Stop Telling Me What To Do!
“I just hate it when people tell me what to do.” That’s what she said in response to why she is so irritated when her Mom asks her to do something. Well, do you know what to do? She said, “Yes.” Then why not do it before your mother has to remind you? 
This is the issue isn’t it? Teen don’t always realize that you don’t really want to remind them to do things. They imagine you running to wag your finger in their face about doing this or that chore or thing. Sometimes it helps to remind them that you too have better things to do. If you know you have to do it and it is expected that you do it, then do it before you are asked and then it isn’t so much as someone told you what to do as much as it is about you remembering to do what you are supposed to do. What’s in it for your teen?
1. Independence
Independent thinking and the portrayal of being independent are key to being left to your own devices. Your teen forgets that if they do what they’re asked it makes them look good. It means they understand that it has to be done; they fit it in as they need to and they move on. Work then play. You aren’t going to be as nervous when they ask for other tasks that require more independence. This is the same thing their boss is going to be looking for.
2. Confidence
Not just theirs, but yours. Your confidence in their ability to handle things when you’re not around opens you up to other things they can do when you’re not around: Going to friend’s homes, overnights, away trips with their friends, a later curfew. By taking charge you trust that you can say something once, they heard you and understand the importance of what you are asking.
3. Responsible
You’re trying to raise your teen to be responsible. A responsible adult makes you feel like they can make good decisions and be self-sufficient without you micromanaging them. A responsible adult is self-motivated to complete tasks, organize and plan ahead. When they do a chore without being asked several times and it is done well, you can imagine they do other things equally well rather than wondering how are they going to make it on their own when they can’t even remember to put the milk back after using it.
4. Helping Out
The team of family so important especially if you are a single parent and there isn’t someone else to tag team. You need all your members to be on board and participating. When one member is weak it makes the whole family weak. When your teen steps up to do their part not because they love doing dishes or cleaning their room, but because they see you work so hard and don’t want you doing more than your share, it can only make you want to do more for your teen to show your appreciation. It is the kind of cycle that anyone can be proud of.
In the gentlest way possible, relay to your teen, “These are my chores. These are your chores. If you don’t want to remind me about cooking meals and giving you rides, how bout you step up on your end of the chores. I don’t like reminding you either. As a matter of fact, I don’t like telling you what to do at all. How ‘bout you do it before I have to ask and we make for a happier place?” Now if they can’t remember the chores they shouldn’t remember about the night out, the party, the car or the overnight either; No fights either because parents really hate being told what to do.
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