5 Reasons Teens need Friends
A true sign of having a teen is their desire to socialize more with their friends and less with you, their parent. It is as though being a teen drained all the cool from your body. Never fear, you’re still cool, and they are just learning to, let’s say, appreciate you differently. A common mistake parents make is to either be terribly hurt, or restrict their teen’s socializing. There is a better way and it requires you let your teen socialize. This is important for the following reasons:
1. Empathy. Teens develop empathy through their experience with others the grocer, the neighbor and the friend. At no time was this more significant than the sixties during desegregation. White and Black teens that were raised to hate the other based solely on something as superficial as skin color had the courage to reach across the tracks and discovered for themselves that their parents were wrong about the races. Thank goodness or there would’ve been no Elvis Presley, Michael Jackson or President Barack Obama.
2. Socialize. A parent’s job is to socialize their teen that means literally teach your teen manners and social etiquette that lets them fit in with others to the degree that they are not behaving out of what is considered the norm for their peer group. Other teens will ostracize inappropriate behavior and this includes selfish or cruel traits. This is a lesson better taught by their peers. This means practice allowing others to speak in a conversation and diplomatically disagreeing and yet having enough confidence to state a disagreement for example.
3. Community. Getting to know a local businessman or a friend’s parent as a mentor, teacher, confidante, or friend can offer opportunities that may have been otherwise impossible through traditional networking strategies. These connections can inspire your teen to reach a higher goal, career or motivate them when it seemed like nothing would.
4. Family. Learning how their friend’s families work can teach about the many ways families work, or serve as an indelible imprint of the suffering that other teens around them are going through within their families. These friends bring a public service announcement to life and teach your teen compassion and empathy for “others.”
5. Friendship. Having friends teaches your teen how to be a friend. How to select a friend and why it is okay to be selective because not everyone deserves your friendship. It is a gift they give and others should appreciate. It is okay that some people remain acquaintances. This lays the foundation for finding a future mate and provides a great lesson in loyalty.
This whole process will go better with ground rules known in advance about whom they can be with and where they can socialize. Curfews and the rules for breaking curfew should be discussed as well as the exact reasons the privilege to socialize would be taken away.
These skills are important. It is part of their process of becoming an adult so please try not to take them shunning you personally. They still need you, but have reached a stage where they have to find their own way to be in the world without you standing there all of the time. At some point they have to stand on their own two feet. Let them do this while you are still around and can guide them. It is overwhelming to do this when they leave home or worse when you die. This way would leave them with no anchor. You are their anchor. Now, sit on the sidelines and try not to make the game about you. It’s about your teen becoming an adult.
For more information about teaching your teen social skills, you can check out this resource at the Contra Costa County Office of Education.
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