Do As I Say. Not As I Do
As a parent in a moment of frustration you might hear things come out of your mouth that you would have sucked your teeth at or rolled your eyes if you had heard it as a teen. Most likely you had this reaction because you saw it for the hypocrisy that it was. Yet, there must be something in the Parent guide book because these things have been passed down from generation to generation. These are the top three.
1. Do As I Say. Not As I Do.
This phrase must drop a teen’s respect for authority a notch or two. You and your teen know you’re about to do something that should not be done and yet it’s about to be done anyway. The worst part about this is as parents you see your teen do things they know they shouldn’t do and they get punished or chastised for it. They too want to say that what they say is more the truth, and what they are doing is just something naughty for the moment. Can you blame them if they give you a little attitude the next time you judge their behavior?
2. Because I said so
Inherit in “because I said so” is, I’m the parent and essentially as the parent what I say, goes. What you say is all that counts. This is true –to a point. As a parent, you also know how imperfect you are. How prone to mistakes you are even while trying to do your best because you are human after all. Your teen challenging you is a sign they’re thinking. It isn’t always about mouthing off to you. Sometimes give a listen to their argument. Let them tell you why. You don’t need to answer then. But later, ask yourself if your teen had a point. If they did maybe you can integrate this point into your next exchange. If you are really feeling secure maybe you can let your teen know. you were wrong. It can only make things better. Heck, they already know you’re imperfect. They just don’t think you know.
3. It’s my house. I Make the Rules.
This is true. It is your house after all you pay the bills, but you’re also trying to make your family feel part of a team. You’re trying to nurture your teen to make good decisions and to do this well they need to see how you came to your conclusion, not always and certainly not in a long winded way, but in a way that includes members of the family. This includes your teen. So yes it is your house and you do make the rules, but your teen lives there too and so that makes it their home too. They should absolutely respect your rules, but let them do this with healthy debate too.
The power of your words and the ever more powerful actions shape who your teen becomes. In a hectic day it is hard to pay attention to the details, but even if it’s done in a double take. You can help your teen understand the position they hold in the family and the responsibility that comes with that position, which is not to be passive and just do everything you say. Really, they can’t if they are to learn how to think for themselves.
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