Memorial Day: A Day of Remembrance
The essence of Memorial Day is remembrance. Even if you don’t have a related war veteran to remember and for whatever reason don’t want to go out and place flowers on veteran’s graves, you can share memorial day with your teen by remembering someone you dearly loved who is no longer with you physically.
Anniversaries of people’s death are a hard time for everyone. They remind your teen of a painful moment and can take them to a place they thought they’d moved passed. However death is so very permanent and the teen brain is forever changing and this makes it especially hard on them when someone they care deeply about has died at an earlier age. As your teen becomes more mature they re-live the hurt with this more mature brain and this can take them back to square one in terms of their grief. Also, teens by nature use avoidance to suppress the hurt they feel and in so doing are vulnerable to the very same raw hurt they felt when they first discovered the news of someone’s death; they may become tearful at the mere mention of the person’s name how much more the anniversary of their death.
The key is to get them remembering. The best way to keep someone alive and in your heart is through remembering them. This is the core of Memorial Day. We remember the service and dedication of these men and women by remembering them at least on Memorial Day. Likewise, your teen needs to remember and talk about the memories they have of their loved one who died. This helps keep the essence of the person alive and helps the hurt soften and heal. As with an actual cut, the scar is still there, it’s not always pretty, but over time the scar will soften to serve as a reminder. Ultimately it is a reminder of what your teen has been through and what they can survive.
So whether you choose to remember the service of a fallen veteran or the essence of a loved one, take a moment to remember someone who has died in the hopes of keeping them and the meaning of their life alive while allowing your teen to heal. There is no better way to make this Memorial Day better than sharing the love you had for someone with each other.
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