Independence Day, or age 18 in America
Happy Fourth of July or Independence Day for America! Similar to the rebellion that lead to America gaining independence from England, teens are struggling to gain independence from their parents. Some rebellions are quiet, but freedom is not always obtained easily, ask England how easily they gave up America.
To even begin to appreciate the position you are placed in as parents, you have to understand what is required to become a parent. You give up all your freedom to take care of someone who is completely dependent on you. Someone who cannot talk, walk or tell you what is wrong with them. What is required of parents at this stage is nothing short of angelic.
You just start to hit a groove and you leap over milestones like potty training and riding their bike to the park alone, but they love the comfort of your touch, assurance and proximity and then one day you wake up and they are irritated by your presence alone. They fight you and give no merit to any wisdom you want to share. The coach, my friend or the internet said, “But Mom, you don’t understand!”
In some ways, teens are right. Parents don’t get it and honestly how could they completely. It’s like reading a book about a topic that you are unfamiliar with and having a common thread allow you to empathize with the main character.
Your teen is the main character that needs your empathy.
If you view every quirky thing they do within the context of “they need to become independent. They need to be able to do it on their own so they can be an adult and self-sufficient.” You are going to take more things in stride; MORE things, not everything. Hopefully fewer things will get to you as your teen journeys through their teen years to get to the destination of adulthood.
SO, let them wear the purple skinny leg paints with the purple shirt, the blue hair with the bright pink tips. Let them start picking an outfit and a hairdresser and then later they will have the basis to scrutinize a mortgage or a good friend. Let them make a decision. Give then their independence.
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