I can’t get a “B”
“Well, I changed my class because that class was hard and I was going to get a ‘B.’ I can’t get a ‘B.’ Me? A ‘B’? I don’t think so. I have never gotten a ‘B’ in my life and I wasn’t about to start with some advanced placement physics class. “ Do you know this teen? Do you live with this teen? Life is going to be very hard when they finally earn that “B.” It’s a shame they missed the opportunity to learn the lesson in high school by switching classes. 
If school comes easy enough to your teen then this topic never comes up or may come up later in university. However, for many teens whose grades are important to the next stage in life. This topic comes up a lot. These teens understand the importance of grades in terms of their future, but they forget to put it in context. Instead, the positive feedback they receive for their grades and the grades themselves become their identity. The grades become who they are. They are the A. So self-identifying as an “A” student will cause a major crash when they have to identify with another letter grade like “B” and heaven forbid, “F.”
Instead of realizing they are more than their grades, the feedback they receive has communicated that you are only good if you get the “A.” So they understandably become fearful at the thought of having to identify with anything other than that, thinking they might not be as loved, as liked, or as respected. It is this fear that makes them say, “I can only get As.” In other words, I don’t want the negative feedback from people. What will my parents think? What will my friends or teachers think?
So when you encourage your teen, you may want to encourage the behavior rather than the result. “I like that you’re persistent, tenacious or a hard worker. These skills are beneficial for a lifetime and allow them to look at a “B” and say, “I worked hard and did my best” rather than, “I’m not going to get positive feedback for a ‘B’.”
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