TheTeenDoc.com

Changing the World One Teen at a Time

Ever wish you cold have a teen expert in your back pocket when things are crazy with your teen? These five points are a great substitute!

1. Trust

They really want your trust. They want to know you have enough trust in their ability to make a decision. You won’t undermine their decision nor will you micromanage it. These are the things that dent their confidence and let them know that you doubt their ability. This is a sure fire way to make them doubt their ability too! They know your trust is a gift so please give them the tools to guard it well.

2. Love

It feels good to know you are loved. Tell your teen and don’t assume they know. They want to be told and it is a luxury to be bored of hearing it. It means you get to hear it a lot. It is only because they think everyone gets this that they act the way they do when you say it and show behabior that shows you mean it (e.g. listening without judgenment). Keep saying it and make sure they know you love them like a bee loves nectar!

3. Confidante

If all is crazy in your teen’s world, they want to come to you. They want to tell you about their crush, their failed grade, their honor roll achievement, their winning goal in soccer, their awkward first date and their fumbled first sexual experience. They want to tell you about all of it. Will you listen? Before they even think about telling you, they have gauged your probable response. Be careful with your body language and be open to what you might hear because they want to tell you they were pregnant, they were raped, they drank too much and they are gay too! The question is, “What will you do once you hear the information?” Will you be the support or the enemy?

4. Physical Connection

This cannot be stressed enough, but your teen wants your touch. This might be easier for women, but we need the men too! This is how your son will learn to hug his daughter and your daughter will learn to hold her son. Give them tactile love as well. Rub their back, hold their hand, and massage their back while they chat with you or watch a movie. Hugs and love. Who better to get it from than Mom and Dad? If you let them physically starve they’ll want it from anywhere and anyone. Let’s make sure this cup is very full!

5. Praise

Have you seen your teen overcome a great challenge; discover a new strength about themselves or demonstrate a great decision making or problem solving skill recently? Well, let them know. Please don’t be afraid to let them know what they are doing right. This is how they know what to keep doing right. Keep the praise, the standing ovations, the love; keep it all coming. This cup  should also be very full when they leave the home. If your teen feels they have a connection to you, they are less susceptible to predators of love deprived teens (i.e. Social website/Internet predators, gangs, cults, etc).

Keep these points with you. Read them through when your teen does something “wrong,” doesn’t seem to be doing their best or seems to be getting on your last nerve. These points will help you parent with love and compassion and sometimes that is all your teen needs to get back on track.

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