Know What You Can And Can’t Change About Your Teen
Which do you think is your teen’s best attribute? Which do you think is their worst? Sometimes in the desire for perfection, if not improvement you can criticize, cajole or try and reward your teen into a different person, a better person. But the first thing to realize is that there are things about your teen you can change and other things that are well just who they are.
Your teen always seems to wait until the last minute to turn in their assignments. You’ve tried calendars, time tables, alarms and check-ins. They still start a few days before the assignment is due. You also seem to notice they are slow to get up in the morning and they’re the last one in the car when the family is headed out. This is not something you will change, and you will only make them s-l-o-w-e-r by nagging them about it all the time. They’ll develop this bug in their ear about being rushed and restructure their lives so they’re never rushed. That’s how much a part of them this is. So instead of devising another chart ask yourself, “Do the assignments get in on time?” “Are they suffering in any way besides the suffering your nagging is putting them through?” “No. Well newsflash, you’re not going to change this. Work with it instead by setting the leave time 10 min early.
Now on the other hand, you have a teen that seems to struggle trying to figure out the exact way they should get organized. They have tried everything and they are getting frustrated. They are unsure of what to do and they are losing confidence that they ever will. You suggest a wall calendar and a small notebook with a checklist for things they must do. They’re getting stuff done. They’re doing better with class work and they seem to be using it to get chores done too! What a difference! You have a happier and more confident teen! This teen was suffering and your suggestion saved them from complete failure and lowered self-esteem. This was something that was not innate to whom your teen was they simply needed some guidance. This, you can change.
By knowing what you can and cannot change you make a big difference in validating who your teen is and accepting them that way. This goes a long way to having them accept themselves and that does wonders for their self-confidence and self-esteem.
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