TheTeenDoc.com » Teen General Development

Your Teen’s Sexual Bravado

teendoc — Mon, 09 Apr 2012 10:00:21 +0000

I wouldn’t date someone who hit me! I wouldn’t date someone who was mean to me!

Your teen seems so confident and clear on the kind of person they want to be around, but when it comes right down to it, something doesn’t seem right. Why do they date so many people in such a short period of time? Why do they have these short relationships that never go anywhere? It’s almost like your teen dumps them before anything serious can happen.

Everyone has a fear of rejection. For some this rejection is so real they take on the role of wanting to be the master of rejection before the tables can be turned on them. So they start dating someone and when they get the slightest indication that something is wrong, they move on. As you can imagine, this is no way to develop intimacy or a connection with someone.

Your teen can’t find their real friends or lovers if they’re so concerned with being rejected that they take no emotional risk. So it’s great they won’t date someone who is abusive or mean, but sometimes real strength is in your teen’s ability to be vulnerable.

Hey, before you go leave a comment or check me out at the right side bar. There’s plenty to do there.

The Happy Teen Loner

teendoc — Fri, 06 Apr 2012 10:00:06 +0000

“Suddenly the bullying just stopped when I got to high school. I don’t know what happened.”

Frequently what stops for your teen is their sense of powerlessness. Your teen discovers something about themselves that allows them to walk more confidently and this is what changes for the bully and they move on. If your teen can actually realize what happened then there’s a great lesson to be learned about discovering how they present themselves to others. It can be the first step in correcting what could have been a lifetime of obsequious behavior to lovers, spouses, friends, bosses, etc.

Sometimes your teen can actually be the change they wish to see in the world. The ripple effect isn’t always worldwide, but to even affect the small community of their everyday school life is life changing enough to have a school day of peace.

So What’s Normal For Your Teen?

teendoc — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 10:00:17 +0000

Oh, don’t disturb her. She’s passed out and there’s no telling what she might be like if you wake her.

There is no sense of urgency or worry in this teen’s voice. Her friend on the other hand is horrified that her friend’s Mom is draped over the couch seemingly unconscious and barely breathing, but it’s just another day in the life for this teen.

Part of having friends is realizing what is normal for them may not be normal for you. This begins a long learning process of discovering not just that people think differently than your teen, which can encourage empathy, but it’s also how your teen starts to realize why people think differently.

No related posts.

Is Your Teen Running Away OR TOWARDS Something?

teendoc — Wed, 04 Apr 2012 10:00:00 +0000

Let’s say that for whatever reason your teen looks forward to leaving your household one day, their focus is on getting OUT whichever way they can.

My hope is that they focus less on running away from you and take the time to plan what they want to run towards. Where they’re going is important otherwise it’s like running out of a burning building with hands waving in the air. They don’t realize they have no clothes on until the cold temperature grabs their chest by the neck. This type of escape is reckless and unorganized and causes more complications even though there is the temporary relief of being out of immediate danger.

Help your teen plan the escape so they can know they’re leaving to run towards something rather than just getting the h*ll out of your house.

No related posts.

Your Teen’s OWN Discipline

teendoc — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 10:00:00 +0000

“I know I’m overweight, but I really like food.”

This is what discipline is about. Sure, it can go too far and then we call it obsession, but this thing called discipline, the ability to do something that exhibits self-control in order to accomplish a goal is what your teen has to find for themselves in order to accomplish anything. All your nagging isn’t going to instill the discipline necessary to shut off the video games and study, or even decide that it’s better to think about a summer internship than sitting on the couch a few feet from the fridge this summer.

The end is almost always a result of the hard work or self-control your teen must realize for themselves. Until that point they’re just following your rules and when your rules are gone well, so is the commitment.

Teen Parent Guide

teendoc — Fri, 30 Mar 2012 10:00:43 +0000

Do you remember walking with your teen when they were a toddler? Did you walk in front or behind so you could watch how they were walkin’?

As the parent of a teen it’s important to walk a couple steps behind. You want to know what’s coming and prepare yourself and them for that change emotionally and mentally, but as far as parenting goes you want to guide them by watching which way they walk and then following them.

