Teaching Teens about Sacrifice
They say that obstacles are there to ask us if we really want the desired thing, a partner, our health, a grade, or accomplishment. What is your teen willing to do to accomplish their goal? Not cheating or something illegal, but how hard are they willing to work, to sacrifice? These are great questions to pose to your teen when they want to be on the varsity team, get the higher grade or get in to the competitive summer program.
Everyone feels a sense of loss when they don’t get something they desperately wanted. Toddlers can throw tantrums and teens can actually whine. You know, “I haaaave to have …” “If I don’t I’ll be the only one who doesn’t…” “I’ll die if I don’t get in to that school.”
When your teen asks for something they want, give them something to do to meet you half way. If they want the car, they must pay for the insurance and gas. If they want the acceptance letter, they must socialize less and study harder, and if they want the job, they might have to wake up at 6AM instead of noon to submit their application. Explain the stories of Paula Abdul who was told she didn’t have the body for dancing and then went on to be one of the more famous choreographers in popular culture, or Michael Jordan who repeatedly tried out for his varsity basketball team before finally being given a chance, even his family had doubts about him playing basketball.
Oh, by the way, the truth is they don’t die. Do they? You know they won’t so it’s okay to let them learn about disappointment. They should know how to pick themselves up and dust themselves off and try again, and again and again. What an exercise in letting your teen know what they are made of. Understanding the meaning of sacrifice will allow them to work harder than the next person and have deserved pride in their job well done, and that is what really gets you ahead.
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Hallo my daughter is very polite and shy,she wants to do political science in future,i discouraged her but now i have something to tell her thanks you doc
Stumbled upon this post and thought “YES!!!” We just had a discussion with one of our teens who dreams of playing basketball at a Division 1 college someday. While we may personally have “doubts”, we have been encouraging the dream by telling him to find a basketball camp, start looking at even Div 3 schools, letting us know what we can do to support and help him. I think big goals are great, but they do sometimes need to be tempered with the message that those big goals are going to take some EFFORT on your part. A magic fairy isn’t going to come and grant your wish – you WILL have to work for it!