Have Your Tween Make “The Partner Wish List”

At some point your teen is going to date. Maybe they’ll live at home maybe they won’t. But sooner or later, your teen will be interested in someone, date, maybe get married, etc. You know how it goes, but do you remember how it starts?

It starts in your head. When you were a toddler, you looked at your parents and watched how they treated each other and you started forming your idea of what a relationship and partner should be like. You subconsciously made a list and in one column you put things you liked and in another you put the things you didn’t like. Where there was no example, you pick up something from a friend’s family, book or movie. You took this information and created your idea of what you wanted in a partner and relationship.

Ask your tween to put that list on paper.

Once the list is on paper, discuss it. They need your guidance to make good decisions about relationships and partners. Start early and get some insight into what is in your teen’s head rather than assuming you know what they are fantasizing about. For example,

Must have: Cannot have:

Has to be cute Bad taste in music

Has to be nice Bad breath

Remember, this is a list by a tween. Take the first Must have, has to be cute. Discuss what your tween means by this. How much does this matter to your tween? For example if the person was really cute, but treated them cruelly is that okay since they’re really cute? If you’re really feeling daring, you can ask your teen what they have learned from you, their parent’s relationship.

This is a great opportunity to discuss the topic of relationships and dating with your tween before they get into one. Let them begin the thinking process and problem solving skills before they’re in a relationship. This might give you more confidence about their choices and relax you just a smidgen. Okay, maybe not.