Punishment v. Discipline, which is your style?
“No” whichever form it comes in is never going to be fun for your teen to hear. However, you do have the power to help your teen realize they are being asked to be their better selves rather than being penalized for where they are in life. You do this by making sure they feel disciplined rather than punished. 
It helps to begin with the definition of discipline, which is an activity, exercise, practice or a regimen that is designed to improve a skill. It is training. Compare this to the definition of punishment, which is suffering, pain or loss as a way of retribution. Too many times when a parent hands down the consequences for misbehavior, they forget that the goal is to improve the skill of fill in the blank. So, to improve problem solving skills, improve judgment skills, improve time management skills or improve social interaction skills. It rarely occurs to parents of teens that at times their consequences serve to actually cause suffering or pain, which are key elements of the definition of punishment. Once you understand this, it is clear why consequences meted out do little to change behavior and serve more to anger or distance you from your teen.
Discipline is the goal of good parenting. It is the foundation upon which responsible and self-sufficient adults are created. When you design parenting on punishment you take on the role of jailor not mentor and this is not a good set up for good communication between you and your teen nor is it the stuff upon which great parent-teen relationships are built.
Related posts:
