The Teen Search for Acceptance
“I’ve got to wear this because EVERYONE is wearing this.” Everyone? Really? What they’re not saying is everyone who matters is wearing that. The desire to be accepted can make you do weird things and say even weirder things. Bear with your teen through what is bound to be a difficult learning process on self-acceptance. There are some bumps along the way.
A lot goes into what a teen thinks of themselves. Discovering who they are is influenced certainly by the media and those around them, but more so by the desire to be liked and accepted. That acceptance is a connection to a group that forms the early foundation of their view of themselves and who they might want to become, their identity.
Whose acceptance do they want?
Searching for acceptance begins outside of you. Teens change friends, clothes, music and hobbies in an effort to discover where they fit in, where they are liked. This is the beginning of self-discovery and acceptance and it can sometimes take years to complete the process. It’s a rare teen who early on realizes they have to accept themselves before they are accepted by others. Still, a teen will be driven by their desire to be accepted by friends, parents especially a hard to please parent, teachers, mentors or even celebrities. The search begins outside of themselves for what is ultimately inside them.
How does acceptance start?
Parents give self-acceptance a great start through their encouragement and praise. Allowing your teen to succeed especially at something they worked hard for builds self-esteem and pride in one’s self. So as hard as it is to see your teen stumble give support without doing it for them. Your confidence in them will give them the boost they need to get the job done, but don’t forget genuine praise for a strong effort or a job well done.
Warning signs:
If your teen’s self-esteem and self-acceptance is really beat up, they will struggle to get to the point of thinking they are good enough, cute enough or smart enough. In these situations, you will need outside help if they begin to act out their frustrations with:
- Eating disorders: Skipped meals, special diets or inappropriate weight loss
- Drug and alcohol use: binge drinking or high risk behavior caused by excessive use e.g. stealing or sexual promiscuity
- Depression: self mutilation, attempted suicide or a drop in grades.
- A change in their social environment with new friends, no friends, or more computer/fantasy/escape time.
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