2012-1
25

A Controlling Teen

Category: Parenting | 2 Comments
Be Sociable, Share!

    If you have a teen that is running the household as in actually telling you what to do then you need to go find your backbone in the garage with your eighties  shoulder padded chiffon blouse.

    No teen wants to be in control. It’s not in their nature. It isn’t how teens are built. They’ll do it if they have to and some teens will even excel at it because they have a natural talent for creating order, but no teen wants to be head of the household. The extreme example of this is what you see in South Africa if you are paying attention. These teens and tweens have had to raise siblings because their parents died of AIDS. If you ask them, they prefer to be in school with no responsibility other than doing well in their studies. If your teen is in control, it is because they saw that you weren’t and wanted to see how far they could push you before you found your backbone. If you haven’t found it by the time they’re in the middle teen years, you are both going to be in such a habit formed pattern that you will continue what you know only because that is ALL you know.

    No teen wants to be in control. They want to have parents they love and respect and who love and respect them back. They want to have parents they can depend on to love them, discipline them and hold them accountable no matter what you’ve heard on the latest talk show.

    Be Sociable, Share!
      2012-1
      24

      Insecure Teen?

      Category: Anxiety, Self-esteem, Teen General Development | No Comments
      Be Sociable, Share!

        Whether your teen tells you or not, they have a lot of insecurities. A lot. And to be honest, why shouldn’t they.

        Teens have tons of questions in their head about tons of things. They don’t always feel like they can ask or should ask you all of their questions, but whether or not they think to ask these questions, all of the questions are a set up for one insecure teen. Yes, it’s normal and doesn’t necessarily mean your teen has self-esteem issues, but it can make them a bit on edge. What am I going to do with my life? What is my contribution to society? What am I going to major in IF I get in to college and will it be a place I like? On and on and on…by the time you add questions about relationships, their body image, sex, depression, their family life well you have a walking ball of nerves.

        Not all teens wear their anxiety about their future on their sleeve and some hide it so well you’d think nothing is going through that head of theirs, but trust me they have some questions about it. Be patient and try not to give them the third degree on things that sometimes take a lifetime to figure out. After all, did you know these answers when you were a teen? Alright then.

        Be Sociable, Share!
          2012-1
          23

          The Teen Chat

          Category: Communication | No Comments
          Be Sociable, Share!

            You know that feeling you get when your boss wants to chat with you on a Monday morning? That’s the same one your teen can feel when you suddenly walk in to have a chat with them. Know why?

            They get this feeling for the same reason you get this feeling; You know your boss is too busy or too “bossy” to just come down and have a happy chat about what you did over the weekend so any “chat” they want to have is about something related to the job. So having a chat with your boss isn’t associated with anything positive. Sure your boss could do away with this association by chatting you up more about nonwork issues or coming down to tell you something you did great, but how many people are really that chummy with their boss? How many teens are that chummy with their parents? Well there’re certainly more teens that are chummy with their parents, but if you only want a sit down chat when you have a problem with your teen then when you want to chat, they’re going to think what did I do now? So they’re going to be anxious no matter what the chat is about.

            Your teen is not your boss. Chat ‘em up. Get to know other things about them and talk to them about all things so when something that is behavioral comes up, it doesn’t stand out so badly it creates a feeling of panic just because you want to chat with them.

            Be Sociable, Share!
              2012-1
              20

              Teens Shouldn’t Have Sex

              Category: Sexual Health | 1 Comment
              Be Sociable, Share!

                What if you can’t do the sex talk? What if you won’t do the sex talk because you have a complete block when it comes to teens and their sexuality? Who does the sex talk then?

                If you know you have a moral code that prevents you from giving an unbiased sex talk to your teen then the best thing you can do is get someone else to do it. Do your teen and their future lovers a favor and bow out gracefully. It would appear that worse than not giving them information is giving them bad information and complicating that with a sense of doom and gloom surrounding their sexuality. No one needs this type of sexual self-esteem. If you really are opposed to teens and sex then say nothing and tell your teen why; not that they haven’t figured this out already.

