Parenting is all about Instincts
A Mom told me she woke up and just knew her daughter was pregnant. In one morning she instinctively knew that her daughter was pregnant and so knew her daughter was having sex. I wish she had this instinct when her daughter first began having sex, or before that when something was not right about their relationship.
Parent’s have a sense of who their kids are. You have watched them learn to walk and talk and by the teens, you have a sense of how your teen clicks. If you watch them and listen to their reasoning about things like selecting a movie or where to go on vacation, you will get a sense of the information that your teen takes in or leaves out. You can never assume you know how this works, but it is information that gives you “a feeling.” This feeling can help you know “your teen needs help with a difficult situation,” “Your teen is hurt,” or “Your teen is pregnant.” If you are really tuned in you know before they are pregnant, because I would bet dollars to doughnuts that mom had a sense that her teen was sexually active. I wish she brought her in then and used her authority to get her daughter on good birth control.
I am of the believe that teens want us to know what is going on because they know they need our help, but it’s a macho thing; they can’t look like they don’t know what to do. This Mom yelled at her daughter, “You think you are so ready to be an adult?!” I had to remind Mom that yes; they do [think they are ready to be adults] because practice is how you get perfect. No, not all of the decisions they make are great, but neither are ours as adults. You hope the consequences will not be of great consequence to their life or someone else’s but without practice no one gets perfect. This is a learning opportunity.
Teens are clever, but they let things slip to see if we are paying attention and want clarification. I once asked a patient,” Did you ever tell your Mom that you were being molested by your cousin? She replied, “I let it slip so many times and tried to say it in so many ways, that I just got tired of trying to tell her. I am over it now, but my relationship with my mother is horrible.” It was hard to hear since I had obtained the information so easily by asking one question.
If we are really quiet, we can feel the warning in our gut. Our problem is we try to deny it and so we do not act on it until it is too late. If your teen says something that sounds funny, act on it, it just might be the opportunity of a lifetime to save them from a really bad decision.
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