How Did We Get Here? Not Talking To Each Other
Your teen will never remember what happened. How you got where you are now, barely talking to them. They won’t, but you will. If you try and explain what happened they will deny, deny, deny. This is why it’s better to prevent the whole thing in the first place.
Your teen, at twelve or thirteen, will have this sudden irritation that comes over them when you’re around. They can’t explain it and they don’t know what it is exactly, but just you asking about their day, will irritate them. Their brains will not think clearly anymore as they transition to full teen and they will view you as someone to do their bidding and take their crap. Why not? You love them unconditionally, remember?
This is when parenting steps in. Your teen is asking to be parented. They too feel as though they are being taken over, and if a sibling is involved it can become very difficult watching a younger sibling get their feelings hurt as they try and copy their big sibling. You don’t always have to be the one to do it and in many cases, you probably shouldn’t be the one to do it, but get someone to remind them.
Remind them that this type of behavior as they enter teen and then adulthood does not get them friends how much more family that wants to be with them. Gently remind them that this type of behavior will force family to hide when they’re around for fear of the abuse. Remind them that they too are hurt when people they look up to brush them off. This is why they should be kinder to their younger sibling. Remind them, gently, that it is their family that loves them and wants to be there for them. Their friends may or may not be there. Their family WILL be there. Tell them that they’re still expected to be kind as they transition to adulthood and this will bring great things as they enter high school when all the opportunities for parties, trips and transportation become important.
Finally, let them know they’ll never remember why their parent stopped talking or approaching them to ask them about their day. That it was the behavior that caught them off guard. They wondered where their sweet child went. They’ll just be angry to look up and not see them there. Since they’ll never remember, prevent the whole misunderstanding by reminding them to be kind and patient because growing up is hard on everyone, but it’s easier when you know you have your family in your corner.
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