                The sex talk is a big responsibility because it lays the foundation for their sexual self-esteem and this can slowly melt together to become confidence or self-consciousness. Whether you think teens should be having sex or not the last thing you should want is raising a teen to think that their body and what it can do are associated with bad things. That’ll make for an interesting sex life.

                Be Sociable, Share!
                  2012-1
                  19

                  Teen Parent Fine Print

                  Category: Communication, Parenting, Teen General Development, Tween, Young Adult | No Comments
                  Be Sociable, Share!

                    You didn’t realize this, but you signed a contract when you decided to have your teen all those years ago. Just in case you missed it because you were so blissfully happy they were born healthy and smelled of baby smell, I have cut and paste it here for you to read carefully now that there isn’t a watermelon coming through your vagina. And so you dont have to get your glasses, I enlarged the print.

                     

                    “All births are final with no ability to submit request for extended warrantee on baby that grows up to be a defiant teen. Offer may be subject to terms and conditions of the genetic background and environment the baby is exposed to. There is limited time to expose the baby to new and outstanding things before they will no longer seem to be listening to most of what you say. Developing teen will find you annoying at times and irritating at others. You are not to become distracted by this given your parent wrote this into your baby contract when you were acting out much to their dismay at nine years old! (What goes around comes around) Teen may intermittently want you to treat them like a grown up with a fully developed brain while asking you to tuck them in at night or let them sleep with you because they saw a scary movie. Your teen at some point will be in a room with people who are drunk or stoned and understand that it does not mean your teen is drunk or stoned. Someone will want to put their hand up their shirt or down their pants and although you will be morally opposed to this you will sanction it along with poking holes in condoms and diaphragms when YOU are ready to be a grandparent. By accepting this child you accept the terms and conditions of this fine print not to truly understand its terms or conditions until your baby ah-hem teen has left the house and is on their own and you know that despite all the ups and downs they made it to adulthood. There is no expiration date on this fine print as you will find that no matter how old your teen becomes when they’re with you they’re almost always still your baby and seem to fall into that role whether they come visit you with their family or for a short visit from college. Whew!”

                    Enjoy your teen!

                     

                    Be Sociable, Share!
                      2012-1
                      18

                      Got Teen Stress?

                      Category: Communication, Mental Health | 1 Comment
                      Be Sociable, Share!

                        You know that freak out thing your teen does when you ask a simple question and they start yelling and waving their hands and ranting about how you always do this and why cant you do that because it’s so obvious they’re in the middle of …

                        That’s a stressed teen. Sure it’s called being a teen and you may excuse it as such, but this is also a teen with a lot on their plate. They don’t handle stress any better than you do when someone is asking for this and your husband wants sex and the taxes are due and you just realized there’s a leak in the roof. Calgon doesn’t actually take you away. You end up sitting there having to deal with all the stress. Well, so does your teen except your teen has limited coping skills and they lack the authority to blow off some of your requests like chores and socializing with the family.

                        The irritability that comes with a teen that is an overachiever or an underachiever that is stressed about not achieving is palpable and it makes everyone in the house on edge. Offer any way you can help like snacks or errands, offer a break on some chores when projects or important meets are around the corner and when things calm down point out or teach them better coping skills so they can get through those times a wee bit nicer.

                        Be Sociable, Share!
                          2012-1
                          17

                          Your Teen Needs Help

                          Category: Communication, Parenting, Teen General Development | 1 Comment
                          Be Sociable, Share!

                            Help?!!!! Unless your teen has a large building crushing their body, you may never really hear these words.

                            I’m not talking about a whiny teen who is nagging for you to do what they should be doing. I’m talking about the teen who doesn’t want to ask for help for fear it makes them look weak. Asking for help can not only be a sign of their weakness where you’re concerned, but it can also be an opportunity to be rejected. What if they ask for help and trust someone enough to depend on them and that person doesn’t come through for them? What if that person drops the ball? The lesson is don’t trust anyone and do it yourself. Getting a request of help from this teen will be almost impossible in the future.

                            Experiences shape who we become as adults and this is obviously no different for your teen. If you constantly remind your teen that you’re there to help and in their time of need don’t or can’t follow through on your offer, the lesson although not intended is clear-trust no one. It can take a lifetime to reverse this type of disappointment. When you say you will be there, be there.

                            Be Sociable, Share!