Immediate Gratification, “I Want it Now!”
Each of us has a goal in life even if it is just getting to work on time. The journey is filled with moments of excitement knowing that with each step you are one step closer to your destination, but the frustration of a car breaking down or an accident on the road can make you think that you’ll never get there.
Parents struggle with these frustrations, but deal with them because you know eventually you’ll get there. It may not be the way you would like (limo service), but you will get there. This, patience, does not work the same way for teens.
Some teens are going to take this journey of getting to your destination harder than others. When asked to meet a goal of weight loss, weight gain or quitting smoking, they may get frustrated when it doesn’t work the first time, or the slightest obstacle blocks the path “If I have 20 pounds to lose, I should be able to lose it in a couple of weeks.” To most parents, this is an illogical thought, but not with teens who see a day as a lifetime!
It is important to remember that early teens have no ability to see how their current behavior affects future consequences. This is what contributes to so many of their poor decisions e.g. they use attempts of suicide to make a point rather than reasoning “I could go too far and really hurt myself or die.” Their impetuous behavior isn’t there to irritate parents; it is the fleeting thought of adolescence.
Help teens get a better sense of patience:
1. Tell your story. Have others or yourself share stories of the “ups and downs” of meeting a goal e.g. buying a car and add how your perseverance paid off.
2. Books. Share biographies of their favorite celebrities who seem like “over night successes,” but toiled for years before their first big break.
3. Sports. Use the example of sports by either relating it to their sport or encouraging them to join a sport and meet a goal e.g. preparing for and then running a marathon.
4. Money. Save up for a desired item or donation to a meaningful charity.
These examples all establish the universal theme of hard work and discipline, which will very often get them to their goal. Fast success is usually temporary and shortcuts only deliver a sloppy foundation upon which nothing can be built. So, let them see you make compromises and struggle for that promotion; it helps normalize the experience of patience and hard work.
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