2012-3
28

Building A Belief System

Category: Teen Friend Relationships, Teen General Development | No Comments

It’s easy to say you believe in something. It’s much harder to defend your belief in that thing.

This is especially true when you’re just trying to figure out all the rest of what’s going on with the teen thing. For example, have you ever run into someone you knew in high school and after catching up asked, “wow, I thought you said you’d never…” It’s sort of what happened to the free-thinkers of the 60s that became the corporate greed of the 80s. Things change and people change with them or they’re left behind. This makes sense when you have responsibilities like a family to feed, but building a belief system might not make sense if your teen has to sit at the lunch table alone; feel like they have no friends which brings on a sadness that evolves into depression. It can feel like the desire to do well in school shouldn’t be a belief your teen has to defend so hard they’re all alone, but when they sit at that table alone they are.

Belief systems start in the oddest ways for your teen. Your teen making the decision to study hard instead of be popular is a perfect example of how following your own path is crucial to building a strong belief system.

2012-3
27

Dating As A Single Teen Parent

Category: Divorce, Parenting | 1 Comment

You’re a divorced parent that’s dating and things are good enough except your teen is going bananas with the attitude.

You can’t underestimate the bond your teen has with you as a single parent; talk about your “BFF.” If you’re one of those single parents that has a very close relationship with your teen then you may notice a bit of attitude when someone new is in the picture. If you were in a hurry you could call it jealousy, but it’s more than that. The connection you have with your teen can feel replaced by your new love interest if you spend time with them without your teen. Let’s face it, in order to nurture a new romance this is what’s required but, don’t forget your teen.

Your teen is like the jilted ex in this situation; replaced for a new model. You may not mean it that way, but it’s the same feeling the two year old has when they see you’ve brought home another one of them.  They’re thinking what? I wasn’t enough to make you happy? What’d I do? I thought we were good. Oh man I have to share now?!

2012-3
26

Fighting With Your Teen

Category: Communication | 1 Comment

“I think my parents aren’t the right parents for me. Otherwise, they’re okay.”

Parenting from your teen’s perspective can be so informative. I know you may think they’re too young to have a true idea of what needs to happen, but every once in a while ask them for a grade on how you’re doing. Get a sense of how well they think you’re doing. It can help you pinpoint the changes that can calm the fighting in your home. Sure, it might be your style, or a personality mismatch, but sometimes it’s the realization that you’re trying to parent them in a way that doesn’t fit their personality. In essence you become parents that aren’t a good fit for your teen. That is, until you change.

As teens start to find their own way they start to form their own way. This way might not be yours. If they procrastinate then you might have to let that go that you’re more type A. If they’re meticulous about their space and things then let them do their own laundry because you don’t do it well enough for them.  When you fight with your teen, make it worth your while and learn something from the fight that makes your relationship better. Otherwise, you’re just fighting and that’s no fun at all.

2012-3
23

Your Teen’s Expectations

Category: Parenting, Tween, Young Adult | 1 Comment

 There are expectations that your teen thinks they’re supposed to meet. They should do this or they should look like that. It can be overwhelming at times.

The expectation of what they think they’re supposed to do when they start to develop who they are is what others think of them. Your teen’s sense of self begins by their best guess about what others think of them and what others think they should do. They do this so they can be accepted. This acceptance gives them value. If your teen never grows out of that outside acceptance being more important in their process of acceptance, life is a bit more stressful.

What your teen is supposed to do is follow their own heart and learn how to accept themselves for who they are in their own very unique way.  Now that, takes a lot of patience.

2012-3
22

Does Your Teen Really Need that Stuff?

Category: Money Matters | No Comments

If you have a minute with your teen rather than ask them to clean their room, ask them to give some stuff away.

There can be a lot of stuff that builds up in their room and yes this can make it hard to keep clean, but it can also just be mindless clutter that makes it hard to find things or have some sense of organization.

There’s a huge win to getting rid of stuff your teen doesn’t really need. They can get more organized and find things more easily, you get off their back about their room being messy and even better the stuff they don’t need any more makes someone else’s day. There’s no way your teen needs all that stuff that bad.

2012-3
21

Teen Tough Love

Category: Parenting | 1 Comment

The toughest decision you have to make about your teen is whether to override their sense of free will; to take their power away to make choices for themselves.

You do this with grounding or other disciplinary action and it can be hard to make the decision sometimes no matter how much of a hard a@# you consider yourself; seeing your teen miserable is not fun. This is why it’s important to think of your teen as a middle aged person STILL doing unbecoming behavior because thinking of your teen as forty and STILL doing this behavior will help you do what you need to do.

Whether it’s an eating disorder, drug use or just being downright selfish, making the tough decisions like hospitalization, rehab and not feeding into all their desires is the best gift you can give whether you call it tough love or just plain ol’ love.

2012-3
20

The Teen Struggle For Independence

Category: Teen General Development, Tween | No Comments

It can feel like you argue over which way the wind is blowing when it comes to your teen. According to them, you don’t know that either.

Why must teens fight so hard, so often and so intensely?  

Why wouldn’t they?

Wouldn’t you if you were that curious about what life would be like if you ruled your world. Ironically this is what you’re trying to teach them –to be the ruler of their world. Researchers have seen this in the work place. The more independent one is at work, the happier they are.

Independence especially when your teen isn’t afraid of it is the right to go left and then suddenly change their mind to go right. The right to have a bowl of cereal for dinner instead of a meal that takes an hour to prepare and it’s the right to tell you that they’re figuring out their own value system and they’d really like a chance to use it.