Who Is Your Teen Hanging Out With?
You become who you hang around. When your teen hangs around unmotivated people, they can become unmotivated. If they hang around successful people, they learn how to be successful and they become successful. The influence of people your teen chooses to hang around can be powerful. It can inspire your teen, or stifle them.
On some level your teen knows this already. The most significant time to figure this out is probably freshman year in high school. They are trying to figure out their group or clique and they will give up something about themselves to do this. Some will give up working hard in school in order to keep up with all the socialization venues, or they begin to date and realize how time intense it is. Something will suffer and it is frequently their grades, which drop like a brick.
Ask your teen, “Who are you with? Who are those people? How do they inspire you? Do they bring out the best or worst in you? How do you feel when you’re around them? Are you proud or concerned that you’re not able to be yourself and relax? Are you happy when you’re with them? If you were in trouble, could you depend on them?”
You want to see your teen happy. It’s painful to see them struggle with their relationships, but when your teen seems to be acquiring traits that are so unlike who you know them to be, take a moment to gently ask some of the questions I listed above. You can express concern without judgment. Your teen feels loved when you are concerned. They feel belittled and unsure when you are judgmental.
Ask the questions above and then tell them, “When you’re with people, pay attnetion to how you are feeling and ask yourself those questions.” Your teen can develop the problem solving skills to question their own relationships. This way they get a better understanding of who they are, their sense of self and whether they want to be associated with their current friends. Your teen should be choosey. They’re worth it. They’re future depends on it.
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How do I comfort my tween when she has become the “outcast”? None of her friends, including her best friend are talking to her. This has been going on for over a month. My daughter started hanging around 3rd graders, but I found out today that her “ex-friends” have gotten to the 3rd graders and told them no to hang around my daughter. So now, she is spending her recess and lunch alone. How do I comfort her or try to help her through this?