your teen about their sexual relationships?

Your teen will learn about their relationship with you through their relationship with their sexual or intimate partners. A teen will repeat elements of their negative parent relationship even without meaning to do this. When your teen dates they reveal their possible choices as a lifetime mate. Love is blind to the person in the relationship, but to their supportive group love has fewer blinders. This enables them to see patterns or similarities that may mimic the one they have with their less than supportive parent. It turns out this is the way we work out those parental relationships. This is how a teen ends up dating their father, mother or whoever their caretaker was.

If their father was supportive and a positive influence in their life this may not be such a bad thing, but if your teen’s parent was abusive, or somehow limited the emotional growth of your teen, then you might want to help them recognize these relationships before they become too serious and cause a lifetime of heartache.

Teen Romantic Relationship

teendoc — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 10:00:26 +0000

I am watching you! This is what your teen thinks to themselves as they go out and practice being an adult the way they think it should be done. They are armed with thoughts of how you are in your marriage and like some high heels that are too high to walk in when you’re only six they see if they can do it either like you can or try and do it better.

The problem is…

They don’t have much to work with. They don’t have as much brain power as you did when you first met your spouse or baby’s daddy or whoever and so they make the mistakes possibly more dramatically. If you aren’t someone who can be honest about the personal faults that went into selecting your mate you can’t help them rethink their decisions.

The other problem is…

Your partner is the role model for whom they will seek in a relationship. This can be a good thing sometimes and other times this can be a huge downer. If you’re honest about your relationship then you can gently offer insight that allows your teen to make better choices or at least challenge their choices in romantic partnerships.

They’ve been watching so you can preach that “do as I say not as I do” all day, but it all comes down to

What

You

Do.

I Want My Virginity Back!

teendoc — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 10:00:14 +0000

“I take it back!” This may work when your teen is trying to apologize, but it means nothing when you want a second chance at an experience or opportunity. You never get a second chance to make a first impression and you never get a second chance to choose to whom you lose your virginity.

There’re all kinds of businesses trying to convince you otherwise. They promise surgery to recreate an intact hymen, creams and even mental support (the best close option), but it all comes down to your teen just can’t do this over. As I have said before, your teen really shouldn’t want to either.

Why?

Experiences make the best teachers. Sure, all the advice you throw your teen’s way helps them navigate some very heavy situations, but nothing teaches you not to touch the fire like putting your hand in the fire and feeling that …ouch!

Getting your teen to use the shame or guilt involved with a situation to ask questions about their emotional or intellectual state of mind at the time can do a lot more to help them identify patterns that lead them to a decision. This is a great way to foster learning, nurture forgiveness for their younger self and create the prefect foundation to making a more mature decision next time. One, with fewer regrets.

For the record, you can’t do anything to make your teen a virgin again.

My Teen’s Dating Mr. Selfish

teendoc — Mon, 16 Apr 2012 10:00:32 +0000

Every time he needs a ride, he calls. Actually, every time he needs anything is the only time I hear from him.

Some people in your teen’s life are going to be takers. They’re like parasites that suck all the kindness your teen has to offer. Not only is this exhausting, but it doesn’t feel very good for your teen who is just tryin’ to be nice. There is a huge difference between being nice and being foolish. If your teen has noticed this behavior for themselves then gently challenge them on what they think they’re getting out of the relationship that makes them think they should be treated this way. Another way of asking this question is why do you love Mr. Selfish more than yourself? Why do you think he deserves more than you do?

Your teen will have a lifetime of relationships with other people. Recognizing patterns in those relationships is how your teen grows as a person and nurtures an inner circle that gives as much as it takes. Dating Mr. Selfish gives him way too much access to the inner circle than he deserves.

Did that make sense? If it did then give a shout out or holla back!

Your Teen’s Sexual Bravado

teendoc — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 10:00:21 +0000

I wouldn’t date someone who hit me! I wouldn’t date someone who was mean to me!

Your teen seems so confident and clear on the kind of person they want to be around, but when it comes right down to it, something doesn’t seem right. Why do they date so many people in such a short period of time? Why do they have these short relationships that never go anywhere? It’s almost like your teen dumps them before anything serious can happen.

