TheTeenDoc.com » angry teen

10 Things You Never Say To Your Teen

teendoc — Fri, 15 Jul 2011 11:00:32 +0000

There are some things you should probably never say to your
teen probably anyone you really care about. Here are some overheard phrases.
See if you repel in hurt as their teen probably did.

10. Get out of my face. You disgust me!

9. Get out of my house! I don’t want to see you again.

8. No wonder you have no friends

7. You’re such a devil.

6. You’re so manipulative. Do you ever tell the truth?

5. You’re just like your father!

4. I’m taking you to the clinic to see if you’re a virgin you dress like such a whore

3. You’re worse than your sister who got pregnant at 16.

2. You make me sick.

1. I regret the day you were ever born

You are what you eat and if you get a constant diet of
hateful words well, one shouldn’t be surprised if you get an angry teen.

Don’t Forget Your Teen When You Re-marry

teendoc — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 11:30:27 +0000

When you have children, your relationship with your spouse frequently changes. There may be an initial infatuation, but this can slowly give way to the toil of parenting and childcare. This easily makes your child and later teen close to number one in your life. If you divorce and re-marry, this too will change.

Unlike the dynamics with your ex-spouse that changed to your teen’s advantage, when you re-marry the dynamics can change to your teen’s disadvantage. This is because of the high school like puppy love that can be associated with this new relationship. Your teen doesn’t really get to see this side of you and that alone may be alarming, but for any relationship to truly thrive, you must take the time to invest. It is easy to make this time when you are at this early stage of a relationship. Your teen will notice how that time means less time for them.

From your teen’s perspective, it looks like you chose someone off the street over them. Remember, you love your new spouse your teen is simply managing their life with the changes you’ve made to it. For those teens truly sensitive to the reduced time they now spend with you, there may be a feeling of rejection and hurt. This hurt can become anger and this anger may become apparent to you through a change in their behavior, grades, substance and drug use, running away or attitude. Although the first reaction by parents is to ask, “What’s going on,” there quickly becomes a silent agreement that the problem is the teen.

New relationships are fun, but they can be hard too. They are especially hard when they involve children. Teens have their own set of emotions surrounding the time before a divorce, during a divorce and the disappointment of seeing their parents with other people after the divorce. You cannot underestimate the impact of this on your teen or how this will change your teen. They need an anchor. If you think you can’t be there as much set up support systems before you begin the process so they have a liaison to help them communicate their needs to you.

For you this is the potential love of your life, but for your teen it is the person that took their parent away from their hopes of their family getting back together. It takes a lot of getting used to and your teen should be given the time to make that transition at their pace and with your love and support.

When you make the decision to have children and divorce you have to know you don’t get to be selfish and have a romance like you’re in high school. Yes, you deserve to be happy, but you can’t do this at the expense of your teen. They still deserve your time and attention without hearing your new spouse complain. It can feel like you’re choosing one over the other, but in the end your teen should win. Maybe not all of the time, but enough that they know they still have your love and attention. Remember you can always find another husband, but you only get one shot with your teen.

Will You Marry Me?

Toughening Your Teen Up For The Real World?

teendoc — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 12:00:42 +0000

“Bad things are gonna happen in life, if you can’t handle this, what are you gonna do when something worse happens? Get over it! What do ya want a hug? That’s not gonna solve anything.”

This Dad is right. Bad things do happen. And yes, sometimes the world seems really hard, but the way to prepare your teen for these bad things is not by making them solve these problems or face the consequences of difficult choices alone. You prepare them by being there for them and gauging what they need then providing it in a reliable way.

Your teen needs you. This cannot be emphasized enough. It is what a colleague of mine, Dr. John Duffy calls Available Parenting. You have to be there when they need help without making them feel like that can only happen when they are in crisis. You see, if you are only able to really make time when your teen is in trouble (they know you HAVE to leave work to get them from the principal’s office or jail), well it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out, get into a lot of trouble and my parent will give me time.

Even if your teen must endure the lecture that invariably ensues about how their behavior is blah, blah, blah and they should know better, all your teen is thinking is it’s the early afternoon and I’m hanging out with my Mom.

Don’t make it that hard for your teen. Be there with them to navigate life when it can be challenging, and toughen them up by nurturing their self-esteem and confidence with support, presence and an open mind. Do this reliably so your teen knows they can depend on you. You want to rely on them to always do their homework or take out the garbage, and your teen wants to know whenever they need you, you will be there without judging or reminding them for years to come of their faults. Your teen will be tough enough for the world when they know their parent’s have their back.