TheTeenDoc.com » Teen General Development

Your Teen’s Developing Value System

teendoc — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 11:00:13 +0000

How do you get your teen to stick to a decision based on their value system? You let them stick to the decision of having that value system.

“I don’t believe in taking medication.” This was her value system. She has horrible allergies and you can count the number of visits to the doctor, hours missed from school and the excuses the parents needed to leave work to get her from school on the hands and feet of all family members. She didn’t believe in taking medication so she suffered during allergy season, but there was no consequence to her decision so she never needed to reevaluate the decision or the belief. I offered, “Maybe you shouldn’t pick her up or cave in to the issues that ensue because of her values?”

She takes her allergy medicine now. She couldn’t concentrate or sleep with the chronic sinus headache. All she needed was a reason to re-evaluate her decision. Her value system. No one said she couldn’t have it, but it wasn’t working for her or her family. It made sense to her to re-evaluate it.

Experience: A Teen’s Mentor

teendoc — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 11:00:37 +0000

Who’s the best teacher? Mom? Dad? A teacher or coach? Sure, to some degree they’re all great teachers, but hands down there’s nothing like experience.

They say experience is the best teacher and that’s for a reason…many teens aren’t going to listen to an authority figure. Yes, they’re a little more open when there’re serious consequences or you’re an established expert A.K.A someone they trust, but if you think about it, when you were a teen did you learn because someone told you it would be the death of you or because you tried it and darn if they weren’t right you really can get pregnant the first time you have sex! I remind you of this not to say, you shouldn’t say anything to your teen, but because I don’t want you to get frustrated when it seems like they’re not listening to you or rolling their eyes saying “whatever MOM!” You have to let them have their process too. Not everyone learns the same way. Some are more short yellow bus people and some people are so cool they get a ride from the friend who has not just a car, but a sports car. What’re ya gonna do? This is why patience is so important.

Help your teen learn life’s lessons, but not by helping them avoid them, but by understanding this is their way of learning them. This way when they learn the lesson it’s less of an I told ya so and more of a tell me what ya learned from that one?

Teen Socializing

teendoc — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 11:00:11 +0000

There’s a heavy price for tryin’ to be Joe or Jane Popular. It frequently hits the most in a transition year. Ya know, starting middle school or high school or even college. Why, you ask…

Why, because it’s really hard to walk into a new situation and know no one. The desire to fit in and have a group of people called friends can break the best of us, but this is especially true when your teen is still developing a sense of who they are and they don’t have the confidence to sit at the lunch table or hang out on recess field on their own. This takes more than courage. It takes confidence. This is something your teen may not be so full of when they feel awkward and different most of the time. If they decide to let their academic work slide to be in the know during a rumor or get invited to that party then the only thing that will pull them back is their plummeting self-esteem as they add poor student to their list of adjectives that describe themselves. When this doesn’t sit well, your teen will dig up the courage to become who they are rather than whom everyone else wants them to be.

Teens are social beings. They learn and thrive by their connections to others. Understanding the balance of being social with everything else with which they need to excel is an art that only your teen can discover for themselves. Sure, you can add a threat or two for incentive, but ultimately it’s their show.

School isn’t for Socializing?

The Teen Posse’s Character

teendoc — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 11:00:24 +0000

Who ya wit? They say if you’re the smartest person in the room then you need a new room of folks.

Maybe it’s not true one hundred per cent of the time, but most of the time when you want to know someone’s character a good bet is getting to know who they hang around. It’s hard not to have the bad habits (or the good habits) of others rub off on your teen. This is true even if your teen isn’t that kind of person in their heart. This is probably why it’s so easy to ruin a politician by showing a picture of them hangin’ out with a less than honest supporter. Your teen likewise is held to the same standard based on who they associate with.

You can tell me all day you didn’t smoke that joint because you smell like the joint your friend was smokin’ I may believe you, but the cops, the school official who found the weed in your back pack well, that’s another story.

Your Teen Got Character?

Insecure Teen?

teendoc — Tue, 24 Jan 2012 11:00:04 +0000

Whether your teen tells you or not, they have a lot of insecurities. A lot. And to be honest, why shouldn’t they.

Teens have tons of questions in their head about tons of things. They don’t always feel like they can ask or should ask you all of their questions, but whether or not they think to ask these questions, all of the questions are a set up for one insecure teen. Yes, it’s normal and doesn’t necessarily mean your teen has self-esteem issues, but it can make them a bit on edge. What am I going to do with my life? What is my contribution to society? What am I going to major in IF I get in to college and will it be a place I like? On and on and on…by the time you add questions about relationships, their body image, sex, depression, their family life well you have a walking ball of nerves.

Not all teens wear their anxiety about their future on their sleeve and some hide it so well you’d think nothing is going through that head of theirs, but trust me they have some questions about it. Be patient and try not to give them the third degree on things that sometimes take a lifetime to figure out. After all, did you know these answers when you were a teen? Alright then.

No related posts.

