Helping Your Teen Survive A Loved One’s Suicide
Teens that have lost a loved one to suicide are three times more likely to commit suicide. Knowing this information may save another teen’s life if you are the parent of that grieving teen.
Being a survivor of a loved one’s suicide can cause feelings of anger and frustration at the helplessness of it all. Your teen may wonder why their loved one didn’t love them enough to stay, or ask them for help. They may even have anger at the loved one’s seemingly selfish act. These questions can create other feelings that there must be someone to blame for this. Who did not do what they were supposed to do to stop this? The questions are endless, but the answers are nil. This is even when there is a suicide note which is less than 40% of the time.
Because teens are impulsive it can be difficult to predict warning signs that they are in enough pain to want to kill themselves. They require 24-hour watch to be certain and at some point you’re going to need to do something that leaves your teen alone. Furthermore, you can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped. In this case, they’re not going to let on that something is wrong. Some things that place people at higher risk include:
- A history of attempted suicide
- A family history of suicide
- A history of psychiatric or mental health disorders
- behaviors or a diagnosis of a psychiatric or mental health disorder
- A history of drug or substance use
Girls tend to attempt suicide while boys seek more aggressive means like guns. This is not to say that teen girls don’t complete suicides. Because these teens want the pain to stop, they can use substances to ensure their commitment to their plan.
For the living, the struggle becomes living without answers in a pain that seems insurmountable. There may be people who’ll say you’ll get over it and this can never be done. But, there is hope that your teen can get through the pain:
1. Reassurance
Reassure your teen that their feelings and questions are normal and common. Let them know that truly suicidal people are focused on their goal and that focus is very powerful. There was nothing to be done without the person’s willingness to have something be done.
2. Counseling
Counseling is a good way to get your teen talking about their feelings rather than keeping them in and having them explode at some point down the road.
3. Talk
Talking about it may make your teen sad, but it’s also one of the only ways to truly feel better. Ask your teen if they have ever felt so sad they wanted to hurt themselves. Be direct and let them know you want to know the answer. Depressed teens isolate themselves and feel alone. This supports their feeling they are alone in this world. Let your teen know this is not true. The fact that your teen has thought about suicide may scare you, but now that you know you can do something about it. Let them understand that talking about their loved one helps honor them. Talk about their loved one’s strengths, but don’t be afraid to talk about their weaknesses too. People are complicated and should be remembered as such.
Resources:
Web:
Share your suicide stories at suicide project
More survivor stories to read and add are at survivors of suicide
Books:
Hotline:
1.800.273.TALK
1.888.SUICIDE
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