Why Nagging Your Teen doesn’t Work
“Joey, Get up! It’s time for school.” “Can you clean your room please? I have asked you so many times.” “Lisa, Get-off-the-phone-and-finish-the-dishes now!” Ummm…Does this sound familiar? Ever notice how it doesn’t make them do the job any faster or do it more efficiently next time? Ever notice how pissed off this makes you?
Yep, it doesn’t work. Teens and spouses hate to be nagged. To get your goat, they will take longer to complete the task and consciously or unconsciously avoid the task next time because it reminds them of you nagging. They can’t really tell you how much they hate the nagging so they avoid you and the task knowing that will get you back indirectly. They just want you to stop nagging. They know you will give up at some point and there will be quiet again. Terrible cycle, eh?
I am going to ask you to let go of some of this stuff you nag about. Save the nagging for the life or death stuff. Figure out your top five list of things that must be done. Got that list? Good.
Now, I’m going to ask you to negotiate with your teen how they will complete the items on the list. Also negotiate a consequence list. Your teen should understand that if these tasks are not completed within a reasonable time that they forfeit the right to hang out with friends, go to prom, etc. Let them know you’re no longer going to ask them to do it anymore and they can hold you to it when you forget. If they don’t complete the task and ask for something like the car anyway, it is very important that you don’t yell. Calmly say, “No. You know the rules.”
When they get older no boss is going to remind them to show up on time or turn in their work. They will simply get fired. If they want to be treated like an adult, then they have to act like one. You don’t encourage someone to act like an adult when you treat them like they were five. Let them have a chance to act like an adult. See what your teen will do. I think they will rise to the challenge and surprise you. You will see how responsible they really are and then you can stop yelling and they can feel responsible.
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