When Should I Let My Teen Date?
If you’re asking this question bravo to you! It means that you understand that part of growing up is learning how to have an intimate relationship. This is much easier for your teen when you are involved. For more on this, read my earlier post about letting your teen date under your supervision.
What should you know?
First, you should understand that there are stages of sexual development:
- Early teen years (ages 10-14 years) developing crushes. These crushes are on opposite or same-sex people. This doesn’t mean they will be Gay or Straight? This exploration has more to do with separating from parents. Developing love interests outside the home are the baby steps for finding a mate. Dating at this stage includes hand holding, pecks on cheeks and hugs usually in a group setting.
- Middle teens years (ages 15-17 years) develop more intense, romantic relationships. Their desire to take risks make them more likely to do more intense fondling and possibly start having sexual relationships. So, they break off from the group and will date one on one.
- Late teen years (ages 18 until 26 years), may be invoved in an intimate relationship with one person for long periods of time, and they begin to have thoughts of who a lifelong partner would be. Many, but not all are sexually active at this point.
What should you do?
Know that not all teens develop at the same pace just like all babies don’t start walking at the same time. Decide where your teen is in development and what they can handle (Are they responsible? Do they seem to have self-esteem, confidence?) and be prepared to discuss your expectations and rules are for dating. Here are some examples:
- We must meet the date.
- They cannot honk the horn for you, they should walk to the door to pick you up.
- Some dates should be spent socializing with the family so we get to know them e.g. dinner or outing
What are some warning signs?
Warning signs of dating include, but are not limited to:
- Your teen seems obsessed with their partner or vice-versa. This is different from “in love.”
- They can’t make decisions without this partner’s opinion.
- They can’t socialize without the partner’s say-so.
- They may call or text frequently.
- They may have bruises or you may hear fighting.
These are signs of abuse and should be stopped as soon as possible. There is a dating bill of rights and other warning signs here.
The desire to date is a natural part of growing up that most teens will experiment with in some way. Banning them from dating does not stop their interest it only gives them a reason to lie to you about it. There natural interest will guide you on where they are in their development, your job is to pay attention and act on it. You can have so much more influence if you chose to support your teen and stay connected.
Helpful Hotline
National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline 1-866-331-9474
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