Are You Showing Compassion To Your Teen?
You just found out there is a rumor that your teen was caught having oral sex in a public setting. What do you do? What do you think? What is the first thing you say to your teen when you see her? Him?
Do you know what your teen is thinking? It’s hard to think of this because you are more than likely consumed with your own thoughts and feelings, which is understandable. But if you had the luxury of objectivity, you’d probably see how mortified your teen is. You’d see your teen’s sense of self collapse and their identity become that of the rumor. They begin to see themselves as the rumor has defined them, a slut. This is not the ideal foundation of good self-esteem or self-worth. Depression soon sets in.
This is the time when your teen needs your compassion the most. More than ever your teen needs your love. They are aware of how much they have disappointed you, but do you know how much they have disappointed themselves? They carry this feeling of disgust for themselves and then they look at you and see the one person who can challenge that feeling validate it. It is a painful place to be.
Your compassion towards your teen opens opportunities for discussion, honest discussion. Your teen is unaware of the emotional price of sexual activity. They believe and trust their partner when they swear it will be kept between them. This betrayal is possible irrespective of age and you know that because you have undoubtedly had hard lessons learned in your life. Did you want someone to judge you or show you some compassion? This is a life lesson your teen is learning.
Your teen needs your support especially since later you will discover the rumor is not true. The boy wanted to inflate his position with his friends. The incident everyone was talking about was really the proposition and your teen said, “No.” the boy got mad and decided to tell everyone it did happen since he was insulted by the rejection. If you hadn’t shown your teen the compassion, you might have ruined your relationship with your teen over a rumor. Whew! Nice save.
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