Is Your Teen Proud Of Their Grades?
Doc: How are your grades?
Teen: Average (teen looks down and gives a nervous smile while adding) “I could do better, but I’m lazy.”
What does average mean anyway? There is a law of averages and there is an average, but letter grades being average? Average usually means, they get mostly Cs, but they are not above a D or F here and there and if the class is fairly reasonable they may even get an A or B, but mostly Cs with more Ds than they care to explain.
If your teen cannot say their grades with pride, then they should be working harder or at the very least working hard to figure out why their grades are average.
The inability to say their grades with pride because they worked hard for them whether they be As or Fs is a source of potential damage to your teen’s self-esteem and once this damage is internalized it becomes part of who they think they are. Once the damage is made a part of who they are “I suck at school” they will assume this role for their lifetime.
There is nothing like the group of teens that have failed out of school to help your teen drown their troubles and feelings of inadequacy. This group that cuts class, knows where to get confidential family planning, finds the best drugs and seems to know all the places to hide when you’re running from the cops. This group is the beginning of a downward spiral.
Gently challenge your teen not with “Do better or else I take away…” No. That isn’t clever enough for you. Challenge your teen by asking them how they feel about their grades. Ask them if they would like to do better. Tell them you are willing to help them, but it will take changing a lot of their current behaviors. You may need the support of teachers (to assess for learning problems or get tutored), pediatrician (to assess for medical causes of learning problems) and a mental health worker (to assess for mental health reasons for difficulty learning like depression or ADD) to solve all of the challenges, but together you can improve your teen’s self esteem about their grades. But remember this isn’t about the grade; it’s about your teen feeling better about who they are and of what they are capable. Because trust me, they aren’t lazy.
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2 Responses Leave a comment
What if your teen gets straight A’s (always has), but begins to underachieve, and alienates a parent due to the other parent telling lies and discouraging contact with the other parent?
This has everything to do with the conflict between parents. You should look into getting some type of mediator (counslor that specializes in divorces parents working together) so that you remain on the same page where your teen is concerned. This is obviously very important. Look at what it has done already. Best wishes!
Dr O