Teen Silence is never Golden
Parent: “How was school today?”
Teen: “Fine.”
Sometimes this is the way conversations go with teens. As a parent, you can get frustrated and stop asking. “If you don’t want to talk then I will stop asking.” A parent can’t really do this. Teens need a connection to others. This is the reason for their self-expression through their clothes, hair and language. This is why each generation of teens has their own signature look, sayings and music. It gives them a connection to others when they think they’re alone. But off all the connections, the one teens lust for is that of their parents. If you don’t believe this, you will inadvertently leave your teen to fend for themselves and they will be alone.
You must be willing as a parent to sit and listen to your teen’s silence and know that they are watching you for the sincerity of your presence. They will trust this and eventually talk. They will see you care and they will tell you more than you wanted to know. In order to do this, you have to be in a good space. You have to have the patience to endure whatever mood they have at the moment. Try:
1. Breathing. Take a breath and rid the clutter of your head. True you are going through a lot and need a moment, but your teen needs you now and what a privilege that is.
2. Clear your head. You can’t assume that what is on their mind is the worst thing on your mind. So, the pregnancy scares or other crisis of equal magnitude should leave your head. Think positively. This will put you in a better mindset to hear what they are saying.
3. Smile. Look welcoming and a smile does this. If you furrow your brow or look annoyed in any way, they will sense this and keep their thoughts to themselves. “Sure, what’s on your mind?”
Simple suggestions, but how many times have you tried to talk to someone about something on your mind and they’re distracted by their phone or television. They look like you have interrupted them or worse they look at their watch? Your teen needs to feel like they are not a nuisance and a welcoming look can help with this.
Now, if they do end up telling you they are in crisis, take the breath, excuse yourself, call your spouse or a friend and scream. Then, go back to your teen and tell them, “I really appreciate you having the courage to tell me that. I have to admit I wasn’t expecting it, but I’m glad you told me. Now, we can get through it together.” *Hug*
Your teen is going to tell you so much stuff from now on, you are going to wish you never listened and that is the way it should be.
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