Should you give Your Teen Advice?
You give your opinion of your teen’s life a lot. This is whether or not your teen asks. You understandably feel you know more and can help your teen avoid mistakes especially the mistakes you made as a teen. It’s true you have lived longer, but your teen doesn’t seem to want to hear it. So what are you supposed to do?
Talk
Talk it through. This is harder and takes longer, but is well worth it. You’re trying to help your teen learn how to make good decisions. They can’t do that if you’re always making decisions for them. When you tell them what to do, you keep them dependent on you. Learning the process of making a good decision helps them make better decisions in the future.
So, try:
Asking them what they think
As hard as it may be to see them struggle with a situation or problem, when they come to you, ask them what they think. As they talk, you’ll get a good idea of their thought process and you may realize the situation was more complicated than you thought. Use the details of the situation they discuss to ask follow-up questions, How does your decision affect others? Will it hurt other people’s feelings? Are you going to be able to look that person in the eye when this is over?
Instill confidence
Even if there is no clear answer your teen comes to, it is important that you tell your teen that you are proud of previous decisions. Let them know you understand how hard this decision is for them and still you have the utmost confidence in their ability to make the right decision for them. This is important because the right decision for them may not be the right decision for you. Keep this in mind and you will have your teen’s trust and they will keep coming to you for “advice.”
Using this method helps your teen make better decisions, it allows you an opportunity to hear about the events in their lives, and finally you exclude yourself from being blamed as the cause of the outcome because they need to learn to take responsibility for that too.
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