You can’t burst into the room and blurt out, “What do you know about birth control? You don’t need it anyway and finish your H.W.!” Yep, I think another tactic is in order.

Parents often struggle with the thought of bringing up the “sex talk” or anything related with sex or babies or sexuality…you get my point. You’re watching two people kiss on the T.V. and you’re squirming more than they are. Really? The talk is a series of talks throughout their lives and if you’re really good you have a talk buddy for life. This is whether you want it or not. Just know, parents tend to be a good 6 months to 2 years behind their teen in terms of what they’re ready for so be a little more direct if you can handle it. Better, start when they show signs of wanting to know and go from there. Don’t assume more than they’re saying and don’t underestimate them either. What a balance?!

It used to be you had some control over when they sleep or eat or who their friends were, but this dance has one lead and it’s them. So get a refresher course on birth control, etc and start talkin’ because things like birth control and the way we manage diseases has changed and you don’t want to ruin your street cred because of a bad google search.

If you would like more answers to questions like these you can check out Dr. Os e-book “Are You Serious? It’s Just Sex! ”

Related posts:

1. Should Young Women Trust Young Men to Use Condoms and Male Birth Control?
2. Who Makes The Decision About Birth Control?
3. Think You’re in Control?

At some point, your teen is going to show interest in dating even with rules like, “you can’t date” the natural process of going from teen to adult is going to affect your teen in some way.  Some teens may only fantasize about the kind of person they would want to marry while others need a physical connection to someone they are interested in.  Remember this is the way they “practice” seeking who will eventually be their mate. 

It is much easier to learn with someone like your parents or other adult to guide you especially your same-sex parent.  But when teens are punished for the most innocent of behaviors like hanging out in a co-ed group, they get smart and either go underground or hide their relationships.  Now their experiences are guided by other teens, internet or other sources they can get their hands on.  This creates opportunities for unhealthy relationships:

1. Abuse.  Sexual, physical and verbal abuse is much easier when the partner isolates your teen from family.  In fact this is the process by which they begin the abuse.  It is easier for their partner to abuse them when your teen can’t come to you with concerns with the relationship because dating is not allowed.

2. Early sexual intercourse. Their first sexual experiences can be premature because they feel more connected to this person “who understands them” versus their parents and so they confuse that connection with love.

3. Depression.  Depression is the leading cause of suicide.  When teens can’t discuss their relationship with you and they hide the relationship, you lose the opportunity to associate their behavior with their life’s events.  Teens can be desperate and act impetuously and this can lead to feelings of isolation that can cause suicidal thoughts.

Parents need to create an opportunity for teens to keep these relationships out in the open.  This way you are in a position to hear how their partner speaks to them, see them after a date when they may be bruised or crying, meet this person and their family so you have a sense of what kind of person they are. 

Information from your teen’s open relationship also helps you get an idea of what kind of person your teen is attracted to and if there is any need for concern about their choices. 

1. Trust. It gives you an opportunity to trust them if their decisions seem very good.

2. Prepare. Anticipate they may become sexually active and get them on birth control. 

3. Discuss. You can have a discussion about the risks to their feelings and risks of behaviors when involved in a sexual relationship.

4. Safe. You can help them take care of themselves if they do become sexually active by keeping them healthy and safe by getting screened for sexually transmitted diseases and buying condoms.

This process is part of becoming an adult, it doesn’t stop because you forbid your teen to date.  Be part of the process and help them practice.

Related posts:

1. 4 Reasons Your Teen Is Lying?
2. When Should I Let My Teen Date?
3. 5 Reasons Teens need Friends

It will most likely be presented as it usually is, a pro-choice vs. pro-life debate. President Obama while giving a commencement speech at Notre Dame, a Catholic institution of higher learning proposed that there must be some common ground for which these two passionate sides can come together to address this issue. At least, make some progress.

As a clinician who sees teens, I see this dilemma within the context of those whose voice is not heard. They have no right to vote and many of them are thankful that those who did gave them confidentiality, which allows access to confidential care without approval from a guardian or parent. Because I do preventive health, I am in the position to talk about how we prevent the dilemma of this choice, keep vs. abort. How do we give the option of prevention before the consequence of pregnancy that should be one of happiness and not worry and stress? Abstinence is surely one of those ways, but birth control is a way to catch those who have made the decision to become sexually active.

Birth Control has taken on a different meaning than “the pill” that became very popular in the sixties and seventies. Today’s teens and young adults have a variety of choices that can help them prevent pregnancy with almost 100% guarantee since these methods are efficient despite human error. The pill, which must be remembered daily; the patch that must be remembered weekly; the ring that must be remembered monthly and the shot which must be remembered every three months are all wonderful forms of birth control, but they require that teens remember. Implanon, which lasts three years, replaced the norplant and has revolutionized the options that we can provide teens in the way of confidential, reliable and easily reversible methods of birth control. Only the intrauterine device (I.U.D.) trumps implanon with either five or ten years of confidential, reliable and easily reversible birth control. These methods serve to get teens out of their youth and young adulthood well on the way to better opportunities that hopefully prevent the “accidents” of ignorance and youth. There will always be the exceptional case of rape and incest, but even with these vile methods of conception long term methods leave the “victim” safe from pregnancy.

It is time for change and we have seen the seeds of change planted for the past several months. It is time we made this one more area we can hope to see a change in America. It is time we asked that the abortion issue stand up for teens and in doing so stand up for all women instead of falling short of their needs to prevent the dilemma of having to make the choice.

Related posts:

1. The 4.0 Student Said What?
2. Reforming Healthcare For Teens
3. The Interesting Way Teens Think

Since I would not recommend vasectomy for teen males, this leaves the condom. It is tried and true and it does well enough in terms of protecting against sexually transmitted disease. And let’s face it, when used correctly it is effective immediately as it is needed with no side effects. Science is trying to trump these stats.

For several reasons it is a challenge to get girls to start and continue birth control and this is when they choose to seek the medical care to obtain it. For all the talk of equal rights in terms of pregnancy prevention, teen boys have not yet caught up to their female counterparts in terms of going to the doctor to get tested for STDs or other forms of medical care (i.e. testicular or prostate cancer). I sit in wonderment of the likelihood of them remembering to take birth control that may require daily, weekly or monthly maintenance.

The US has one of the highest unwanted pregnancy rates in the entire world. Almost a million of the unwanted pregnancies that occur in the US yearly belong to young women who are between the ages of fifteen and nineteen years. This is the time that the teen brain transitions from concrete thinker to abstract thinker or unaware of future consequences from current behavior and well aware of future consequences form current behavior. The debate of whether this too should be equal is a fair one, but is this the playing field that we should be trying to make equal or are our efforts better placed elsewhere?

Related posts:

1. Thinkin’ About Birth Control?
2. Who Makes The Decision About Birth Control?
3. Think You’re in Control?