TheTeenDoc.com » Sexual Health

Teen Dating Rules

teendoc — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:00:16 +0000

Yes, there are rules your teen should have for dating. And yes, this means your teen could be dating.

Rules give guidelines. They especially serve as guidelines when there’s no enforcer there. You know, like Dad with his shotgun. I kid of course. I’m not encouraging Dad to stand there daring some boy to put his hand on your daughter’s knee, but what I am encouraging you to do is discuss the rules of engagement and the premier thing to have in your mind when you do this is safety. Please don’t make rules on whether or not they’ll have sex, just stick with safety. You’re more likely to get your teen on board and be part of the discussion. This is even if it is met with a lot of “I knows.”

Protest and even cry if you want, but if you want grandkids one day, your teen is going to have to date. So blow your nose and let them know their rights. Here, I’ll start ya off. Always have a charged cell phone and at least $20.00 for a cab if for some reason you can’t call us for a ride home. Yes, I know that’s really three. You’re off to a great start!

Teen Bad Romance Habits

teendoc — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 11:00:03 +0000

I know he’s inconsiderate and selfish, but he’s so damn cute!

Bad dating habits start early. They are often based on what your teen learns to call familiar, or what they see a relationship looks like while growing up. They don’t even know they saw it some of the time and therein lay the problem. It’s that whole thing about being doomed to repeat history. The one weapon your teen has is insight, which unfortunately some adults don’t have so don’t be too disappointed if you get the sense your teen is oblivious to their own bad dating habits. These are still learning opportunities and one of the instigators of developing insight is the feeling your teen gets from the crash and burn of these relationships. They’re left feeling so bad at the end that picking themselves up seems, after so many times, seems well, avoidable.

Then, all of a sudden, “A-ha!” That’s the ticket you’ll hear exclaimed from the other room, text or phone. Yep! Next person I’m dating is based on how I deserve to be treated not just because their cute. Hey, it’s a start and a really good one.

Resource:

For some great tools on how to break bad habits you can check out the post on Frog n Prince.

Teen Sex

teendoc — Thu, 26 Jan 2012 11:00:55 +0000

Hear no evil then speak no evil kind of sex talk cross your mind?

I know you want your teen to get an education and become self-sufficient so they don’t depend on you their whole life, but not mentioning sex or avoiding streets with sexy bill boards isn’t going to stop your teen from their natural sexual desire. Parents have been trying to stop this for years by banning dating and putting those little mitts on their baby’s hands so they wouldn’t touch themselves, but still they grow up, have relationships and you get grandchildren. Avoidance is no way to get your teen through high school without anyone touching them or them touching themselves.

If you want to get them to college then talk about the good and the bad around their sexual development. If you aren’t sure how to do this but want your teen to have the information they need ask for help because if you think curiosity killed the cat imagine what curiosity about sex can do when you have really bad information about it.

Teens Shouldn’t Have Sex

teendoc — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 11:00:56 +0000

What if you can’t do the sex talk? What if you won’t do the sex talk because you have a complete block when it comes to teens and their sexuality? Who does the sex talk then?

If you know you have a moral code that prevents you from giving an unbiased sex talk to your teen then the best thing you can do is get someone else to do it. Do your teen and their future lovers a favor and bow out gracefully. It would appear that worse than not giving them information is giving them bad information and complicating that with a sense of doom and gloom surrounding their sexuality. No one needs this type of sexual self-esteem. If you really are opposed to teens and sex then say nothing and tell your teen why; not that they haven’t figured this out already.

The sex talk is a big responsibility because it lays the foundation for their sexual self-esteem and this can slowly melt together to become confidence or self-consciousness. Whether you think teens should be having sex or not the last thing you should want is raising a teen to think that their body and what it can do are associated with bad things. That’ll make for an interesting sex life.

Gay Teen Sex Talk

teendoc — Mon, 16 Jan 2012 11:00:27 +0000

A Gay Teen Sex Talk? Yeah, it’s the same, but different and the key thing to know is…where it’s the same.

When you figure out, or your teen tells you that they’re gay, there may be some concern about the way you’re supposed to deliver the good ole sex talk. Maybe you didn’t think of this because you weren’t really planning on a straight sex talk either, but let me get your juices flowing on either talk especially where they’re the same.

They’re the same when it comes to falling in love with someone or trying to make the first experience one that isn’t built on a foundation of fantasy and Mr or Ms “Right,” but one where they can feel safe. Safety can refer to emotional safety or how much they can feel vulnerable with the other person, or physical safety. You should know that many prevention strategies are the same in terms of sexually transmitted diseases whether that’s via condoms or vaccines. The huge difference though is where I want you to check in with yourself.

The huge difference which can be mimicked in the straight sex talk if you are morally opposed to that too, is that you convey whether intentionally or not your personal negative feelings about the relationship. This is the foundation that you build this gay teen sex talk. If you can empathize with the emotional connection that both straight and gay teens are aiming for, this should be a piece of cake! Certainly easier than the heart break involved with either of these relationships.

Got Books on Puberty?

teendoc — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:00:16 +0000

You notice your teen girl won’t catch a ball anymore and it seems like your son has started wetting the bed. You start looking for your 1970s version of Our Bodies Ourselves. Umm…things have changed a bit including that book.

