Learning By Osmosis
In the film Karate Kid starring Jaden Smith as Dre, there is a scene where he is asked to take his jacket off, place it on a hook, take it off the hook then put the jacket on. He is asked to do this repeatedly. Dre thinks he is simply being punished and wants to learn kung fu. It isn’t until his teacher shows him another way to use what he has learned that Dre understands what he has learned. Likewise with your teen, there’re things you ask of them that will allow them to be more responsible in the “real” world.
1. Take care of yourself
Although the first instinct is that this is a selfish thing to do, when done correctly meaning not at the expense of others, it allows you to have the resolve to be there for others in full capacity. Understanding that you need your rest, you need to eat properly, you need to use the bathroom or go to your doctor visits allows your teen to take care of their “to do” list and then they can take care of others better than might otherwise happen if they had run themselves into the ground. You only teach your teen to value themselves less when you ignore your needs as a parent. Teach them by example rather than with 20/20 hind sight.
2. Take care of your relationships
When you take care of your relationships whether they’re your spouse, parent, extended family, friends or work related relationships, you are teaching your teen to develop a supportive social network. Partying and hanging out are fun for some time in your life, but at some point you want the friend you can call with your last quarter when you are in jail, your death bed, the one who you will ask to help take care of your children if something were to happen to you. It is these relationships that will challenge your teen to be better, and allow them to see themselves through as honest a mirror outside of themselves as possible.
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. Respect your parents
What you are teaching them is to respect authority. When they have a healthy respect for authority they are less likely to talk back to a police officer that might have let them off with a warning had they not starting mouthing off. It may also show remorse so that the officer believes it is unlike your teen rather than consistent with your teen’s behavior and therefore should be taught a lesson.
4. Share with your siblings
What you are teaching your teen to do is not be selfish and consider that there are other people in this world besides them. When they consider, I will not eat all the dessert because I don’t think my little brother is home yet and this is his favorite, they also consider I will not selfishly park in a disabled parking space for 5 minutes because I can walk and whoever this space is intended for cannot and that would not be very nice.
5. Clean your room
What you are really asking them to learn is to be organized. When you have an organized environment, which usually means clean space you can easily find things and this can save them from buying a new phone charger because you can’t find the old one, or more toothpaste because you misplaced the one you bought the last time you were at the store.
Your teen does a series of repetitive motions that teach them skills they don’t realize until one day it dawns on them that taking care of themselves although it seemed selfish allowed them to have more energy for other things and people, having good relationships around them gave them strength and support rather than drama and crisis, respecting authority while questioning it allowed them to get out of a bogus ticket, learning to share gave them a good feeling after a family of four thank them for their generosity and cleaning their space allowed them to save 50 percent off a previously purchased item because the store said they would refund money if the item went on sale within 2 weeks of purchase if they had a receipt. They won’t know until the lesson is required of them in a real life scenario so keep asking these things of them. They need the skill whether they realize they’re learning it or not.
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