Can You Look At Me?
“Do your eyes light up when your teen walks into a room?” The author Toni Morrison said this while discussing her relationship with her children in the early days of her pursuit of writing. It occurred to her that she would keep writing when they were around. It became apparent to her that her grunts and groans with their shadow in the door were no substitute to her face which her children hoped would light up as they walked into a room.
Your teen wants to see yourface light up when they walk into a room as well. Instead, they are frequently met with the back of your reading material, your forehead reflecting the glare of your smart phone, your back or a raised brow. These moments that could have reinforced your commitment and love for your teen unfortunately conveyed an unwillingness to do something simple like pause TiVo long enough to acknowledge their presence. Your teen saw your indifference instead of your love.
Your teen wants to know they are special in your eyes. They want their presence to bring you joy. It is this validation that causes some of the best moments you will see in your teen while the invalidation can make them feel insecure, less confident and doubtful about their abilities. All from looking up from my paper? Are you serious? Are you kidding me?
Seems extreme, but it’s what your actions demonstrate when you look up from your paper. When you acknowledge your teen, you tell them, “you are worth my time, and you are more important to me than an article in the paper.” It is this sense of being special that makes teens feel loved and heard. It gives them the confidence to venture out into the world with their head held high thinking, “I am someone. I am loved.” With this, they can do almost anything.
Related posts:
Loading ...