3 Ways to Keep your Teen Talking to You
Has your teen ever been upset and when they told you what it was about you almost blurt out, “Oh that. Is that all? That’s nothin’. I thought you were pregnant or something.” Thank goodness they had nothing very serious going on, but now you have completly invalidated your teen’s feelings with what is basically relief on your part. This invalidation or relief can leave your teen feeling unsupported.
When you have a lot on your plate: work, bills, parenting and you name whatever else just went wrong; it is hard to be empathetic to your teen’s concerns about not being invited to a party or having had a friend disappoint them. However, these moments are opportunities for your teen to see how well you listen and support them. They want to know if they can really come to you with their problems. Taking a deep breath to slow down and allowing them to tell their story without interruptions or teasing can go a long way to making an investment that will allow you to be the one they come to when thye need someone for something serious even by your standards.
Because teens can be very sensitive about being understood, they need proof through your behavior that you mean what you say about wanting to know what is going on rather than just taking your word for it. If they can look back over time and realize that you are someone they feel comfortable speaking with and they felt better after the talk (even if you do not solve their dilemma), they are going to keep coming to you.
Parents sometimes think their teen should be comfortable telling them things simply because they are the parent and unfortunately this is only good for the first discussions. To keep your teen coming to you takes work on your part:
1. Listen. Be a good listener. It helps wehen you don’t seem distracted so no peeking at blackberries and turn the television or computer off.
2. Inquire. Ask good questions not only will this keep them talking, but it will show your interest in what they are saying.
3. Empathy. Keep your judgments to yourself. Remember they have an opinion about you too they just don’t share it out of politeness and respect. It won’t help them relax around you if you cut them off to share your opinion on the matter. No one wants to speak to someone who is so opinionated there is no room for someone else to talk.
These simple rules can help you lay the ground work of your teen coming to you with simple concerns so that you can be the one they come to when they have really big concerns. Have you ever had a moment like this that you wish you had handled differently? Let me know.
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