Everyone has a fear of rejection. For some this rejection is so real they take on the role of wanting to be the master of rejection before the tables can be turned on them. So they start dating someone and when they get the slightest indication that something is wrong, they move on. As you can imagine, this is no way to develop intimacy or a connection with someone.

Your teen can’t find their real friends or lovers if they’re so concerned with being rejected that they take no emotional risk. So it’s great they won’t date someone who is abusive or mean, but sometimes real strength is in your teen’s ability to be vulnerable.

Hey, before you go leave a comment or check me out at the right side bar. There’s plenty to do there.

Men Are Dogs?

teendoc — Fri, 02 Mar 2012 11:00:05 +0000

Well dogs might be harsh, but not as smart as you are? Hmmmm…

Boys and girls are different. I don’t care how much you want to make things equal, they’re different. Thank goodness! Boys don’t really go to the doctor so if they have an STD or sexually transmitted disease for the most part they won’t know. They live longer when they have Moms, wives, girlfriends, sisters, and aunts in their lives. But girls, they not only go to the doctor, but for the most part they know what was said, they know what the disease was called they googled it and realized it’s common or not and they understand that it can or cannot be treated. So is a dude a dog or different?

Expectations are key. Don’t expect a guy to think these things are important when genetically they can wear underwear until there is a little string that goes around their waist and still deny there is reason to get new underwear. C’mon now !

Should Young Women Trust Young Men to Use Condoms and Male Birth Control?

Teen Dating Rules

teendoc — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:00:16 +0000

Yes, there are rules your teen should have for dating. And yes, this means your teen could be dating.

Rules give guidelines. They especially serve as guidelines when there’s no enforcer there. You know, like Dad with his shotgun. I kid of course. I’m not encouraging Dad to stand there daring some boy to put his hand on your daughter’s knee, but what I am encouraging you to do is discuss the rules of engagement and the premier thing to have in your mind when you do this is safety. Please don’t make rules on whether or not they’ll have sex, just stick with safety. You’re more likely to get your teen on board and be part of the discussion. This is even if it is met with a lot of “I knows.”

Protest and even cry if you want, but if you want grandkids one day, your teen is going to have to date. So blow your nose and let them know their rights. Here, I’ll start ya off. Always have a charged cell phone and at least $20.00 for a cab if for some reason you can’t call us for a ride home. Yes, I know that’s really three. You’re off to a great start!

If you would like more answers to questions like these you can check out Dr. Os e-book “Are You Serious? It’s Just Sex! “

Teen Bad Romance Habits

teendoc — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:00:03 +0000

I know he’s inconsiderate and selfish, but he’s so damn cute!

Bad dating habits start early. They are often based on what your teen learns to call familiar, or what they see a relationship looks like while growing up. They don’t even know they saw it some of the time and therein lay the problem. It’s that whole thing about being doomed to repeat history. The one weapon your teen has is insight, which unfortunately some adults don’t have so don’t be too disappointed if you get the sense your teen is oblivious to their own bad dating habits. These are still learning opportunities and one of the instigators of developing insight is the feeling your teen gets from the crash and burn of these relationships. They’re left feeling so bad at the end that picking themselves up seems, after so many times, seems well, avoidable.

Then, all of a sudden, “A-ha!” That’s the ticket you’ll hear exclaimed from the other room, text or phone. Yep! Next person I’m dating is based on how I deserve to be treated not just because their cute. Hey, it’s a start and a really good one.

Resource:

For some great tools on how to break bad habits you can check out the post on Frog n Prince.

Teen Sex

teendoc — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:00:55 +0000

Hear no evil then speak no evil kind of sex talk cross your mind?

I know you want your teen to get an education and become self-sufficient so they don’t depend on you their whole life, but not mentioning sex or avoiding streets with sexy bill boards isn’t going to stop your teen from their natural sexual desire. Parents have been trying to stop this for years by banning dating and putting those little mitts on their baby’s hands so they wouldn’t touch themselves, but still they grow up, have relationships and you get grandchildren. Avoidance is no way to get your teen through high school without anyone touching them or them touching themselves.

If you want to get them to college then talk about the good and the bad around their sexual development. If you aren’t sure how to do this but want your teen to have the information they need ask for help because if you think curiosity killed the cat imagine what curiosity about sex can do when you have really bad information about it.

If you would like more answers to questions like these you can check out Dr. Os e-book “Are You Serious? It’s Just Sex! “