Does Your Teen Hate School?
Has your teen ever told you they hate school? Really hate school. They don’t want to be there. They aren’t going anymore. Well, read Quentin Tarantino give his recollection of that time and how he sees it now, as an adult.
Mr. TARANTINO: This (referring to his Mom saying he could quit school) is great because I hated school. I hate school at that time. Now, little did I know that actually if I had stayed in school I would’ve actually really like college. I wasn’t aware enough to know that the junior high I was suffering through would be school at its worst.
(Soundbite of laughter)
Mr. TARANTINO: I didn’t – I figured that it was just more the same. No, college would not be the same as junior high. I actually would’ve had a good time in college.
Interview with Terry Gross on NPR’s Fresh Air
What is so striking about this story is the contrast of the brain of a middle high school student (usually age 13-14y) and the brain of the adult, the mature brain. If he could have waited, he would have discovered that things got better. You must remember the immaturity of the teen brain with whom you are reasoning. Teens understand this moment and this moment is the worst time of their life that will go on forever.
If you can put your adult brain in this teen brain predicament for a moment; If you take the worst moment of your life and think that you will be there for the rest of your life, you can begin to imagine how you might not want to go on enduring the pain.
This is part of the impulsiveness of suicide attempts, sudden acts of violence and risk taking, teens simply do not think past this moment or it’s consequences. Their sadness, disappointment and failures make them ache to the point of hopelessness and sudden action.
What can you do?
As an adult, you may know that things get better, but you can never underestimate the inability of your teen to realize the potential of their future. There is hope. They need you for this. Empathize with their pain no matter how menial or little it seems to you and use the expressions: “I understand how that could be overwhelming.” “I want you to take one small step and then another” “try it for one week, or better a day” “You are stronger than you think and you don’t know that about yourself yet, but I do. Please trust me.” Sometimes your teen needs to borrow your faith and maturity until they have enough of their own.
What can give your teen hope?
Ask your teen about school? What do they like? Do they have friends? Do they get teased? Do they have trouble understanding the assignment? Do they turn in the homework? Have they always struggled in school? If there is anything that you can grab on to that will help you begin to solve the puzzle, do this quickly and persistently. Ask for help from teachers, counselors, clinicians, principals, etc.
Trust me on this, your teen is not the first to experience this problem and the answer is out there. There is hope that their school experience can add to their self-esteem rather than destroy it. Your teen is counting on you, you are their advocate. Please help them.
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