5 Things Parents Should Know about their Teen’s Substance Addiction
If only you could instill responsibility in your teen by being responsible FOR them. I had a patient that has a history of drug use. She completed the eight-week course of outpatient drug rehabilitation. I asked her if she was taking in Narcotics Anonymous meetings and she said, “No.” And by “No” I don’t mean, “Wow, should I be taking in meetings? Tell me more.” I mean, “No. I took the course. My obligation is over.”
Later, she asked if there was something she could take to help her tolerate the pain associated with her sport. I simply told her that THAT was the type of comment that was indicative of someone who still had work to do on their addiction. Of course, someone might say, “what is the big deal Give her some Ibuprofen or something.” She knew that, the issue was much worse that being sore after a game. The thought that she would consider using a drug instead of actually taking the pain she knew was part of her sport was very telling about how she dealt with the difficulties of life. It was clear that she felt pain was something that you could get rid of when you do not want to handle it. This is what worried me about the way she was coping and it made me stress that she consider Narcotic Anonymous meetings. They don’t say thirty meetings in thirty days for nuthin’.
When you have a teen with so little insight (not that this is surprising), it is critical that the parents and really the rest of the family is on the same page quickly. I need their learning curve to increase fast. For example, I do not want them to learn when their teen is eighteen that it becomes harder to have them committed to a drug rehabilitation program because he is considered an adult. The best time to make an impact is now so the cycle of sobriety and addiction can be learned quickly. For this to happen, parents need to realize what IS and ISN’T their responsibility. There is a lot of guilt associated with a teen being ill of any sort. Sometimes guilt can be counterproductive especially when it prevents you from setting appropriate limits with your drug seeking or addicted teen and therefore allows the use to continue.
Some of the most important things a parent can learn early is:
1. Can’t force sobriety. You can’t force anyone to get sober. Sending them off to a rural place or locking them in a room will not establish genuine sobriety only hard work does this.
2. Do it FOR them. You can’t get better for them. They are going to need to learn this one for themselves. This is the only way they will actually get better.
3. Use is about addiction. Their continuous use has nothing to do with their love for you. This is part of why you can’t guilt them into sobriety by asking, “How can you do this to me? You are killing your mother!” They know this and they will not let this stand in the way of their next fix.
4. Tough Love. A sign of your love is that you are forcing them to get better even if that means you will not lie for them, they will go to jail because you will not bail them out or you will not protect their reputation with friends and family by lying to prevent it from becoming tarnished.
5. Relapse, part of recovery. Relapse is really part of recovery. We hope that people will remain sober, but understand that there is something to learn when someone relapses. Although disappointing, it is part of what makes them stronger next time and so it is important to accept these lows in addition to the highs of their sobriety rather than judging their relapse.
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