Is Your Teen Avoiding You?
Your teen knows you well. Their unwillingness to speak to you about their lives can stem from their natural desire for privacy, but it can also be their dislike of your reactions. It can get to the point that even your teasing is more annoying than something playful. When this happens, it is time to re-evaluate your approach to interacting to your teen.
If you could ask your teen, “Hey, I notice you seem to frown and roll your eyes when I interact with you. Is there anything that’s bothering you? Does my teasing bother you?,” this would be too easy provided you were willing to change what annoyed them. But, more often than not they have become so annoyed or even angry with you by now, they simply want you to go away. They shut down and they don’t talk.
Teens are really big on consistency. It takes a lot of consistent behavior to get them to trust that you will follow through. Understand that they have been growing up in your household and understand patterns of your behavior. They have a very good sense of how you might react to something. If you express a desire to change you will have to show them through consistent behavior that you mean it before your teen will believe you and begin to open up.
So what do you do?
Acknowledge
Acknowledge that something you are doing might be annoying your teen. This is hard because it can give the impression that you are giving up the power in the relationship (after all you are the parent), and it can seem like a personal attack on who you are, but if you try it and it works, you are going to have a happy home .
Ask
Ask your teen if they would be open to nicely tell you what it is you do that annoys or angers them. They can say it, or write it down. If they don’t want to tell you then go on to “Attempt.”
Attempt
Attempt changes in your interactions with your teen. If you notice they don’t like the teasing then next time ask them a question without a joke or tease. Be serious and to the point and add, “I know you don’t like my teasing you. I’m not sure if it hurts your feelings, but I will try to stop. Attempt not to be critical or judgmental about anything they do. When they do tell you something even of the most minimal concern, thank them and let them know you are glad they felt comfortable sharing that information with you.
When your teen is avoiding you, you need to consider if you are the problem too. Having a difficult relationship with your teen is no laughing matter, but like a marriage it takes hard work and a commitment to want to see an improvement before you can begin to see changes. Unlike a spouse, you cannot divorce your teen so the incentive to see a change is even greater.
Related posts:
