Will You Marry Me?
There was a time when teens that were seriously dating got married after high school. They married their “high school sweetheart.” Promising to grow old with someone as a teen is quite a gamble, maybe not impossible, but it is a gamble that the person will share your interests when they are finally an adult. Some manage it. After all, Jon Bon Jovi has been married to his childhood sweetheart, Dorothea, for the past 20 some odd years.
Marrying someone as their 18 year old self makes a very big assumption about who their 30 or 40 year old self will be. The 30 year old version may be more sophisticated, need different emotional support from their relationship or simply develop different interests from their 18-year old self. This is that “we’ve grown apart” observation.
For this reason, it is difficult for you to see your teen so committed to one person or believe they are going to be together forever. There is still so much maturing to do that they can easily grow apart from this current partner by the end of the semester, how much more five, ten or twenty years down the road. Still, it is better to provide nonjudgmental support.
Your teen will figure this out, but in the meantime, don’t ruin their party. Let them enjoy the moments of romanticizing their future with this person. They are trying love on for size. Certainly be sure that they are safe during this experience (birth control, reproductive health, etc.). This is part of their sexual development and learning what love feels like for them. Let them try it on and see how it fits for them and they may or may not experience the heartache that goes with this kind of love, but that too will teach them something. Because that’s the way love goes…
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