You Gave Your Teen The Silent Treatment?
“I’m not talking to you anymore! I’m so over you!” Sound like a conversation teens or kids in grade school have, huh? Try parents. The hurt a teen feels from hearing this from someone they thought was their friend is exponentially multiplied when the person they hear this from is their parent.
Your teen walks around the house wishing you would speak to them and you ignore them, you act as if they don’t exist. They are invisible to you. All teens need in the world is the validation of who they are from their parents, their family. When the world is harsh, it is the family and at that core their parents who are the ones that should break the fall of life’s sometimes harsh reality. So when it comes from inside your home, from the top, the teen brain cannot wrap their head around it and they are devastated.
Furthermore, giving your teen the silent treatment serves as a bad example of mature adult behavior. Is this how you resolve your discontent with your bosses’ behavior? Is this what you want your teen to do in the real world? Will this get them the positive feedback they need from the world? Absolutely not!
No matter what your teen has done, as a parent it is your job to manage your disappointment on your own with your support system of friends, siblings or spouse. If you’re really that upset and can form a sentence, you need to explain to your teen in writing or with your words. “I’m sorry that I’m so upset. I’m sure I’ll get over it, but for now I’m just going to think about how I feel about what happened. I still love you very much.” Your teen needs these words of reassurance. Teens are impetuous creatures. Their hurt over something like your rejection can cause them to lose hope and attempt sudden behavior like suicide. Don’t find out too late if that sensitive person is your teen.
Man up! Go yell on the phone with your mother, friend, spouse, or even your therapist and put yourself in a position to discuss your disappointment with your teen’s behavior. And, take a moment to hear their side of the story as well; sometimes it isn’t even as bad as you thought. Come on, if it was bad enough to make you not want to talk to them, they probably need you now more than ever. Go on, be there for them. Now is not the time to shut them out.
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Thanks so much Dr. O. This helped so much. I was giving my son the “silent treatment.” Those words you gave made a huge impact and were a big breakthrough in our relationship. Thank you so much for sharing, I really appreciate it!
I am so honored that something I said was able to help you have a better relationship with your son! That’s so awesome!!!! Keep up the great work.
Hi, My daughter’s 16 and she’s like a purring little kitten when things are going her way but she turns really nasty when she feels that you’ve abused her by asking her to clear up her mess or do some odd job. Then she freezes up and uses the silent treatment. I used to be exactly the same as a child so I’m really good at the game and although I agree completely with your article that as an adult I have to be more mature and set a good example, I wonder if she shouldn’t learn how it feels to be given the silent treatment. I have until this time, always been the one to make up and cuddle her but she has never had to apologize for her behaviour or be the one to make up. She was just so rude recently and has been giving me the silent treatement too that I just don’t feel like being adult and mature. But, I admit that I hate the atmosphere in the house and the situation makes me feel really depressed.