Teen Parent Fine Print

teendoc — Thu, 19 Jan 2012 11:00:38 +0000

You didn’t realize this, but you signed a contract when you decided to have your teen all those years ago. Just in case you missed it because you were so blissfully happy they were born healthy and smelled of baby smell, I have cut and paste it here for you to read carefully now that there isn’t a watermelon coming through your vagina. And so you dont have to get your glasses, I enlarged the print.

“All births are final with no ability to submit request for extended warrantee on baby that grows up to be a defiant teen. Offer may be subject to terms and conditions of the genetic background and environment the baby is exposed to. There is limited time to expose the baby to new and outstanding things before they will no longer seem to be listening to most of what you say. Developing teen will find you annoying at times and irritating at others. You are not to become distracted by this given your parent wrote this into your baby contract when you were acting out much to their dismay at nine years old! (What goes around comes around) Teen may intermittently want you to treat them like a grown up with a fully developed brain while asking you to tuck them in at night or let them sleep with you because they saw a scary movie. Your teen at some point will be in a room with people who are drunk or stoned and understand that it does not mean your teen is drunk or stoned. Someone will want to put their hand up their shirt or down their pants and although you will be morally opposed to this you will sanction it along with poking holes in condoms and diaphragms when YOU are ready to be a grandparent. By accepting this child you accept the terms and conditions of this fine print not to truly understand its terms or conditions until your baby ah-hem teen has left the house and is on their own and you know that despite all the ups and downs they made it to adulthood. There is no expiration date on this fine print as you will find that no matter how old your teen becomes when they’re with you they’re almost always still your baby and seem to fall into that role whether they come visit you with their family or for a short visit from college. Whew!”

Enjoy your teen!

Your Teen Needs Help

teendoc — Tue, 17 Jan 2012 11:00:20 +0000

Help?!!!! Unless your teen has a large building crushing their body, you may never really hear these words.

I’m not talking about a whiny teen who is nagging for you to do what they should be doing. I’m talking about the teen who doesn’t want to ask for help for fear it makes them look weak. Asking for help can not only be a sign of their weakness where you’re concerned, but it can also be an opportunity to be rejected. What if they ask for help and trust someone enough to depend on them and that person doesn’t come through for them? What if that person drops the ball? The lesson is don’t trust anyone and do it yourself. Getting a request of help from this teen will be almost impossible in the future.

Experiences shape who we become as adults and this is obviously no different for your teen. If you constantly remind your teen that you’re there to help and in their time of need don’t or can’t follow through on your offer, the lesson although not intended is clear-trust no one. It can take a lifetime to reverse this type of disappointment. When you say you will be there, be there.

No related posts.

Got Books on Puberty?

teendoc — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 11:00:16 +0000

You notice your teen girl won’t catch a ball anymore and it seems like your son has started wetting the bed. You start looking for your 1970s version of Our Bodies Ourselves. Umm…things have changed a bit including that book.

There are so many books that are written to help teens navigate the mysterious world of puberty. Seriously, this is a big deal because the morphing that occurs through puberty isn’t always elegant and you never know what you’re going to end up with. Books in the home before something changes are a great way to have your teen have their curiosity quenched while helping them formulate a question or conversation with you. Special things to look for are pictures, small paragraphs and simple sentences and if they incorporate questions asked or answered by teens even better. You want to normalize their curiosity and the unique way they’re going through puberty.

Whether it’s your son that thinks he’s too small or your daughter who thinks she’s too big, books are a great way to support your conversation with your teen about growing up. I said support not replace!

A True Decider

teendoc — Thu, 12 Jan 2012 11:00:19 +0000

Few teens know exactly what they want at this stage in the game called life, but that’s no reason to shirk their responsibilities as a “Decider.”

Making decisions and owning them is what sets the people who let life happen to them apart from those who actually decide to dodge the bullets and survive. Sometimes these decisions are as simple as what your teen wants for dessert and other times they can be more weighted as in this life partner doesn’t make me happy, I’m going to have to make a decision. No one is saying that your teen can dodge all the bullets because they have decided after all, the best plans seem doomed to the influence of real life complications, but what deciding does is have your teen own their desire and then seize opportunity that reflects that desire.

Without a sense of what they want their life to look like, without a decision about what their life might look like, they end up with something that was an undecsion, something that was left over. Hmmm, I guess that can be a happy place, but only if you decide to make it so.

Burnin’ Bridges

teendoc — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 11:00:32 +0000

The last interaction you had with someone was absolutely horrible. What’s the first thing you say the next time you see them?

For many teens they act like nothing happened, this may especially be the case for boys who feel the past is the past move on already! It’s just that behaviors tend to repeat themselves and this makes it hard to have good faith and trust in any relationship, how much more the person who can’t acknowledge their behavior at the last interaction by apologizing or admitting their wrong doing. How you leave a relationship or end a meeting is a calling card and without being aware of how your teen’s behavior affects others well, the calling card can burn a bridge. It can also ruin other opportunities with potential employers, friends or dates. Stuff gets around.

Remind your teen that how you leave a situation determines a great deal of how you can come back if you need to. Because sometimes life works out in odd ways just ask the chauffer who mercilessly tormented Chris Rock in high school and then ended up having him as a client. Yep! Be mindful of how you leave a situation, ya never know.