I Didn’t Ask To Be Born!
This is true. If you haven’t heard this one already, stay tuned. It may be coming to a parent-teen argument near you. Here’s the kicker though, they didn’t.
The story goes that when Halle Berry found out she was pregnant she was so happy she saved the pregnancy test. Now that’s happy. If she keeps half of that kind of joy through her daughter’s life she’ll have the gift of treasuring more moments than not. This element of wonderment helps keep you in love with your teen and less annoyed by the things that don’t matter so much. Here are some tips to help you:
1. Birth Story
Remember when your teen was first born and you re-tell the story of your delivery over and over again? You look back at your baby and sigh that you are sooooo in love. Here’s the thing, even if you didn’t have the most perfect birth story for your teen the ultimate reward of finally meeting your baby must have been amazing. If you can remind of yourself of finally getting to see your teen when they were a baby after all that waiting and labor, you can really help keep your sense of awe for your teen at the forefront.
2. The Good Stuff
Now this doesn’t mean you have to be in denial about your teen’s shortcomings, but it does mean that you should probably think about the good stuff as much or more than the bad stuff. This is to counter the human nature of always thinking about what needs to be fixed in someone like your mate. Getting into the habit of thinking about someone’s good qualities can help you stay in a good mood around them. It also has the added effect of bringing out the best in them. How’s that for a win-win situation?
3. Forget the Bad Stuff
This may seem like reminding yourself about the good stuff, but this is more about letting the past stay in the past. Forgiveness allows you to move on. You have to remember your teen is learning how to ride the bike of adulthood and they need their training wheels right now. They’re going to make mistakes in fact they’re supposed to make mistakes that‘s what you’re there for to help them learn from mistakes not remind them so much that they’re paralyzed by them. This is when you preface every reason you cannot give them permission with, “Well last time I let you fill in the blank, you botched it up and the police were called!”
4. Your Funeral
This may not be something you want to think about, but the best way to be prepared is to plan ahead. Act as if today is the last day and say things you might not ordinarily say to loved ones like your teen. This type of presence in the now has a way of expediting someone’s forgiveness, kindness, and demonstration of emotions towards another person. Try it and see if it does not change your teens reaction towards you. You can’t keep living on the last time you said, “I love you.” Try saying it again.
So the next time your teen walks out the door, even if they were so grumpy that morning consider how you would act if you knew you might not see them ever again as a way to get through the hurt.. Consider your birth story and how you are gratful to have them. No your teen didn’t ask to be born, you did. Let them know you certainly are glad they were born and they sure are a keeper!
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