Why?

You want them to show you how to parent them. Parenting is a great skill, but it is appreciated more when it appears to be a true rock of support. You have no idea who your teen will be or what they will end up doing. You have an inkling of their personality from all the years you’ve known them, but you don’t know how that will all fit together. Although they’re confused about this too, they have a better idea than you do. This is why parenting two steps behind them allows you a bird’s eye view of where their steps are headed. It allows you to offer support when you recognize some elements of the path and ideas that are consistent with what you think that path might be. At the very least, it allows you to limit conflict while your teen figures it out and singles you out as a sounding board.

Just like the cheers theme song goes making your way in the world today takes everything g you’ve got. Don’t blindside your teen with rules that demonstrate you have no idea of what they might be concocting in their head. Just ask Bill Gates who left Yale because the guys needed him at this startup company he was a part of called Microsoft.

Building A Belief System

teendoc — Wed, 28 Mar 2012 10:00:00 +0000

It’s easy to say you believe in something. It’s much harder to defend your belief in that thing.

This is especially true when you’re just trying to figure out all the rest of what’s going on with the teen thing. For example, have you ever run into someone you knew in high school and after catching up asked, “wow, I thought you said you’d never…” It’s sort of what happened to the free-thinkers of the 60s that became the corporate greed of the 80s. Things change and people change with them or they’re left behind. This makes sense when you have responsibilities like a family to feed, but building a belief system might not make sense if your teen has to sit at the lunch table alone; feel like they have no friends which brings on a sadness that evolves into depression. It can feel like the desire to do well in school shouldn’t be a belief your teen has to defend so hard they’re all alone, but when they sit at that table alone they are.

Belief systems start in the oddest ways for your teen. Your teen making the decision to study hard instead of be popular is a perfect example of how following your own path is crucial to building a strong belief system.

Your Teen’s Expectations

teendoc — Fri, 23 Mar 2012 10:00:11 +0000

There are expectations that your teen thinks they’re supposed to meet. They should do this or they should look like that. It can be overwhelming at times.

The expectation of what they think they’re supposed to do when they start to develop who they are is what others think of them. Your teen’s sense of self begins by their best guess about what others think of them and what others think they should do. They do this so they can be accepted. This acceptance gives them value. If your teen never grows out of that outside acceptance being more important in their process of acceptance, life is a bit more stressful.

What your teen is supposed to do is follow their own heart and learn how to accept themselves for who they are in their own very unique way. Now that, takes a lot of patience.

The Teen Struggle For Independence

teendoc — Tue, 20 Mar 2012 10:00:52 +0000

It can feel like you argue over which way the wind is blowing when it comes to your teen. According to them, you don’t know that either.

Why must teens fight so hard, so often and so intensely?

Why wouldn’t they?

Wouldn’t you if you were that curious about what life would be like if you ruled your world. Ironically this is what you’re trying to teach them –to be the ruler of their world. Researchers have seen this in the work place. The more independent one is at work, the happier they are.

Independence especially when your teen isn’t afraid of it is the right to go left and then suddenly change their mind to go right. The right to have a bowl of cereal for dinner instead of a meal that takes an hour to prepare and it’s the right to tell you that they’re figuring out their own value system and they’d really like a chance to use it.

Independence Day, or age 18 in America

Did It Make Your Teen Happy?

teendoc — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 11:00:45 +0000

You can try and please some of the people some of the time, but you’ll never please all of the people all of the time…even when that person is your parent.

There is a belief that just because someone is family or you make them family through marriage that they love you unconditionally. I wish this were true, but there are so many holes in this theory. One of the first times your teen will figure this out is when they disappoint you. It’s not that you don’t love them, but you’ll have this unintentional look of disappointment? Judgment? Or, you’ll do this thing some parents actually do where you won’t talk to your teen. Whoaaaa! Who’s the adult here?

At some point your teen is going to have to follow their own path. They’re going to have to start listening to their inner voice that allows them to answer questions like what they want to do with their life, who they fall in love with, and when they fall out of love with that person. If their first priority is to please you instead of themselves, they’re going to get the answers to these questions all wrong.