How Can You Possibly Know Your Bi?
A distraught Dad says to his son, “How could you possibly know you’re a bisexual? How could you possibly know you love this person?” His son’s eyes are completely empty. He has spent the morning in class crying for no particular reason. It turns out he does this a lot. He has used his arm as a cutting board so he can control the pain of this self-discovery and his father’s disappointment. The son has tried very hard he says, “To not be who he is.” It has not been working.
It’s not clear whether teens know any more than adults when they’re in love, but what’s clear is that your teen is embarking on a journey of self discovery. This is challenging for any teen, but in particular for teens who identify as LGBTQ (Lesbian Gay Bisexual Transgender and Queer). Only eleven percent of teens are going to come out to parents that are overjoyed to find out their teen is Gay. The remainder is going to face some challenging times. These times involve a type of grieving process that buries the expectation of who you thought your teen would be as you face the reality of who your teen is telling you they are.
Coming out is difficult for your teen because they can tell what is a revelation for them will be met as bad news for you and this revelation, they fear, may destroy the family. This makes them want to deny who they are as well. However, going back into the closet even at the cost of their family causes more pain for the teen in the long run. Arresting identity development causes extreme distress for teens and causes them to act out in very destructive ways e.g. depression, cutting, addiction disorders, school failure, running away, etc.
Even if you don’t think your teen really understands what they’re saying when they call themselves bisexual, it’s important to let them explore what that label means for them. If it’s not who they are then they’ll move on and if it is well then they will develop in a more healthy way knowing that you support them either way.
Whatever you do try and avoid invalidating who your teen has decided they are. The message from you becomes a complete denial of who they are, which can make your teen feel alone and desperate. Furthermore, your teen will cease to confide in you because you aren’t able to hear what they have to tell you. Truth be told they may not know if they are really in love, but they know themselves. They know themselves better than you do. Give them the benefit of the doubt on this one.
Resoureces:
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Am learning alot from you.i now know how to handle my teens