Are You A Strict Teen Parent?
Parenting is hard stuff. Parenting teens is, well, hard. A teen’s brain knows just enough to question authority, especially when that authority is you. The more you try and control them, the harder your teen is to control. If you have strict guidelines on socializing, dating, talking on the phone, going to the movies, talking about a member of the opposite sex being cute – you may be a strict parent.
What’s the problem with this?
It doesn’t work. The truth is your teen will try and abide by your rules, but will eventually become resentful, with that resentment will come anger and then they will realize it is better to lie than argue. When they are caught in one of these lies, they will forever be seen in your eyes as a liar who has betrayed your trust.
What really happened?
What really happened was while you were arguing with your teen about dating and going to movies, your teen was really asking for permission and was attempting to discuss topics they knew you would oppose, but hopefully reconsider. At least, a little.
What can you do?
Compromise. Your teen understands that you want them to study hard. Relationships are a distraction for school work and you want them to work hard, but they need to be socially savvy as well and they are supposed to learn this while they are a teen. This is what teens do. They socialize. Restricting their connection with others only stunts their growth and makes them socially awkward adults.
Instead:
- Explain why you have these rules
- Describe the setting that makes that privilege more comfortable for you (e.g. have the party at your house)
- Be sure they understand behavior that will get the privilege revoked
- Once you make these rules, DON’T change them because you changed your mind. You too must be trustworthy to your teen.
- Compliment your teen on how responsible they are with your rules
- Give your teen another privilege. Let them earn your respect through their behavior.
You will get so much more out of your teen this way. Instead of resentment, anger and a tense relationship with your teen, you can foster confidence and responsibility while knowing that they are transparent about their socializing while developing important life skills that will get them ahead in life. You want this too, right?
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