Does Your Teen Know How to Apologize?
With the recent hiring of Michael Vick by the Philadelphia Eagles the debate over not just his hiring, but whether his apology was genuine has been ongoing. It appears that people are not just put off by his treatment of animals , but they are equally unimpressed with his apology. Knowing that your teen may one day have to give an apology, it’s a good idea to teach them how to give a good one. There are three big parts of an apology.
1. What’s in an apology?
There is an art to giving a good apology. Although it may seem formulaic when celebrities apologize and then donate to a cause, the formula is a great foundation to build on, but first, teens really need to know what a good apology has:
- An apology communicates what they are apologizing for (I’m sorry for…)
- An apology takes responsibility for the action (I really should not have…)
- An apology acknowledges what the effect of their actions on the injured party were or demonstrates empathy (I can see how I made you feel…)
2. Presentation of the apology
The second big part of an apology is presentation. This can include, but is not limited to body language. If your teen is apologizing face to face open body language like hands at sides and good eye contact are essential. However, because people can choose to apologize using various mediums: e-mail, a hand written letter, a card, actions that right the wrong, penance until the wrong is made right in their eyes of the injured, gifts orin person, it’s important that the presentation also show how sorry your teen is (e.g. you don’t put an apology in a card with cheeky humor unless you know the person very well). These methods depending on what someone is apologizing for can all be appropriate; although e-mail is less desirable etiquette an apology done well can be transmitted through any medium.
3. Forgiveness
Finally, the last part of an apology is forgiveness. Sometimes that forgiveness is for yourself and sometimes it is from others. Whichever medium your teen chooses, the most important thing is that they can say they’re sorry when they are wrong. Learning how to do this is a life skill that earns respect and sometimes more important for the person who is genuinely sorry forgiveness, but this too can’t be done without a true understanding of what it is to apologize.
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2 Responses Leave a comment
Such great advice! The best way to teach them this is to model the behavior as parents. We’re not perfect and we can offer them a sincere apology when we screw up!
Well said! Parents should be the primary role models and it is my hope that they remember that when people place too much emphasis on that aspect of our sports heroes like Mr Vick.