Cutting My Way Back to You
My teen patient cut a big X over his heart. Mom sat yawning on the bed next to him. I just kept thinking, “How are you going to get better without your Mom? You are clearly in so much pain and suffering.” This should not be. I do not mean this like a Pollyanna “no one should be in pain.” It just doesn’t make sense for teens to have so few needs met that they have to cut into themselves for what? Attention like, World take notice! I am in pain!
Don’t get me wrong. I have read about cutting and I understand where it comes from and what it is and is not, but I also know that it represents something and tells you about who the teen is that is doing the cutting. And that teen who chooses to cut may not be strong enough to shrug off Mom’s absence or Dad’s absence. So, listen to her.
What’s interesting is that if you are paying attention, they need so few dramatics to get your attention. They need only be. Your teen is talking to you, but they are using a different language. I know it can seem like they are sullen and simply sulking all of the time, but it can be hard to get a thought out when there is so much doubt going on in your head.
So, many teens tell me that they like that their parents are involved in their lives. “Sure,” my male patient said, “I don’t always answer audibly, but I like that they have asked.” What better feedback can you get? My patient’s mom works a lot and I understand that, but this child needs something. This child needs her. Will anything need you that much and make you feel that valued and appreciated even as they seemingly push you away?
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