There are so many books that are written to help teens navigate the mysterious world of puberty. Seriously, this is a big deal because the morphing that occurs through puberty isn’t always elegant and you never know what you’re going to end up with. Books in the home before something changes are a great way to have your teen have their curiosity quenched while helping them formulate a question or conversation with you. Special things to look for are pictures, small paragraphs and simple sentences and if they incorporate questions asked or answered by teens even better. You want to normalize their curiosity and the unique way they’re going through puberty.

Whether it’s your son that thinks he’s too small or your daughter who thinks she’s too big, books are a great way to support your conversation with your teen about growing up. I said support not replace!

Thinkin’ About Birth Control?

teendoc — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 11:00:38 +0000

You can’t burst into the room and blurt out, “What do you know about birth control? You don’t need it anyway and finish your H.W.!” Yep, I think another tactic is in order.

Parents often struggle with the thought of bringing up the “sex talk” or anything related with sex or babies or sexuality…you get my point. You’re watching two people kiss on the T.V. and you’re squirming more than they are. Really? The talk is a series of talks throughout their lives and if you’re really good you have a talk buddy for life. This is whether you want it or not. Just know, parents tend to be a good 6 months to 2 years behind their teen in terms of what they’re ready for so be a little more direct if you can handle it. Better, start when they show signs of wanting to know and go from there. Don’t assume more than they’re saying and don’t underestimate them either. What a balance?!

It used to be you had some control over when they sleep or eat or who their friends were, but this dance has one lead and it’s them. So get a refresher course on birth control, etc and start talkin’ because things like birth control and the way we manage diseases has changed and you don’t want to ruin your street cred because of a bad google search.

Is My Daughter A Virgin?

teendoc — Thu, 05 Jan 2012 11:00:51 +0000

There is no exam for this. There is no real way for anyone to prove someone is or is not a virgin.

Despite this truth I am asked to do this exam a lot. More than you would think. More than I would think and when I ask parents, well did you ask your daughter? And what did she say? They say what the answer was and they don’t believe their teen. They found something or saw something or suspect something. The bottom line is I know immediately there is poor communication and whether this teen did something or not, they should not tell this parent. Yep! Ya heard me right. Don’t tell. It’s true life could be made worse by lying, but some parents have no ability to see gray. As in, yes you saw the text, but they didn’t do anything besides kiss them. This is too much to plant in this parents head and it can be blown out of proportion by the parent! I don’t think your teen should go crazy proving your theories right, but these misdemeanors that are normal teen behavior should just be kept to themselves and a trusted adult.

What an invasive thing to ask a clinician to do like check for a hymen or whether your daughter is sexually active. You want to know the answer…the real truth then you’re gonna have to work for it by forging a relationship with your teen. You’re going to have to stop accusing and suspecting and try giving your teen the benefit of the doubt and trusting what they say. Without that, they’re not gonna tell ya when they fart and left a room how much more if they’re sexually active.

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You Put Your What Where?

teendoc — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 11:00:07 +0000

I talk about keeping the lines of communication open with your teen, but if you do a really good job beware of how much your teen might want to share.

Whoa Nelly! You don’t have to tell me every twist and turn with the girl. Lord have mercy! “But Ma, You’re the only person I can really talk to about this.” Even if you’re a little bit annoyed, I hope you have a smile on your face. This should be your worst problem with your teen. Do you understand how comfortable a teen must feel with their parent to speak with them about the sexual encounters? To run it by you so they get what they feel are the facts. As uncomfortable as you may feel at times, I want you to step back and realize what this means. This means your teen has made this more than locker room talk; they have respected the privacy of the person they were with since the chances of you blabbing are nil. They realize how little their friends really know about relationships how much more sex and they want true understanding. In other words, your teen made a mature choice when they decided to speak to you instead of just anybody.

Reward them for that by listening. Set some limits if you have to, but listen. What an honor that has been bestowed upon you.

Done The Sex Talk Yet?

Sugar and Spice vs. Puppy Dog Tails?

teendoc — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 11:00:20 +0000

If you have a son and a daughter, you may wonder if you should, or even if you unknowingly coddle your daughter more than your son. You let your son sow his oats and polish your daughter’s chastity belt. Hmmm…that doesn’t seem fair.

If you’re the daughter it doesn’t seem fair at all. It also sends a strange message to your daughter since your son is sowing his oats with someone’s daughter. It ends up being okay to treat someone poorly as long as it’s not your daughter. You’re also saying as long as your daughter doesn’t date the kind of guy your son is -all is well, but what does that really say about behavior that is okay for your son? It’s easier if you set rules based on maturity and a high expectation. This way both your son and daughter understand what is expected of them and what you expect of the people who date them. Remember their first role model for this is you. So any standard you try to uphold must first come from the relationship you have with their other parent. Teens are big on credibility so if you lose yours because of some “do as I say and not as I do” talk well, you can’t expect them to trust what you have to say.

Whether you have a son or a daughter, people deserve to be treated with respect and love. Let them know this is the only thing you’re looking for in each of their relationships with themselves and others.

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