2012-1
17

Your Teen Needs Help

Category: Communication, Parenting, Teen General Development | 1 Comment
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    Help?!!!! Unless your teen has a large building crushing their body, you may never really hear these words.

    I’m not talking about a whiny teen who is nagging for you to do what they should be doing. I’m talking about the teen who doesn’t want to ask for help for fear it makes them look weak. Asking for help can not only be a sign of their weakness where you’re concerned, but it can also be an opportunity to be rejected. What if they ask for help and trust someone enough to depend on them and that person doesn’t come through for them? What if that person drops the ball? The lesson is don’t trust anyone and do it yourself. Getting a request of help from this teen will be almost impossible in the future.

    Experiences shape who we become as adults and this is obviously no different for your teen. If you constantly remind your teen that you’re there to help and in their time of need don’t or can’t follow through on your offer, the lesson although not intended is clear-trust no one. It can take a lifetime to reverse this type of disappointment. When you say you will be there, be there.

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      2012-1
      16

      Gay Teen Sex Talk

      Category: Sexual Health, Sexual Orientation | No Comments
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        A Gay Teen Sex Talk? Yeah, it’s the same, but different and the key thing to know is…where it’s the same. 

        When you figure out, or your teen tells you that they’re gay, there may be some concern about the way you’re supposed to deliver the good ole sex talk. Maybe you didn’t think of this because you weren’t really planning on a straight  sex talk either, but let me get your juices flowing on either talk especially where they’re the same.

        They’re the same when it comes to falling in love with someone or trying to make the first experience one that isn’t built on a foundation of fantasy and Mr or Ms “Right,” but one where they can feel safe. Safety can refer to emotional safety or how much they can feel vulnerable with the other person, or physical safety. You should know that many prevention strategies are the same in terms of sexually transmitted diseases whether that’s via condoms or vaccines. The huge difference though is where I want you to check in with yourself.

        The huge difference which can be mimicked in the straight sex talk if you are morally opposed to that too, is that you convey whether intentionally or not your personal negative feelings about the relationship. This is the foundation that you build this gay teen sex talk. If you can empathize with the emotional connection that both straight and gay teens are aiming for, this should be a piece of cake! Certainly easier than the heart break involved with either of these relationships.

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          2012-1
          13

          Got Books on Puberty?

          Category: Sexual Health, Teen General Development | No Comments
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            You notice your teen girl won’t catch a ball anymore and it seems like your son has started wetting the bed. You start looking for your 1970s version of Our Bodies Ourselves. Umm…things have changed a bit including that book.

            There are so many books that are written to help teens navigate the mysterious world of puberty. Seriously, this is a big deal because the morphing that occurs through puberty isn’t always elegant and you never know what you’re going to end up with. Books in the home before something changes are a great way to have your teen have their curiosity quenched while helping them formulate a question or conversation with you. Special things to look for are pictures, small paragraphs and simple sentences and if they incorporate questions asked or answered by teens even better. You want to normalize their curiosity and the unique way they’re going through puberty.

            Whether it’s your son that thinks he’s too small or your daughter who thinks she’s too big, books are a great way to support your conversation with your teen about growing up. I said support not replace!

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              2012-1
              12

              A True Decider

              Category: Teen General Development | No Comments
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                Few teens know exactly what they want at this stage in the game called life, but that’s no reason to shirk their responsibilities as a “Decider.”

                Making decisions and owning them is what sets the people who let life happen to them apart from those who actually decide to dodge the bullets and survive. Sometimes these decisions are as simple as what your teen wants for dessert and other times they can be more weighted as in this life partner doesn’t make me happy, I’m going to have to make a decision. No one is saying that your teen can dodge all the bullets because they have decided after all, the best plans seem doomed to the influence of real life complications, but what deciding does is have your teen own their desire and then seize opportunity that reflects that desire.

                Without a sense of what they want their life to look like, without a decision about what their life might look like, they end up with something that was an undecsion, something that was left over. Hmmm, I guess that can be a happy place, but only if you decide to make it so.

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                  2012-1
                  11

                  Burnin’ Bridges

                  Category: Teen General Development, Young Adult | 1 Comment
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                    The last interaction you had with someone was absolutely horrible. What’s the first thing you say the next time you see them?

                    For many teens they act like nothing happened, this may especially be the case for boys who feel the past is the past move on already! It’s just that behaviors tend to repeat themselves and this makes it hard to have good faith and trust in any relationship, how much more the person who can’t acknowledge their behavior at the last interaction by apologizing or admitting their wrong doing. How you leave a relationship or end a meeting is a calling card and without being aware of how your teen’s behavior affects others well, the calling card can burn a bridge. It can also ruin other opportunities with potential employers, friends or dates. Stuff gets around.

                    Remind your teen that how you leave a situation determines a great deal of how you can come back if you need to. Because sometimes life works out in odd ways just ask the chauffer who mercilessly tormented Chris Rock in high school and then ended up having him as a client. Yep! Be mindful of how you leave a situation, ya never know.

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                      2012-1
                      10

                      Thinkin’ About Birth Control?

                      Category: Sexual Health | No Comments
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                        You can’t burst into the room and blurt out, “What do you know about birth control? You don’t need it anyway and finish your H.W.!” Yep, I think another tactic is in order.

                        Parents often struggle with the thought of bringing up the “sex talk” or anything related with sex or babies or sexuality…you get my point. You’re watching two people kiss on the T.V. and you’re squirming more than they are. Really? The talk is a series of talks throughout their lives and if you’re really good you have a talk buddy for life. This is whether you want it or not. Just know, parents tend to be a good 6 months to 2 years behind their teen in terms of what they’re ready for so be a little more direct if you can handle it. Better, start when they show signs of wanting to know and go from there. Don’t assume more than they’re saying and don’t underestimate them either. What a balance?!

                        It used to be you had some control over when they sleep or eat or who their friends were, but this dance has one lead and it’s them. So get a refresher course on birth control, etc and start talkin’ because things like birth control and the way we manage diseases has changed and you don’t want to ruin your street cred because of a bad google search.

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                          2012-1
                          9

                          Here, You Need A Breath Mint

                          Category: Communication | No Comments
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                            There’s that moment when you get in close to kiss someone and the birds are floating around your head and then you smell it, their breath. Ugh!

                            This is one example of things that involve such great tact and what grownups like to call maturity. What do you do? What do you say? How are you seriously gonna kiss this person and call it the best kiss ever? If you end up marrying this person this isn’t a onetime suck it up moment, this is a life sentence of bad breath and bad kisses! What do you tell your teen about honesty and caring when this same situation is the spinach on your bosses tooth or the toilet paper on the bottom of your colleague’s shoe, or the tear in the back zipper of your kid’s principal’s skirt. What do you do? What do you say?

                            I’m not saying there’s an easy answer or that you should be painfully honest all the time, what I am asking you to consider is these situations also happen at home and sometimes the person your teen wants to be honest with is you. And, I’m asking you to consider how you would take someone offering you the breath mint.

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