Patience, A Necessary Teen Parent Virtue
I thought my Mom was afraid of me then I realized she was just trying not to hurt me when she ran to her room while I was arguing with her.” The self-control of this Mom who in a moment of fear attempted to bite her daughter demonstrates the chaos that teens can ignite in their parents, but sometimes the chaos in your teen isn’t about you.
Some teens bear the burden of abuses in their lives so heavily that they now believe every negative thing they were told about themselves. It can be very difficult for loving caregivers to reverse the effect of years of negative words. Difficult, but not impossible.
Teens are in a position of figuring out whom they are and if they have only been told they are worthless or for some reason believe they are worthless and unlovable, you see high risk behavior because as one teen said, “I believe I will die by eighteen.”
Their assaults, which may feel like personal attacks on you have more to do with the war between the negative thoughts in their head and the desire to be loved in their heart. This struggle is acted out with you because you are there, you will listen and you care.
You are the one patient enough to hear the rage and still love them and so they rage against you. Be consistent and strong in your willingness to love them. Call for mental health support for both of you and remember that even while raging they hear you. They are waiting for you to validate their hatred of themselves so when the moments are possible say something positive otherwise say nothing and be there.
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