But, It’s Not About You
You have been called to the principal’s office to address an issue with your teen. Your thinking, my teen is no Mother Theresa, but the principal’s office? This isn’t good. You get there and learn that your teen was caught selling drugs. This isn’t even close to what you were imagining. You’re in utter shock. What do you do when you see your teen? Yell? Cry? Apologize for them?
It’s incredibly hard to maintain a sense of calm in situations like this especially when you‘re managing personal feelings of failure or guilt as a teen parent, concern for your teen’s well-being as well as concern that you’re being judged as a parent since, what type of parent has a teen that would think of selling drugs? Surely you might have been thinking not 24 hours before this moment, no teen of mine would ever be in the principal’s office for alleged drug trafficking. It’s this thought process that can influence your next move and change the course of your teen’s life.
Consider for one moment that instead of your thoughts being focused on how your teen’s actions make you feel that you consider what must be going on in my teen’s life that they feel they need to get my attention this way? Not as a brat seeking attention with a tantrum, but as a kid in trouble asking for help. What if this is their way of saying, “I’m out of control. I have exhausted my entire problem-solving capacity and I need help out of this mess I’ve made of my life.” Only, that is waaaay too mature a request so their brain calculates a decision that on an average day, any day, they would have told you was stupid.
This simple change in your thought process from one of look at how this behavior reflects on me and my parenting to my teen’s extreme behavior tells me that they need me right now more than ever; they‘re in trouble and they know it. This simple change can make the difference in whether your teen survives this and rehabilitates, or creates an even bigger cry next time.
When your teen exhibits behavior that is uncharacteristic of the average teen how much more them, it’s time to consider they may be standing on the edge of a cliff with their hand outstretched asking for your help and telling you they need you right now. So as you march to the principal’s office, if you can manage it try not to make it about you, and through your tears, try and imagine the tears of your teen as they are about to fall off a cliff with their hand outstretched and opt to reach out and grab it.
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