If you have a very busy life, you may not have many slow and quiet moments with yourself how much more your teen. Everything can seem very rushed and when you have a crisis, it can be very hard for your teen to get comfortable feeling vulnerable with you in 30 seconds or less. So you have to really slow yourself down when your teen needs you. 
Sometimes you can forget to do this and you try and finish their sentences to hurry them along or guess the outcome that they are worried about. Worse you fill space of a pause with comments like, “Well, what’s wrong? You asked me here? I was in the middle of Oprah.” It is very important that you understand the pauses and the difficulty getting information out are about wondering what your reaction might be: the disappointment, the lecture, or the absolute disgust in the gravity of their concern.
Help them say what they need to say by using helping phrases like “Nothing you say will make me stop loving you, “ “I want to be here for you no matter what it is,” “I can tell whatever you have to tell me is hard for you . Let me help you.” Your teen needs your patience, your love and even your silence in these situations. This is what will make you the parent to come to in times of crisis and then hopefully times of joy too.
Tags: teen parenting
The subtitle of this site is “Changing the World One Teen at a Time,” but this piece is about parents changing. YEA! If parents want to change their relationship with their teens, it is the parents who have to change. Listening, showing patience, and creating the space for the teen to be who and what they need to be are great steps for “moving toward slow.” Well done! check out http://www.slowparentingteens.com for some other ideas.