My Teen Hates Me

“It’s like my teen hates us. He doesn’t want to be seen with us or associate with us anymore. We used to do things together, but now he’s so moody. You don’t even want to talk to him. Besides I never know what mood he’ll be in and if it’s bad, well, I could get my head bit off for the littlest thing. Ugh! I didn’t realize even middle school could be so hard.”

The truth is when questioned, ninety percent of teens really like their parents and think their doing a great job parenting. It may not seem like that and certainly the hype would make anyone think that teens hate their parents, but if you can take a moment, relax and get a reality check, you will find that teens mostly like their parents. Here’s the problem, teens love them, but their job is still to separate from them. This is the reason for the perception of dislike.

You are the most important person in your teen’s life. Let me repeat that. YOU are the most important person in your teen’s life. You’re their compass. This brings me to the other problem, teens won’t always tell you how important you are to them.

You may have a teen who is trying to separate from you, frustrated about wanting to be treated like a grown up, but still needing your help sometimes. Their doubt in their ability to grow up frustrates them while your doubt in their ability angers them. It’s such a delicate balance to help your teen usher in their adulthood while being a loving parent.

Little things you can do to help their struggle:

Don’t take their insecurities personally. Their irritability has less to do with you and more to do with their own frustration.
Changing little words from “you thought you were grown enough to do that on your own?” to “I know you’re smart enough to make an important decision like this on your own.” Help instill confidence.
Compliment them on well made decisions.
Let them own their mistakes (discussed in more detail in 3 Things Teens Learn From Their Mistakes) so they can own their successes.
Give them the space they’re asking for. This is just like when they were toddlers and ran away, but eventually looked back to be sure you were still there.

Whatever you do, please don’t believe your teen hates you. Teens sometimes think if they’re cuddly with you, you wont give them the respect they desire as a teen (not a kid). So they push you away with the knowledge that you love them too much to go very far.

For a humorous way of looking at their bravado read 11 Dos and Don’ts of being a Teen Parent.

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