Avoiding Growing Up
Is your teen more interested in the sitting on the couch and playing video games? Perhaps they’re more interested in trading baseball cards or stamps than they are about looking for a career or enrolling in Spring classes. These are obviously signs of a teen that doesn’t want to grow up. The question is why?
There are stages to reaching adulthood that your teen goes through during their teen years. This is why you let them do things on their own so they aren’t so scared as adults. As they pass from preteen or tween to early teen to middle teen to late teen. Their brain develops and they get smarter. They do. They literally begin to see the world as one that includes them rather than one that is all about them. This is so big!
When they don’t do this, when they continue to think the world is about them, they have missed a step. They have to go through all the steps. What causes them to miss a step are things that cause a struggle at one stage or more; struggles with their body acceptance, sexuality, gender, family life or any mental health disorder like depression, anorexia, substance use, etc. This literally arrests their development. So they continue to grow physically, but mentally they are severely delayed.
This is so frustrating for family that anticipated they would be less involved in their child’s life by a certain time and instead find themselves not only more involved, but almost still micromanaging since their teen cannot. What may further complicate things is your teen’s behavior that wants so badly to be with their peers and out from under your control, but is clearly not capable of such “adult” decisions or responsibilities.
This is a very difficult balance and one that has to be maneuvered with support. You have to get support for both you and your teen and a great place to start is your medical doctor’s office, or mental health provider who can inform you of support groups for the particular issue (e.g. anorexia, depression, etc.). You have to realize that you’re not alone and that although life may look a little different down the road, that with support your teen can become less afraid of who they are so they can continue the process of becoming an adult.
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